please help! 1h or more tantrums is this terrible twos??

[shellki]

I need advice on how to handle my DD's recent tantrums. They have started since I went away on a work trip. She had been waking up at 1am or 4am and screaming for and hour or more before we can persuade her to go to sleep using 'controlled crying'. She seems to be enraged, but I don't know why. She goes to bed like a little angel, and then wakes up screaming. I have just had a 1h30 episode this pm when she refused to take her nap. Am exhausted and no longer know how to handle this - please help!

Is her general health ok - it's not an ear infection or reflux or something? Is there something in her room that's changed and unsettled her? Is she having nightmares? Is she needing less nap?

I don't think it her health or that anything is wrong as such. Other than me going away last week and her having a fall and cutting her lip there is nothing I can think of that could explain this. I think she is punishing me for leaving her for much longer than ever before (5 days) - but obviously that's just a theory. For her nap, she was exhausted and kept falling asleep on her feet and then waking up to start shouting and crying again.

All I can say is lots of reassurance rather than controlled crying - if she's been freaked by you going away she needs to regain confidence in you I suppose - kill it with kindness is my favourite phrase though!

I agree - definitely worth a try - go in to her and gush about how much you love her, the lovely things that happened that day, what you'll be doing tomorrow etc etc for about 3-4 minutes and tell her it's time to sleep and that you'll be there in your bed etc. Really lay it on thick. You might be surprised. this is what we had with our DD and that approach got her back to sleep in 10 minutes rather than CC which took over an hour and obviously wasn't addressing her needs

Thanks I'll try that rather than cc which isn't working.

Ds used to do this most nights, until in despair I took him into my bed. He almost never did again. I think he needed the reassurance that we were there if we needed him. Could this be the case for your dd? Do you think if you offered comfort rather than cc (which is what we were doing) it coud help? I appreciate that there is always a concern that things may go backwards as a result!