Terrible two's driving me mad :-)

[Eve34]

Please, please help, DS turned 2 a few weeks ago, since 18 months he has changed from my beautiful baby to a bit of a handful. It has really peaked (I hope) over the last few weeks. Now EVERYTHING is a battle, getting dressed, undressed, nappy changing, getting out of the house/in the house, car seat etc etc. Now the bed time routine has gone to pieces, he screams once to mention getting up the stairs, screams throughout his bath, stories etc and finally fell a sleep at 11pm last night. He has woken this morning at 6 am and cried since. I just want to leave home. I can not cope with this day in day out. I take him out everyday AM and PM. soft play, swimming etc etc. Nothing I do makes a differnce, I priase him when he is good so much I sound like a loon!I have no family near by and work 3 days a week, keeps me sane.
Please tell me this will soon pass?

Errr...depends on how you define soon. But no doubt it will pass.

(am a little shocked at the number of posters - several every week- who feel they have lost their beautiful baby just because he shows a little temper. It's a normal phase, it's in all the books. He is still your beautiful son, but he needs to go through all these phases to turn into an adult- who will also be your beautiful son).

It is hard work, and most of us struggle at times, but you will enjoy the next placid stage all the more. At least you do have those 3 days at work to relax. Also, this is the time to get the most out of your friends. Good to hear that you are taking him out a lot- sounds wise. (Though twice a day might be a little much if it is to activities every time.) Have you also got a group of other Mums to drink coffee with and have a little moan to. I found coffee mornings a real life saver.

Keep repeating to yourself: 'I'm the grown-up, I am stronger and smarter and more experienced and I've got the credit card; I don't have to get upset because a toddler is throwing a silly tantrum.

I did a lot of staring into middle space and humming at this time. Dd was a horrible tantrummer. She has actually grown up quite civilised. I repeat: it will pass.

Bless you thank you. I do very much have a beautiful son and see many many wonderful things within him.
I just do not know where to turn when he starts. I understand it is a phase and will pass in time :-)
Will practice your mantra (sp) :-)

Cory is absolutely right but it is very difficult to weather this particular storm I think. I found I had to adapt and stop treating ds1 like a baby and treat him like a 2 year old. I did this in little ways, asking him if he was ready to go to bed and making deals with him - end of a tv prog, 5 mins more play, one more game of noddy. get him to choose which bubble bath, check the bath is cool enough, choose his pjs, choose his book. Not all at once (too much choice can be disruptive) but gradually so he felt he had some control over what was happening. With a bit of thought you can do this with practically every activity you do.

It wasn't an overnight transformation but it did really work. And the added benefit is he's now a very independent confident boy (just turned 4).

Of course there are occassions when things simply have to be done and done quickly. Those times I simply brushed him through ignoring any tears/tantrums as best I could and making sure there was a littel treat at the end of it (humzinger in the car on the way to nursery or some such).

One last thought before I go to work - does he have things in his room to occupy him if he wales early - books, some carefully chosen soft toys? Ds1 is a chronic early waker and this helped him stay a little longer happily in his room.

Hope that helps anyway. It really really does pass

Pheebe, thank you for taking the time to reply, yes he has things in his room, but he wants to be down stairs. I will try and give him more options and see how we go. Watch this space.

Oh, I recognise this SO well. You must be feeling it v badly - in a way, it wasn't so bad for me when DS1 hit the terrible two's (which he did at around the same age as your DS) because he had always been a stroppy bugger, even as a baby

Advice from Cory and Pheebe excellent - especially agree about not giving TOO much choice, but a little can go a long way. My DS1 is also super-independent, and is always better if I can let him have a go at whatever it is (spreading peanut butter in his toast, or putting his trousers on) as long as it's safe for him to do so - and then it's either done really badly and he eats dry toast or has back-to-front trousers on, which i ignore, or he asks for help and will then willingly accept it.

We had the battles with nappies (thankfully over as he is now potty-trained, yay!); dressing (just wrestled him into clothes - not unkindly - chattering brightly all the while); and leaving the house (just did it, and tried to ignore the tantrums).

It is very hard, and utterly energy-sapping, and I feel so frustrated sometimes that he will waste (as I see it) his emotional energy on something so trivial. But I think they just have to go through it to assert their independence and to learn how to do things for themselves. I just try to tell myself that this will ultimately be a good characteristic for him to have, and capitalise on it by getting him to use it constructively - like taking his plate out to the kitchen after eating, which he loves to do and which I hope will be a habit by the time he thinks he can't be bothered with it.

It will pass. It will, it will. I have to believe that, as we are still in it, although things are better than they were a few months ago, for sure!

My two year developed sleep problems after a weekend sleeping in our room (we had relatives to stay). He did not want to sleep in his own cot.

It's very difficult, but we had to be extremely tough. Once he was put in his cot, that's where he stayed. We went in every couple of mins to reassure him and picked him up for a quick cuddle. But didn't remove him from his room.

It took three nights of being really tough, but now he's happily back in his cot, sleeping from 8pm - 8am

I can relate to this (can't everyone with a 2 year old?!).

