My behaviour is slipping HELP! Starting to bribe DS and giving him sweets and more!

[Starbear]

I gave Smarties with his sandwich this evening. Crisps with another sandwich yesterday. Then told him he wasn't going to get Smarties if he didn't stop crying after I tried to show him how to get his shirt off.
DS is now four and starting to have tantrums at the drop of a hat now especially when you try and show him how to do things. He now expects treats all the time. I have to break this habit before all his teeth fall out and he can't undress without tears his and mine. Help!

Could you try stickers as reward instead?

If your behavious is slipping you should go and sit on the naughty step

aw you poor thing
can you distract him with other things to start with
doctor who stickers are always a winner with my ds
give him loads of attention , my ds loves cuddling up with his favourite picture books still
And they need tonnes of fresh air and exercise at that age too
My ds still can't do some things like buttons, needs help with his socks, I try not to sweat the small stuff as they say

just stop them. I found I was giving ds1 more and more treats and his sugar fuelled behaviour was getting ridiculous so I have cut them all out.
just stopped.

I deal with the tantrums how I always have. by saying that I don't like hearing that noise/being spoken to like that/being kicked etc etc and then I remove either himself or myself from the situation. or if he'll let me I try and help him calm down.

I think boys are late with dressing/undressing. ds1 is 3yrs 8 months and only just even beginning to show interest in doing it himself, and that's only because he prefers being naked lol

Seriously though, 4 is not an easy age, just as bad as 3 IME.

If you try to teach him something and it doesn't work out, let him cry and console him with tenderness not sweets.

FWIS, DS didn't work out dressing until he was about 4.5. There's no point persisting if they are not ready to learn. Give it a break and try again in a couple of months.

Thank you I feel like I need to step back a few steps. I was very good until now. He can dress himself very well and undress just sometimes tries to bring both arms out of his neck and then gets trapped. I should just let him get trapped and help him then figure it out.
He now crys when we tell him its bed time. Really big boo hoo with gaint rain drop tears. So I give in and give him 10 mins more of T.V. Should I give in or stand my ground and carry him up and be cross what!
Need lots of tips pls

Oh! very poor spelling in that last post oops!

Starbear, have you tried giving him a "warning" that it'll be bedtime in 10 minutes? Then again in 5 minutes? I find this really helps with all sorts of things.

Yes it used to work now he hold up various fingers and says no this mins more!!!! and if we don't agree he has a paddy!

I think now he is a little more grown up and can work on explaining things. Feel like I have failed when he throws teddy in the corner. I seem to distract him and cheer him up only to have another paddy about the next thing Also don't want to be ridge and Victorian Mum. What should I let go what should I hold tight on.

They have no idea of time. Just say "ok" then take him off after 10 minutes or whatever anyway

Compo I might try stickers as you suggested. Tried them for potty training but he was too young. Maybe try again just for mornings and bedtime too much otherwise.

I'm now going to be strict with myself and get off this machine. I've been on it since DS went to bed at 7.30pm so I'm not applying the same rules to myself. I'm going to get something to eat, fill the dishwasher and tidy the kitchen. Then I'll give myself A SMARTIE maybe not!

Of course you haven't failed when he throws his teddy in a corner. He has a right to feel cross about it being the end of the day.

If he is cross about everything at bedtime, he may need to go to sleep earlier.

Have you tried making bedtime into a game. DD has decided she is an engine so we make a train upstairs (DD, her soft toy and me). Sometime DS who is older joins on the back even though he doesn't have to go up at the same time. (Sorry if we sound like the Waltons!)

I am all for bribery occasionally to address specific behaviors that need to be changed in the short term, but tbh I think using it for day to day stuff, eating, dressing, bed etc it's not really helpful.

I also like Otherside's fun approach and sometimes a bit of nonsense or silliness will work. If my DD is reluctant to go off to bed my DH often says "ok I'll go and brush your teeth without you then". She'll drop what she's doing and come running!

With getting dressed there's nothing wrong with giving him a hand if he's having problems, likewise food: sometimes they're not hungry, if dinner is fruit and a yogurt then no problem, doesn't mean they'll refuse dinner forevermore.

Thank you Sputnik, I getting back on track last night was better. He tries alsorts of tricks to stay downstairs with Mum and dad. T.V goes off Can I do some drawing can we play a game, my feet are stuck in the sofa! Gave him a piggy back last night and just made bedtime a little more of a game. Went off fine. See if I'm good today.