anytime something doesn't work or ds1(5) can't do something..

[oops]

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I am a bit like this-get irrationally annoyed with inanimate objects .My dad is the same.Funnily enough am very calm with people.
I have to take a deep breath and count to ten when I feel the anger come on.Really helps.
Maybe you could talk tohim about it and see if he could try something like that.

my dd (now 5) gets sooo frustrated when she can't do something, is always in tears and screaming, wouldn't really break toys but would rip up what she was writing/drawing etc. What we have tried is modelling coping with getting stuff wrong (so if she 'can't' draw something and wants one of us to do it, we make a big deal about how it won't be perfect and try to do it a bit wrong - we have a joke in this house that we don't do perfect, we do 'bodge it' , ok-ish, or 'could do better' - and then model 'putting up with' getting it wrong - oh look, that bit went a bit wrong, never mind I'll just go over it. I also try to get her to ask for help (which she finds hard) i.e. if she's struggling 'let me know if you want some help', then try to get alongside her to help her do it if she does ask. I think with the breaking/throwing stuff I would be inclined to try to link it to the feeling - its not OK to throw stuff, if you are feeling frustrated maybe you need to go into a different room to calm down for two minutes/count to ten/punch a pillow - anything that acknowledges the feeling but isn't destructive. My dd does the taking herself off for five minutes thing quite regularly now, and usually comes back to whatever she's doing and manages it better. I find it really hard too, wish she wouldn't be so hard on herself.

Also trying to teach ds1 (almost 5) to control his frustration by putting it down, taking a deep breath and either trying again or coming and asking for help. He does need prompting to do this.

teach him deep breathing .. he needs to find a way to control his own frustration emotions

with mine I teach them to blow out birthday candles (my fingers) or to blow up a balloon (holding their arms straight out in front of them and blowing it bigger and bigger) .. gradually they can learn to take a deep breath

it takes time but really they're just farked orf at not being perfet and what they need to do is find their equilibrium on their own .. eventually they get to that point and you can watch them take a deep breath to try to get back in control (DS has mastered this now at 7.5 .. DD needs a little help sometimes still at 4.5)

I was somewhat like this when I was a kid and it all stemmed from low self-esteem. I had always set stupidly high standards for myself, thus getting frustrated when I inevitably failed to reach them, and as a result of being bullied by a cousin I had a pathological fear of being laughed at, so hated getting things 'wrong' or not being able to do things first time because IME that caused people to laugh at you. It was incredibly limiting - tis the reason I can't ride a bike (tried to teach myself aged around 6, fell off 3 times, had a paddy, threw bike on the floor and would not be persuaded to try again) - and in fact still is. I still struggle with not being perfect first time, which is stupid as who is? Fear of failure stops me from trying all sorts of things I really want to do.

Anyway, just wanted to put my experience and suggest that maybe his frustration is with himself, and that it might be worth exploring this with him. Obviously you know your child best and this might totally not apply to him...good luck anyway, I think it's great that you are trying to address this issue with him

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