Are these things all normal toddler fussiness?

[GodzillasBumcheek]

a. Forces me to hold tissue in the mornings while she drinks her milk. Literally shoves it into my hand, stopping drinking the milk to do it if i have put it down on my knee.

b. She had several mini tantrums in the park yesterday because i was pushing the pushchair one-handed while she walked along! She went to the extent that when i said no, she threw herself headlong onto the grass!

c. All buttons and zips MUST be done up on her or me. when i put my jacket on she screams if i don't do the zip straight away.

There are more but these are the ones i can remember this late in the evening.

Sounds pretty much like my DD2. She likes to control / be in control as much as possible.

If you're happy to continue then fine - I got fed up as the list of 'important issues' grew too long and decided enough was enough.

Yes it was funny for a while but eventually I've had to start rebelling against the tyranny.

Sounds pretty much like my dd (2.8)
If you do something she wanted to do, you have to put it back to how it was...
yes- zips have to be all the way
If you don't hear exactly what she said 1st time...and repeat it back, she will scream.
We just ignore it mostly!

EPPM - we have that 'repeat it back exactly as it was said' thing too - drives me round the bend. It's no good acknowledging what she has said, it must be repeated exactly right- it's like dealing with an blimen air traffic controller ARGHHHH.....

GAwd... and their funny little accents! You have to 'guess' what most words are, cos they come out with such crazy sentences anyway... it can be a total minefield!

And, yes, if I nod enthusiastically and say 'oh yes, darling, really!' she just glares as she knows I haven't heard her properly!

regconise all those behaviours, boy is 2.6.
Things MUST be in the right - ie normal- place. no one but he is allowed to turn off his train toy, helping him to do something he wished to do by himself triggers melt down.
Fun age isn;t it.

Oh well...there's no use me hoping it's something broken that can be fixed then? Will she take forever to stop it?

I think that depends on how much you indulge her and what her temperament is.

I think if you indulge it for too long you end up with trouble for much longer than you might do otherwise. I guess when you are dealing with an individual whose personality you are still getting to know there is no way of knowing how long it might last or what is the best approach to use.

My DD1 stopped at about 2.3 (and at 4.5 has just started up again ) DD2 is still going strong at 2.5. I had to use a different approach with each DD to improve the situation because they are quite different characters.

Would love to know what approaches you did use with each, BigBadMousey.

Yes, sounds familiar.. DS 22 months insists that I put my glasses on as soon as he arrives in our room and he makes DH wear his watch.

He's really messy with his toys but will pick up any crumb that he finds on the carpet

Won't leave the house without his reins on if we use the front door but won't let me put reins on him if we use the back door..

Just cute phases that they soon forget about as long as you don't make a fuss.

All sounds very familiar.

But I do draw the line at doing my own zip up if I don't want to. A very calm and assertive "You can have yours done up. But I don't have to do my zip up if I don't want to." Followed by a wild piece of distration "oh - look at the flying dinosaur" generally does the trick.

It is a phase which will most probably pass. Although I do know a six year old who still has some very, very irritating rituals which must be satisfied. And she doesn't have any SN as far as I am aware - just seems to like manipulating her long-suffering parents. (Have known her since birth, so not being sweepingly judgemental here).

Which is why I'm wary of indulging my toddler tooooo much!

godzilla - OH so familiar. my DD is 7 and had a shedload of these traits, at their peak during the years 3-5 with a corresponding tidal wave effect on our family's stability!! it was a really tought time. they are -thank GOD - diminishing with time. the worst year of my entire life was when she was 4 and EVERY DAY began with a massive tantrum bcs i (yes i, not she - why did i allow this, why??) poured her cornflakes into her bowl THE WRONG WAY. the right way was a mystery known only to her, needless to say. it was HELL.
gradually dh and i reasserted ourselves (not a moment too soon) but also time helped - she became a load less neurotic as she got older. even now we have occasional problems still, bcs her need to control is still pretty intense, albeit less than it used to be. i actually did used to wonder about SN for my kid smithagain, bcs it was so pronounced and went on longer than average, but it really does seem to be a combination of incredibly strong, stubborn, anxious personality and, er, bit of a weedy mother (in the early years). would definitely do it differently if i could rewind the years ie be firmer, have clearer boundaries and do my own zips up!!

Oh gosh yes.

Amongst other things, DS (2.2) objects if I change my hairstyle (eg putting hair up when cooking) during the day. "Not hair up mummy! Take it OFF!"

At first I indulged, but now I tell him I have to put my hair up while I cook because he doesn't want hair in his food. And I'll take it down when I've finished. Surprisingly, he's usually happy with that.

Try explaining?

You all have my son! He is a week off three, and everything has to be either done by himself, taking God only knows how long, or else carefully dictated. We have to walk behind him, 'no, back Mummy, back to there, ok, now stop..' and everything he can try to control, he will. I second castille, explainations on why you are refusing things are so far, the best method, otherwise we use firetrucks rather than flying dinosaurs for key distractions.