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Behaviour/development

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Oh my God is our C putting us through it :- Terrible twos can't get any worse surely!!!!!

13 replies

TMD · 23/09/2008 11:13

We are really struly with C he is two half next month and a complete nightmare!!!!
Kicking cratching biting hitting charging like a rhino if ignore him, doesn't let up unless he's asleep! I just ventured out to a local Gym tots class to let him burn off some excess energy but twenty mins in he completely lost it big paddy wanted to have picnic in there( your not allowed food drink in there) understandably so I tell him this he insists we go out to cafe other side of gym doors!!!!! I refuse he has tantrum we left me red faced him screaming!!! What can I do!!! I can go on but I don't want to depress everyone else too!!!! HELP

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Clockface · 23/09/2008 11:18

Does he still have a sleep? Or does he genuinely need a quiet time to calm him down?

You poor thing, it sounds like you could do with a quiet time too.
It doen't last forever though!

TMD · 23/09/2008 11:38

Yes thankfully he still has one mid morning for about hour and a half9Hense i'm alking with you guys) but if not at home in his be he won't give in!! I dread taking him out lately but life still has to go on!!! He hasn't been a good sleeper from birth and got decidedly worse when he went into a bed! he is three foot one already and 18.5kg so a tall lad and I find it very difficult to restrain him. I keep being told having another baby helps? We are thinking of trying again soon before we both get too old, if we keep putting it off before we know it we'll be drawing our pensions! only kidding. I just wish sometimes he'd be normal like other kids, But health visitor says don't kid yourself other parents are saying the same thing!!! I Started him at nursery last month for two afternoons a week he hates it screams when i leave and end up having to pick him up after three quarters of hour! I thought great bit me time but having to stay there with him at mo!!!! I'm exhausted!

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Hetti · 23/09/2008 16:26

I can only suggest you be consistant with him.He sounds like he's very headstrong a bit like a friends son I know. It took her 2 months to persuade him to stay at nursery, she even took him in PJ's one day as he wouldn't get dressed!if you give an inch at anytime he'll carry on with his tactics to manipulate you.Stay strong and calm as you can, I know easier said than done. Stick with leaving him at nursery, maybe this has triggered his latest behaviour?maybe his way of getting your attention?

moosh · 23/09/2008 17:46

Sorry to say you have only just begun on the road to doom!!!!!!
I thought the twos were bad wait till the 3s,4s,5s,6,7s,8s.
They get lippier, stroppier and stroppier.
I agree though consistency is the best policy. Brace yourself ther is plenty more to come.

TMD · 25/09/2008 10:16

Oh gosh I really was looking forward to him turning into a loving little boy who I could have lots fun and finally some conversation during the day with, Who was i kidding!!!!!!

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LunaFairy · 25/09/2008 13:03

My ds is very head stong and has been since he could walk and run! He is nearly 3 and big for his age - Im petite so I have a struggle at times too. He has got better with the tantrums and demands and I can reason with him far more now. He now understands the consequences or being naughty i.e. time out, favourite toy taken away. Sticker chart aren't yet used as he doesn't understand the concept just yet.

I do have to get out every day with him. We visit the park every morning so he can burn off some energy.

Your ds hasn't been at nursery for very long, so still needs time to settle. I'm sure he will become more managable and nursery will help him understand rules and behaviour.

I totally understand what you're going through!

TMD · 25/09/2008 15:54

Im so pleased there are other mums going through this too, but yet another disasterous attempt at nursery session (12.30 - 3pm) I take him for 1pm they said to leave him so I did at 1.20pm and told to come back for 2.30pm.
The whole time I wasn't there he cried and cried unconsolably! The moment I got to him he stopped and clung for life! i just don't know if i'm doing more harm than good really? The constant clingyness was sweet at first but is now starting to smother me (am i a bad mother for thinking that) oh god
Since we have arrived home he is playing happily with his thomas train set and watching rub a dubbers ??????????????? Please advise, what has worked for other mums? The nursery is great, love what they do, the key workers are extremely nice it's a nursery attached to the school I want C to go to and only in walking distance so Ideal, but my instincts are wobbling to take him out, but now we have started i don't want him to stop otherwise he will have won won't he???

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LunaFairy · 25/09/2008 17:33

Could you stay with ds for some sessions at nursery? It may help to settle him in -slowly but surely.

Is he tired in the afternoon when he attends? Maybe that could be a factor as well.

My ds would be too tired for an afternoon session at nursery. He starts in Jan and we've chosen a couple of morning sessions per week to start with.

