Can your nearly 3 year old entertain themselves for long? Or indeed, at all??

[DontGetIt]

Just wondered since my DC1 can't seem to. I can't help feeling he should be able and willing to play alone for a while at points during the day, whereas unless the telly is on, then I am in constant demand to look, hold, play with, follow etc etc. Mostly that is fine, either we are out doing stuff or at home doing things, but I do have another younger DC as well as chores to do/food to cook. To get anything done or to spend time with DC2 then DC1 has to have telly on or I will not be able to do whatever without him hanging off me/whining etc. He wont yet play with me and DC2 at the same time unfortunately, still suffering from jealousy. I guess my question is, do I need to just accept that he isn't very independent ...or is it just the age he is? Or am I foolish to be using the telly to keep him out of my hair? It is on a bit too much and maybe it doesnt matter, but I feel a bit of a failure when it goes on again...

Damn. I always post when its quiet on here then wonder why no one will talk to me...

Ds (2) and dd (3) will go off by themselves to their room or garden.

Provide them with water and/ or mud and they will entertain themselves for hours.

Dd will get out all her plastic animals and talk away to herself while ds pokes slugs with a stick.

I think it's a case of just ignoring them and letting them entertain themselves.

I don't like demonising the TV because I think it's a great tool for getting things done.

Hmm. Yes, had a horrible feeling others of this age do manage to play on their own. Is it just the way he is then, or do I somehow have to 'make' him play alone...? Ignoring him doesn't work, believe me I do try on a regular basis! He just shouts 'COME SEE' at me louder and louder until I feel sorry for the neighbours!

No - my dd only started to play by herself at age 3.5 and then only for a stretch of time.
The TV had to be on a fair bit before then otherwise wouldn't get anything done. Its aaargh!

Dh has learned to ignore. He has it down to a fine art!

I hate constantly running to the dcs when they yell "Mummy? Muuuuuummmmmmeeeee! Mummy. Where are you? Come here Muuuuuuuuuummmmmm". So I ingnore it. If they want me that much they can come to me.

My DD (3.10) has always been pretty good at entertaining herself for quite long periods.

However, I have a high tolerance for (temporary) appalling disorder and mess. I don't expect her to play with toys quietly in a corner.

I do think girls start entertaining themselves earlier than boys ime.
Can you set challenges - I send ds2 off to the furthest corner of the house saying find me 2 blue animals' or soome such nonsense. I time ds2 doing things like running to his room and back - I can time and mumsnet at the same time.
I used to put the megablocks in the middle of the kitchen floor and then make appropriate 'wow' noises whilst cooking.
Or sit them on the bench (danger disclaimer)and talk to them whilst I'm making lunches.Chores are harder - giving ds2 a duster works sometimes and being very serious about what his 'job' is.
It will get better.

I know exactly where you are coming from MTR - its drives me mad! Have to say, he is perfectly prepared to come to me if he really has to, so ignoring in our house isn't a particularly successful strategy! He just turns up in a huge strop as pay back!

I have a DS 2.6 and a DD 6 months.

I bought a [rather expensive!] plastic Thomas train set and loads of engines (gave the engines to him one by one). He is thrilled with them and will sit inside the track taking the engines round/through the station house for ages. Best buy ever!

I think it's just luck with the jealousy thing. My DS isn't jealous, but I have bought him a hell of a lot of toys since DD was born - more toys than he's ever had!! I also put her in babygros to please DS - I dress her in ones with cars/big coloured spots on and he looks at them and points things out on her.

At some point things will need to change and he will need to give in to her. I don't know when, I'm just seeing how it all goes!

Also, if he wants something she is holding, I let him have it and give her something else as she is not too bothered really being so young. If he asks me for a cuddle when I am holding her, I will usually put her down (so long as he is not asking all the time) to signify to him that he is still as important as before she was here.

I have 3 Thomas DVDs as well. They save me!!

My eldest DS was good at entertaining himself but my twins are always battling for my attention. It bugs me when people think oh twins, easy, just play together! I think it also depends on the personality of the child.

I really think it's down to personality- some children like other people/children to play with. DD (2.8) is happy to play by herself, as long as I am there to say "yes darling, no darling, ooh isn't that nice 'food' darling", incessantly occasionally.
What really interests him?
DD can play for a long time independently with things that are either complicated- ie lots of little bits like a farm or a dolls house, or new ie never seen before, lots to discover, or a real old favourite eg caring for her 'baby' that she's growing in her tummy, just like mummy!
Obviously it's easier if these are things that are available.... her other great favourite is 'watering' the garden, but just too cold/wet at the moment for me to sit outside with her!

Thats funny Luckylady...my ds is 1 and already so much better at entertaining himself endlessly than my dd. He was fantasticly happy for 45mins this morning in a pile of cheerios poured straight onto the floor from a full box!

