game playing behaviour issues in 8 year old...help!

[frazzledali]

Hi,

My lovely, clever DSS (8, nearly 9) is bright and funny and very nice to be around...except when he has a tantrum. Which is hardly different to any other child I expect! He's very competitive and gets incredibly upset if he doesn't win - at anything at all. We have just abandoned a board game as he had a screaming fit because someone (yes...me) thwarted him from winning (didn't actually beat him, just took a piece away that meant he wouldn't win immediately. I was still losing...!). The tantrum wasn't directed at me, our relationship is good - astonishingly good, actually as it is with my DSD (5, nearly 6). It was just another tantrum.

Normally we try and talk him down and go on with the game, but this time I just couldn't take it any more. He had run off screaming and crying to the other room and I calmly told the others I thought I wouldn't play any more and came upstairs to go on here - I've been thinking of posting a message on here about this issue anyway so now seemed as good a time as any.

A wee bit of background - I've been with DP for 18 months, lived with him for 12; we have the kids 50% of the time and I'd say we genuinely do have an excellent relationship, I feel very lucky. DP's ex has just had a baby about 10 weeks ago with her new partner, we all get along very well and it's about as amicable as it can be. Obviously aware that there are possible stress issues here for both the DSC's, even if it is all good on the surface.

DP takes control of behaviour issues, I step in if need be but generally leave alone as I do think that kind of thing should be up to his mum and dad. It would rarely be me that was involved in discipline, unless I was looking after them on my own which does happen very occasionally, but mostly I step back from that if possible as I don't want to tread on anyone's toes.

But I would like to be able to provide more support for DP on this, and perhaps be able to say something to DSS if a good opportunity arose. Or just know what he's going through, and how we can help him with it.

Um...I think I might have rambled enough. Any ideas?

sounds like a psychological throwback to the separation possibly? it is quite common for kids not ''go off on one'' when they don't win/don't get their own way after a separation if they did not want their parent sto split (and most kids don't want this do they!!). its their way of expressing their frustration and often associate not winning with not getting their own way over their parents staying together.

having 50 -50 shared care can reduce this effect as at least they see each parent a lot. his mum having had another baby recently should in theory make these occurunces more frquent at the moment as he will either begin to realise his parents will not be getting back together, or that he realises that he is going down the pecking order a bit more now the baby is here

does he do this sort of thing more with you, with dad or with siblings?

if all is good, then it may mean you need to take a bit more control yourself on the behavior side I mean? he may think that he can get away with more with you as you don't tell him off and if dad is not around at the time.......

not much help other than that I am sorry!!

ah really? I wondered if it might be related to the split. His little sister doesn't have the same reactions at all but she was younger so I guess doesn't remember it so much.

He does it less with me, actually, his behaviour is generally very good with me and he tends to listen to me and respond immediately if I have to ever tell him off.

We just get so worried if he wants to play a game as it ALWAYS ends in tears.

Anyone else had any experience of this? All advice welcome!