TMD · 28/09/2008 09:58

Hi I requested morning sessions but they couldn't accommodate this. He usually has a nap half eleven til one ish so yes it does clash with nursery. Half of me thinks tho he's trying it on, as soon as i arrive to pick him up he stops straight away almost like he's go what he wants and as they have rang me from nursery he knows if he plays up enough I'll come back? I don't know It's hard work trying to figure out a childs mind!
x

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TMD · 29/09/2008 13:26

Well i'm breaking my heart, C was all geared up for nursery and was fine until we reached the school crossing then he started grabbing his tummy and uncontrollable shaking started got him across the road and C had huge panic attack started screaming no no and pointing home. I new then forcing him to nursery is doing him more harm than good! I carried him in still crying and spoke to the manager who agreed that no matter how they had tried since he started 4 th sept nothing they did passified him. Her opinion and mine was he was emotionally still quite young and should leave it a while. They are going to keep his place open for us but we have to pay but i'd rather that than loose it. I have never seen C like that before and at such a young age he should't have to be dealing with that. Thanks for everyone's advice.

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WheresTheAuPair · 29/09/2008 13:41

Oh hugs to you!! I went through something very similar with my DS who is 22 months. back in august I found a lovely nursery and wanted him to do 2 mornings so I could do some uninterrupted work and thought he would enjoy it...

How wrong could I be?! My little boy was inconsolable and the longest they would have him was 45 mins- and that was after the settling in sessions. everyone said keep at it but I gave up as I couldn't bear to see him so upset and he was clingy for ages afterwards. You know your own instincts so its probably for the best. Perhaps pre-school sessions may suit him better?

I have found what works for us is to take him out in the morning (to the park or to open spaces- I can't deal with him in shops other than the weekly shop whilst PG! far too much tantrum potential there) and let him have an afternoon sleep instead. Then we have quiet time in the afternoon with some TV (so shoot me then some drawing or time with his trains/toys. Its a bit mad when DH gets home but he has the energy to wrestle with him!!

My DS is really big for his age too -off the centile charts in height so if he has a tantrum I find it really hard to deal with as am 36 weeks PG!

Good luck and hugs!!

TMD · 29/09/2008 15:05

So i'm not alone!!! Thankyou!!!

I agree you know your own child better than any amount of advice and for what should have been a smooth transition into the big wide world C reaction wasn't a healthy one.

Good luck with your next bundle of joy, they say with experience behind you the second child is more chilled out as you know what your doing.......? I'm not at that stage to agree or disagree yet so keep me posted!!!

I feel so much better reading your post, thanks WherestheAupair x

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WheresTheAuPair · 29/09/2008 15:32

Glad to be of service TMD!

I had heaps of advice on how to deal with DS- both on here and in RL. Most people said to keep going with it (nursery) but I just couldn't- I've never seen him get in that kind of state before and for one so young it seemed so unnecessary IYKWIM.

What I did find really reassuring was my parents and sister (teachers in RL) said that at his age I shouldn't worry about nursery as he will learn just as much from me anyway. They say that some kids benefit from more time with mum and being at home-nursery does not suit all children- especially toddlers. And no- I wasn't damaging him by keeping him at home with me-he wasn't missing out! (one of my worries!)

I worry that we don't socialise enough but they all reassure me that he's fine from a developmental viewpoint and he will benefit more from being with me. Everyone wants to do the best for their child and go with your instincts.

I've learnt to avoid certain situations as he is more prone to meltdowns if I take him to classes like Tumbletots! (have tried that and was a disaster!) He's happiest when he's looking at animals at the farm, by the sea, park or generally playing outdoors. Indoor play (if i go in quiet times) does suit him too as its not structured and we can do as we like.

Its also hard as because he's so tall people assume he's older than 22 months and probably expect more from him. I've found that by taking him out in the morning, sleep at lunch and quiet time in afternoon works for us and he's much happier as a result. If I try and do something that means he has no sleep (which sadly rules out most toddler groups round here!!) then it is really hard work and tears for us both!! That's when he gets really angry and frustrated as i'm sure he gets irrational because of the tiredness and over stimulation.

When he was a baby, I was careful to plan my day around him to allow him sleep time as he was awful if he was tired. As a result he was generally a pleasure to have around (in the main!) Am hoping that no. 2 will fall in to a similar routine.

It is hard as most of my friends kids do go to childcare and I find myself justifying why I don't! Its silly tho as my work is genuinely work from home and I made some changes so that i'm no longer tied to my computer to do it-my thoughts are now that if I don't need it then why try!!

I have registered him for pre-school sessions so will see how that goes. The lady that runs them said that he could start at 2.6 or wait until he's 3. She was quite adamant that some toddlers aren't ready to start until they are older which was also refreshing to hear. The sessions are also much shorter than nursery and (again-from my parents!) are less likely to tire him out so he should enjoy them rather than stress him out.

Obviously nursery works for many people but something that my sister said to me stuck a chord- she used to work as a Reception class teacher and commented on how much longer a 'nursery day or session' was than a school one. Food for thought anyway!

Ehjoy your DS- they won't be wanting mummmeey forever!!

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