Ok LL74...thats an interesting point, most of his toddler mates are girls so maybe Im getting a skewed impression. One mate's little girl has recently dropped her lunchtime nap, so instead now sits happily in her bedroom playing with her little animals for AN HOUR while mum rests/catches up downstairs!

The other thing I find is that she loves copying me if I have chores to do- 'cooking' with her pans, 'ironing' with a wooden seal from her zoo (!) and a pram blanket, cleaning the floor- she has a mini sweeping brush, and dustpan and brush set.
Now she can carry things I also let her help by laying the table... which she adores doing!
If you have to feed/change baby, could DS do that to a cuddly/doll at the same time?
I have chortled at threads before of DC1 bfing their tractor or something while mum bfs DC2!

DS1 is 3.6 and has only recently started to be able to entertain himself. Even now he has days when he wants me to play with him the whole time. Like JuneBug my DS2 (19mths) is way better at entertaining himself and can happily potter around all day.

I think it's just a personality thing. On the plus side ds1 is great at making friends with other children - he just pesters them to play with him until they give in. I think he is going to be a friendly and sociable when he's older rather than locking himself in his room

Other peoples ideas for toddler entertaining are really interesting, thanks everyone for that and for general comments too. I do feel like I've tried a lot of the things people mention...but don't want to be negative about the situation by saying 'Tried that, tried that, didnt work'. Soooo, what does he like...well, it kind of brings me full circle, its not so much he doesnt like doing things, its just that he wants me there to watch him do them. We have Thomas DVDs, a train set, toy lorries, cars coming out of our ears, he loves watering the garden too EPPM ...but Im racking my brains for something he will actually do alone and I can't think of something. There must be something...well, telly of course. Hmm. Lets have a quick think.

yes ds 3.6 also has just started to do moer by himself, he has also recently developed a much longer attention span. i expect the two are linked.

My DS (3 and 2 months) plays alone for 5 or 6 hours with his (grown up size ) lego. Not actually alone, obviously, and will stop to eat and sit on his potty and then just wants to get back to it. He does like telly but always wanders off back to his lego. Sometimes he asks if I or his dad or another adult visitor will do it with him but other times he gets very cross if anyone tried to join in because he is so busy concentrating on his own world. Speaks in different accents and make brilliant stuff. Maybe he's a bit eccentric. DD1 (4) has always played alone too but for much shorter times. They play together a lot too. And 6 month old DD is happy crawling about investigating things on her own but squawks with joy as soon as anyone joins in.

I think it's a personality thing. Two of mine - dd1 and dd3 - could always amuse themselves from the age of about 18 months, nicely and quietly in a corner with duplo etc.

Dd2 is just 7 and has only recently got even halfway able to play on her own. She's very energetic and sociable and likes to do things in company, not on her own. She is always the one wanting the TV on and/or wanting someone to play with her.

I tend to ensure she has company rather than worrying that she's not much of a lone player. That's easy for us as we have other children and lots of children who can visit at short notice. For us it's easier to invite other children round than to try and get dd2 to play alone. Or I send her off to play with friends when she's restless, even at 3 I did this a lot with her.

Agree it's personalty more than age. I know some adults who can't stand doing anything alone - my friend says she always wants someone being her witness - unless hse's having colonic irrigation (!) whereas DH and I both like time on our own. Like I will sometimes go to the cinema or whatever by myself - or for walks. So does he. So maybe there's an element of being like us. Time will tell I suppose?!

Ds (3.8) is by nature a socialiser so much pefers people. He also pesters children until they give up and play with him. Dh says he is in awe of how ds 'works a room'

He will play alone sometimes but only for 20-30 mins max and that has only started recently. He is an only child though so is foced to play alone sometimes. I think if he weren't an only child he would never play alone if he could help it. I'm of a child who plays alone for hours !!

Oh and I have a very high tolerence for mess too but ds just seems to need me or someone around whether he is making a mess or not.

Ok then, sounds like its a personality thing. I guess that does make sense, as MrsB says, many adults dislike being on their own so why should a child be any different. Funnily enough, both DH and I like our space so its clearly not genetic! So, another question (catch the evening crew!) - any ideas for brilliant boy-friendly-take-ages-to-play-on-their own games/toys for a nearly 3 year old then?! Seriously tho, maybe I do need to make a toy investment, we have loads of indiscriminate stuff, but maybe there are things out there that would help him play alone for a bit. I do actually think it would be a useful thing for him to be able to do, and not just from a leaving mum alone angle, but from a self sufficiency point of view. TIA for any ideas!

A farm with animals
A neutral coloured dolls house
play kitchen
pots and pans and play food
duplo
train set (wooden type)