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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

HELP! In desperate need for some ideas with DD 4 years old please x

26 replies

Prettyfull · 08/10/2008 09:50

Ok so dd's 4. Shes never been a great sleeper, shes only ever slept through the night for what totals up to about 2 months in her life

From a baby she woke every 2 hours for a feed and even when she was off the bottle she still woke in this habit. Then it went really bad and she'd wake every hour every night. I put this down to the fact that shes not a great eater either and that she was hungry.

Its been the same since really, sometimes she'l wake every hour and sometimes anything from 2 times a night to every hour. Where i was so warn out i, dd ended up coming in my bed every night where she would only wake once or twice for milk.

For her 3rd bday i bought her a tv dvd combo in the hope it would encourage her too settle at night and enjoy being in her bedroom,...this has helped as dd will stay in her bed all night. She still wakes for milk in the night as shes still not a great eater,...but now also wakes up in the night asking me to press play on her dvd, she stays up each night for 3 hours watching dvds!!! I thought she was falling back to sleep and used it as a comfort but turns out she just stays up watching tv which i feel is really bad!!

I have tried cutting out milk and thats going well, she just has a juice by her bed. Iv tried turning the tv off and explaning its sleep time that she cant watch the dvds, but where im so tired from waking so much, i always end up giving in.

I tried so hard the other night, i kept the tv off and didnt give in, but dd begged for something else to do, she said she couldnt sleep. So after loads of crying she ended up coming in my bed!

Any ideas on why shes waking or how to get her to sleep through would be FAB

Thanks

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cory · 08/10/2008 10:01

There has been quite a bit of research that shows that children with entertainment systems sleep less well; it's too exciting and tempting I suppose, and it doesn't give the idea that this is boring sleep time. I can understand that you were desperate, but it seems like it might have back-fired. Watching DVDs stimulates the brain, that is not going to help her settle.

I would move that set downstairs to somewhere where she can only watch in the day.

Would also not give her juice at bed time, as it will be damaging her teeth in the night. Water is a lot better.

What are her bedtime routines like? I would put a lot of effort into unwinding her then, long story, and then maybe singing softly to her for a little bit.

And - I know I am unusual in this - but if she wakes up in the night and feels upset, then I would take her into my bed. It still gives her a better idea of night being for sleeping than if she is allowed to watch moving images.

You have my sympathy- my dd at 11 is still a poor sleeper (she has chronic pain and anxiety problems) so I have done a lot of this.

anniemac · 08/10/2008 10:14

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anniemac · 08/10/2008 10:15

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Original poster

Prettyfull · 08/10/2008 10:40

Hi, thanks for ideas,..
Her bedtime routine,..she has a bath at 6.30 then after massaging her with johnsons lavender baby lotion (which hasnt helped lol) when shes dried and in pj's we play for 15 mins, just quiet games, puzzles etc then at 7.15 we either read on the sofa or in her bed. At this point the dvd goes on for sleep at 7.30. I understand i shouldnt be putting a dvd on, i always hated the idea, but like somebody said, it was a last resort,..i wanted to try anything.

As somebody else said, there little one goes in to there bed. DD does crawl in sometimes in the night, but i thought i was doing bad by bringing her back in bed after finally after hard work getting her back in her own room

I havnt a clue now how im going to get her out of the routine of having advd for bed,...she settles fine in my bed so she'l have to settle fine in hers!

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anniemac · 08/10/2008 11:51

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Poledra · 08/10/2008 12:04

Instead of the DVD, how about some CDs? My two older DDs (4.5 and 2.6) listen to either story CDs or some classical music at night-time. Current favourites are Mog stories, Bob the Builder and Paddington, and the Classic FM children's lullaby CD (can't remember hte exact name at the mo!).

anniemac · 08/10/2008 12:18

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mabanana · 08/10/2008 12:23

You have got to be the adult and the parent in this relationship and stop being scared of your four year old! Take the dvd and tv out of her room today and explain from now on you will read her a story (or stories) instead. YOu expect her to stay in her bed all night (even if you have to go in and resettle her), and show her a special sticker chart you have made. Every night she stays in bed she gets a sticker and present from the sleep fairy (something teeny from teh pound shop wrapped in tissue), and when she has a whole week's stickers, you will take her to the zoo/cinema/to buy a cake in the cafe/swimming/whatever motivates her. She's definitely old enough to understand this.

mabanana · 08/10/2008 12:24

Oh, and no juice. It is terrible for teeth. she can have a glass of water before bed, but not too much or she'll be up wanting a wee!

egypt · 08/10/2008 12:56

if she's addicted to the dvd, why not do the bedtime routine earlier and get her in bed for say 630. she can watch half an hour then take it away (you might have to use a portable player). how about trying a sticker reward chart or something. work towards something she really would like to buy?

mabanana · 08/10/2008 13:24

Tv keeps children away. The bright light totally interferes with teh production of melatonin.