I agree wrt giving choices...but not too many! It's good to allow them a bit of 'responsibility'.

I also tell ds how I expect him to behave - play nicely, walk nicely, brush his teeth etc and tell him that is he does this we can stay and play / stay for lunch / have a bedtime story etc. Otherwise we will have to come home / there will be no story. Whstever. It doesn't always work but generally he behaves well(ish!).

I work on the principle of telling him what I expect him to do rather than always telling him what he shouldn't be doing.

Saying that, we still have fantastic tantrums, but I try to tell myself that they're all part of his development and he's learning how to express himself. It's very hard to stay calm though

I too have a "terrible 2's" on my hands. The messages here have given me some great ideas to try, thank you.

I have a question for those who have got through this. My DD simply does not want to go to sleep. Until 2-3 weeks ago she was a delight at bedtime. We let her pick her books at bedtime and she happily jumped into bed, hug, kiss, night-night and off she went to sleep.

Now she won't get into bed. I finally manage to coax her in, along with lots of teddies and we say night-night. As soon as I shut the door she starts crying and screaming. We leave her for 10mins or so and then go back in without talking to her. Hug her until she calms down and put her back into bed. And it all starts again. This can go on for 3-4hours each night. She often wakes in the night also and will not go back to sleep. Sometimes milk will calm her. Failing that its a case of hugging her until she finally gives in. However often she simply will not us near her to hug her. She just sits near us.

I don't know what to do. I am worried that there really is something wrong. I suspect she may have started to have dreams - she is just 2years. She has been in her own bed for 3-4months, and until now she has loved her bed.

When there finally is quiet, I look in her room and she is usually asleep behind the door. I have picked her up and put her back into bed, but this often wakes her up and the whole cycle starts again.

Are we doing the right thing? Should we stick with our action plan and just hope and pray she will get through whatever it is she is going through. I hate hearing her so upset and crying for "mummy and daddy"

Eve, good luck. I really really know how you feel.

SE27 just wanted to give you a virtual {{{{{{{HUG}}}}}} as I am going through the same!! In fact potsed about it a few nights ago. Tis awful. Hope things calm down soon for your family!

SE27 - just saw your post and thought I;d reply incase your still checking...

Similar thing with DS1 at that age, think they get another touch of separation anxiety about then

We put a gate on his bedroom door, put him a low watt bulb in a lamp and let him have a bit of quiet playtime before sleep. Still did his normal routine but then he had an extra bit of time alone. Door stayed open as he hated it being closed (still does). As he got older we introduced a timer on his light, when it went out it was time for him to settle down. You have to be prepared to let them go to sleep a bit later (they decide to some extent) but we had a cut off of 8pm after which we went and turned the light off and did cuddles in bed.

hope that helps

SE27 my ds has also started doing this, and only started this week, until then he was a dream at bedtime. I do think it is a touch of seperation anxiety because hes been getting really upset and just wants to hug me all the time, he is fine going to bed but once i go out the room he is unconsolable. So last night i read him story, turned light off and said mummy just going to the toilet, do you want me to leave the door open? i will be back now. I left door open sat on the bathroom floor with laptop and MN, singing to myself so he could hear i was close, and within 5 mins he was asleep!

oh just about to post something - we should have a support thread! my ds is 2 in 4 weeks, on an am he wakes early and ownt be fooled into coming into bed for a cuddle - this am at 6.10am to be precise he came in our room and totally flipped out till 6.40 when he was mildly distracte dby the shower being turned on. My daughter never had paddys to this extent - we have one first thing and i can guarantee when i get him home after nursery he will have another one as i cant cook and hold him at the same time. It wears me down big time. SO toddler taiming book - is it worth me buying?

juse testing name gone back I am no longer upset and angry lol!

Cant help sorry im going through same with my ddwho is 2.5 I thought terrible 2's started at 18mths how wrong was i she is 10 times worse now shes nearly 3 i put her in her room when she startsand put the baby gate on . i know this sounds terrible but its the only thing that calms her down for 5 mins x

Not sure if anyone is still reading this thread but overnight, ds who is 2.3 months suddenly a month ago went from a dream put down to bed boy to a nightmare wouldn't be left, inconsolable. We've had to now resort to leaving the door open and light on and he is happy with that ......might be something to think of. It took a week or so for it to calm down but a couple of months later he's asking to go down to bed at bedtime as long as light is left on and door open

yes it's so hard, I have DS1 aged 6 and DS2 aged 21 months and had completely forgotten about this made crazy stage, just been to the docs with both of them and the little one went on a a rampage in the docs room, tipping all the toys out, slinging a book across the room knocking over the docs water, pulling his stethascope off the desk, then the blood pressure monitor, then he pushed his brother over who was tieing his shoelace - what a handful I was sweating!

BUT they do get over this stage, DS1 is such a delight to be with when we go out on our won without his crazy little brother, we had this delightfull conversation in Pizza Express the other day, just the 2 of us, so lovley. This will be you one day, hang in there!