Really worried about dd1 now :-(

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

She has stopped eating again. She has eaten virtually nothing this week, she looks really ill because of it.

She was sat with her dad nipping the tops of her legs. He asked what she was doing and she said "I'm trying to feel my bones but I can't feel them yet"

We explained to her that you aren't meant to feel bones in the tops of your legs because you should have muscle there. I told her i she wants to be a dancer (she does) she will need lots of muscle in her legs. When I ask her why she wants to feel bone in her legs she doesn't want to talk about it.

She wouldn't eat her chips tonight because they are "not healthy for you" she ate half a chicken breast with a struggle and some broccoli. She had no dinner and a bit of gammon steak for breakfast. Thats all she's had today.

How worried should I be that she seems to be actually trying to lose weight so that she can feel bones? She is 5. Can 5 year olds be anorexic?

I diet on and off but I always eat my main meal with her and I don't think that I talk about dieting in front of her. I have said that mummy needs to lose weight but told her that exercise was the best way to do this.

I don't like them eating too many frozen foods and she knows this. But certain frozen foods are okay. I prefer for them to eat to fresh home cooked food. DH and I argue about this a lot because he likes the frozen stuff so she could pick up that maybe?

She gets school dinners but chooses the salad bar. Her school meals have been all jamie olivered so they have to offer a range of 'cold foods and salads'.

I would go to the GP's first and then approach the school with some medical back-up. I think that if a 5 year old is obsessing about what foods are "healthy" and is restricting their diet to the extent that they are losing weight, then you need to get a referreal to a psychologist/children's psychiatric service asap. You also need to get some support for yourself. The GP should also be able to sort something out for you. (Speaking as someone who spent a year in hospital being treated for EDs, btw)

Mmm, I would restrict the dancing unless she agrees to eat a bit more.

Shesells, I hope this doesn't sound odd but I would stop weighing her if you can. She can be weighed by the Dr or whoever you go and see about that stuff, but for now, dicth the whole weighing thing as it will be making it a lot harder for her to stop seeing food as an issue.

Don't talk about it, unless she brings it up with you. My feeling is that there has always been so much fuss made about her weight etc that she might actually be feeling rather scared now that she has been 'discharged' and feel like she has lost her 'littleness' along with the attention it brought. So is poss trying to recreate the stuation where you are all focused on her and taking special care of her etc etc.

She prob doesn't know if she is doing this, so don't be cross. I might also be wrong about it but it's a possibility.

Be very nurturing and cuddly with her and do stuff together. She might feel more relaxed and able to open up and eat a bit as well if she can feel like she's 'small' again.

Oh goodness, you poor thing.

To counterbalance the school's approach, is she mature enough to understand the mechanics of proper healthy eating for children who aren't overweight? Try explaining to her in terms of her health (NOT her size) that she needs to eat all sorts of different foods to be healthy and fit and that not eating enough is as unhealthy as eating too much? Could you try to make sure this message is included in the school's teaching, rather than excluding her from the lessons? And make sure they emphasise BALANCE rather than low fat this, low sugar that.

In any case I'd ask for a referral to a child psychologist as it sounds like she needs good professional help. As do you - for expert advice on how to handle this at home.

Flight talks much sense.

As others have said I would back right off with the weighing and worrying about the quantity of food she is eating but INSIST on getting a psychologist referral very quickly.

Maybe you should give her plenty of healthy food....
My ds2 (also five) has just done a healthy eating campaign at school and has given up chocolate. We have no rules about food really except that it has to taste delicious and not too much of the not so healthy stuff.

You might be onto something theer Flight. She does seem to have reverted to wanting to be a baby. She 'toddled' all the way to my nan's earlier like dd2 does. She does get a lot of attention from everyone when she is not eating.

My dad thinks I should restrict her dancing too. But its very close to the xmas show that she has been looking forward to all year. If she misses to many practises she might not get in the play and I don't want her to feel that she is being punished. Although she dances a lot so I'm not sure it is very good for her in terms of her weight as she is using a lot of energy and not eating enough claories to maintain this.

They also have a strong focus on being 'healthy' as the children often bring in snacks and the ones who have fruit ect always get comments and praise. Though they seem to have a more balanced approach than the school. They get sweets after dancing and are told that sweets are okay just not all the time.

I have tried explaining proper eating to her i.e. protien is needed to build muscles and good fats like omega help your hair be shiny, calcium makes your bones strong etc.

I am going to phone the gp tommorrow to see about getting her refered again. I don't need to see a nutrionist though. I don't need some one with a degree to tell me that sausages will help her gain weight, I need to get to the bottom of why she won't eat.

Yes if she wants babying, fgs do it - not saying that crossly btw, just that really, really you need to do it now because it won't go away otherwise. I was anorexic for four years in my twenties - it sounds ridiculous but all I wanted was for my mother to treat me really gently, to 'baby' me if you like. Which she hadn't really done much when I was younger - I started being anorexic at about 9 and I believe if someone had stepped in then (mum I suppose) and been very very gentle and smothered me a bit, it wouldn't have lingered and turned into something awful.

I'm glad you're talking about it on here as my mum wasn't really aware of what I needed and perhaps your daughter will be able to recover from these early stages if you can intervene now

Often it is about not feeling ready to go out into the big wide world.

oh and Seashells - I'd stop with the rational discussion of why she needs to eat. She knows all that, what she is doing/feeling is irrational so it won't touch it.

She sounds as though she just wants to be little for a while longer. xx

I will make sure she gets plenty of attention and cuddles. Though we do a lot of this anyway. I'll try and put more focus on doing fun things with her than with her eating.

It's just so worrying when she won't eat though. It's hard not to say anything about it.

I been doing things like cutting up her food for her and putting it on her spoon/fork. Which DH hates. He says I'm pandering to her. He also doesn't like that she can ask for something to be cooked for tea or baked and she will get it. I'm all for doing whatever it takes to get the food down her though. I don't care if I am feeding her like a baby. I wouldn't care if she was sucking up her food through a straw so long as it was getting from the plate to her tum.

Think Flight is right. Every time dd has been discharged from health care it has really scared her, sort of 'I'm on my own' feeling.

Also, is this the child who has only just recovered from chickenpox? If so, I think that in itself would be enough to make her want to regress, and certainly to bring up any old issues she has had in the past.

I would make the chickenpox an excuse to baby her a bit. Never mind what others say.

Also, I think I would let her dance. Any activity that she enjoys will take her mind off her problems a little bit, and you are there to see to it that her exercising won't become obsessive.

Shesells I think you are doing everything right, just leave the weighing thing and see if it makes a difference.

Lots of love to you both xx

I think as a short term measure until your referral come through. You should stop mentioning anything to do with what she has or hasn't eaten just COMPLETELY IGNORE the issue it does sound like it could be a very deep rooted attention seeking thing that is on a subconscious level? Offer her the meal, when you've finised as a family take all the plates away and at no point even refer to what she has or hasn't eaten. Give her a small amount of what you know she will eat and a small amount of other things on the same plate and leave her to do it.

If you are able to do this it could be very telling to the experts to see if it changes her behaviour.