Original poster

Prettyfull · 08/10/2008 15:23

Juice isnt a problem as i put it by the bed, but she doesnt ever drink it. Its more there as to say dont wake up for milk, you have juice. But i'l change it to water anyway.

Yeah, the dvds the main problem,...im going to try to tonight to get her to bed without it. Im not sure what to say yet, as i dont want her to think im punishing her taking the tv away. I was tempted to say its broken!

Tonight im going to spend longer reading to her before bed to,.so i'l see how it goes. Im in for a loooong night lol

OP posts:

juuule · 08/10/2008 15:40

Is she alone when she watches the dvd?
How long is it before she goes off to sleep when it's on?
If she's asleep soon after then I can't see a problem with her watching a calming dvd before sleep.
Maybe watch with her.

Otherwise how about saying that you'll read her a story as a treat rather than her being alone with the dvd?

I would also talk to her about not having the dvd on in the night and explain why. Tell her that night-time is for sleeping to keep you well. Let her know that if she's worried when she wakes in the night that she can always come in to your room. Let her know that you need your sleep too.

Original poster

Prettyfull · 08/10/2008 17:27

Hi, thanks. Yeah shes alone after iv read to her and shes got her dvd. Most nights shes asleep within 15 mins but the odd nights she'l watch maybe half hour-45 mins of a dvd before falling asleep.

Iv tried explaining to her that she needs her sleep to grow big and strong and mummy needs her sleep to so i have more energy to play more games and not have a tired mummy! Ok, so after your post, im going with what your saying. Im going to just stick at not giving in during the night and try reading her a book instead of dvd, no doubt she will cry and moan but worth a shot!

Shes in such a bad habit now of sleeping,..or not sleeping should i say,..she seems to survive on only 6 hours sleep a night!

Thanks again to every one whos posted,..fingers crossed tonight goes well! x

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egypt · 09/10/2008 01:31

I think you need to do nothing in the night. Just put her back to bed, or in your bed for now. She needs to know that nightime is for sleep NOTHING else. No reading, playing, tv. Try as mabanana says and give her stickers and presents as rewards. Make a chart and explain she will get a sticker and a present in the morning if she doesn't come out when she wakes. It's not the fact she's waking, is it, it's the fact she is coming to you. She has to learn to fall back asleep by herself.

You could tell her you will give her one sticker when is has gone to sleep in the eve - as she seems to do that easily. So when she wakes in the night she SEES that and is reminded that if she stays in bed she will get another in the morning along with a present. Just try it. You may be surprised.

egypt · 09/10/2008 01:34

btw, those glow in the dark stars are good. she can see it when she wakes in the night and they are q cool and exciting to have ! my dd loves them. I bribed her for ages.

Original poster

Prettyfull · 09/10/2008 07:53

Hi thanks, DD has the glow in the dark stars lol Surprising last night was FAB! I dont get it really, as i didnt try as hard as i should have. I did let her have a dvd for bedtime aswel as books but i explained i wouldnt be getting up in the night to turn her dvd on and that her tv will be off. I tried explaining this before but she has always woken.

She only woke up once, and i cant believe she didnt beg for a dvd!!! She called out at 3am as she wanted me to turn her lamp off she said it was too bright!! That was it, then she woke at 6am!

Im giving her a sticker for last night as compared to normal that was a great night, im so shocked she didnt even ask for a dvd!!! Hmmm very strange lol just hope tonight goes as well!

OP posts:

egypt · 09/10/2008 08:59

so she has a lamp on all night?

try turning that off after she has fallen asleep tonight. maybe it's that that is waking her...

egypt · 09/10/2008 09:00

anyway, well done on last night!! but don't get your hopes up, it may well have been just a lucky fluke!

Original poster

Prettyfull · 09/10/2008 09:14

Yea i have a feeling its justa fluke! But we'l soon see! She doesnt normally have a lamp but i thought since the light from the tv isnt there she'l freak out if its dark, but i'l warn her tonight that it'l be dark how she wanted it last night.

OP posts:

egypt · 09/10/2008 12:53

or just a little night light?

stealthsquiggle · 09/10/2008 12:57

My DC each have a string of fairy-type lights (DS has the alphabet, DD has flowers) which are always on - DD definitely sleeps better since I finally put hers up and stopped having to leave a stronger light on for her. I do feel the need to leave something on as the house is black dark otherwise and it is a bit freaky.

egypt · 09/10/2008 13:29

we have this

they have cuter ones in blue and green

egypt · 09/10/2008 13:30

actually, green is supposed to be the most sleep inducing colour

Original poster

Prettyfull · 10/10/2008 09:19

Ok, not sure whats going on here lol,...dd went to bed again with her dvd. She slept all night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!From 7.45-6.30!!!! Im soo shocked,...finding it hard to believe! Just hope it carrys on! xx

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