HI Rats, yes I've got long legs but believe me they're not a pretty sight! Imagine two long white pieces of string with a knot in the middle for a knee ...
Oh, that must be hard if you've got a 3 month old too. It's up to you really if you give cc a go or not. The only thing to note is that you've got to be totally committed to it. As you say, your dd thinks that when you go in, you might get her up, well, cc is meant to be very definite - you'll go in to let her know you're there but she is not getting up. I don't know how verbal your dd is, but mine was quite verbal when we were doing it which I think made it harder. She'd shout out things like 'don't leave me!' 'I don't like this!' 'Mummy, cuddle me, cuddle me, cuddle me' and we'd lie in bed feeling awful. But the truth is she wouldn't co-sleep, if we got her up to cuddle her she just wanted to play, reading stories made her more awake than ever etc. etc. so we weren't doing any of us any favours by trying to be 'kind.'
I followed Ferber, the gentlest version. It went something like this:
1st night: Go in after 2 mins, 4 mins, 6 mins, then every 10 mins after that.
2nd night: Go in after 4 mins, 8 mins, 10 mins, then every 15 mins after that.
3rd night: Go in after 8 mins, 15 mins, then every 20 mins after that.
By the third night she was going off after about my 2nd visit to her and after a week she was saying goodnight and going straight to sleep without a murmur. BUT the first few nights were truly awful. The lowest point was when she woke at 4am and was calling for me until 6.30 . I kept going in, like a zombie by the end, and telling her I loved her and in the end she just went to sleep. After that she got rapidly better. And she's never seemed the slightest bit traumatised by it. Now she goes to bed, snuggles up and loves her cot.
When you go in it's important not to make it too 'pleasurable' i.e. a reward for their crying. Be calm and firm and give a cuddle when they're in the cot (never lift out), kiss, tell them it's sleepy time and leave, no longer than 2-3 minutes in there.
Rather than being cruel which some people think it is, I think it works to show the child that they're not alone but that they have to sleep in their bed and that no amount of crying will change the fact that you love them OR that they have to go to sleep.
There are loads of other things you might try, however, some people swear by that pick up / put down method which did nothing but send my dd into a total frenzy of confusion 'am I up? Am I down ... waaaahhhh!!!'