how can I help my 9 year old to eat neatly with a knife & fork?

[geekgirl]

Dd1 (9!!) really struggles to eat properly with a knife & fork.
She can hold the fork fine in the right hand, but when it comes to holding it in the left and cutting with the right she is totally hopeless and TBH a complete embarrassment when we're eating out, and it never fails to enrage dh at family mealtimes . She is unable to cut up most foods and as a result doesn't bother - it's just not good and looks like she's been raised by wolves.

I don't know where I've 'failed' because my other two manage it just fine - in fact the head told me the other day that ds (who has just started reception) is an outstandingly neat eater and does so well with his cutlery and that we've done such a good job .

I'm despairing - dd1 is growing up and will never eat like a laydee at this rate. I need a finishing school or at least some good tips on teaching neat eating. She has school dinners which I suspect doesn't help - they'll all eat like pigs no doubt.

My dd couldn't manage to use a knife and fork until a few months ago (when she just turned).

It suddenly dawned on me that my brother is ambi-dextrous so I told her to use the knife and fork as a left-handed person would. It worked straightaway.

Try it and see if it helps.

just turned 7 that should be.

Btw my brother is ambi-dextrous as a result being forced to use his right hand at primary school - by his left handed teacher!

My ds (7) also finds this hard.

He has packed lunch at school and I think this just makes it more difficult. He would always choose to pick food up with his fingers or just use a fork for smaller things.

After having a younger friend for tea, who used his knife and fork beautifully, I decided I had to make a concerted effort.

I went to ikea and bought some middle sized metal cutlery with a good sharp knife.

I try to get him to cut up soft food that is easy to cut - fish fingers, sausages, cooked carrots, etc but will still cut up tougher food for him. Sometimes we do it together with my hands over his.

He has definitely improved but it is still a struggle.

Would she practise at home with playdough where no-one can see her, or maybe do cooking with you that involves cutting with just using a knife and holding the food with her hand. That would at least give her the idea of the knife action needed.

My ds (age 7) cannot use a knife and fork. He is dyspraxic and finds the sawing action of the nkife really difficult.. He is also a messy eater. If your dd has low muscle tone in her hands she may need some help (although I know this is probably a long shot - just thinking there may be a good reason she is finding it difficult). If her handwriting is neat and tidy then this is probably unlikely. She may just need to be taught how to do it, in a very calm, non-judgemental way.

What's the problem with her using her fork in the right and knife in the left? Both my youngest two do this

thanks for the replies - her handwriting isn't great TBH and she doesn't hold pens in a proper tripod grip though - school have given up and say that the way she holds a pen is a 'functional grip' . They've never flagged up any concerns about her handwriting though and she can do a good job when she tries hard.

I will see how she does with the knife in the left hand...

I think we need to practise this properly and without dh bitching at her from the other side of the table. She just doesn't even seem able to work out how to hold the cutlery properly, and then actually using it just doesn't work very well at all.

Have a look here. These are some of the symptoms of dyspraxia. I am probably banging on about it because it was exactly this that got us thinking that there was something more than just being messy with our ds. There are huge degrees of how children are affected so some may have only a few symptoms. We are getting some cutlery marked up so ds knows where to put his fingers, then it's a matter of teaching him the sawing action.

Sorry if I am barking up the wrong tree. Some of the things you said just rang a bell with me.

That's interesting.

My dd has a very odd pencil grip (but her writing, colouring etc skills are fine)

Definitely get your DH to stop criticising her while she eats. That could make her anxious and self-conscious and make it harder for her to do it.

I can see why you want to help her get it sorted but the way you describe his reaction (enraged?) seems a little OTT. She's just a little girl and having a father getting so mad with her inadequacies at the dinner table must be horrible for her.

Sounds like you are approaching it very constructively with her, but might be undermined by his frustration (if it's obvious).

DD1 has dyspraxia. She is 11. She still has to ask me to cut up her food for her quite often. Does your DD also have trouble with scissors? From what you have posted it does sound like she has general fine motor control issues - perhaps if you try explaining this to your DH it will calm him down a bit. My DH used to get a bit stressed about DD1, as he refused to accept she was dyspraxic at first as she has always been very good at her schoolwork, was a very early reader and so on which helped mask it to some extent, and he got very frustrated with her inability to master riding a bike for example.
But now he understands, and things are a lot better.

Should have said, wrt the eating - could you cut her food up before serving it to her, then she doesn't have the stress of having to cut it up herself and it might make mealtimes a bit more relaxed.