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Original poster

I'm losing the will to live...20m dd driving me INSANE...please, please help

34 replies

kitkat9 · 22/09/2008 20:47

I don't know what's happening to her. She has always been, shall we say, headstrong, which has it's problems but usually she's just a typical toddler. However, the last week has been a nightmare

She seems to have decided she hates het cot and screams blue murder every night when I try to get her to go to bed. This is after hardly any problems with her sleeping before. She's not the kind of kid you can leave to cry - I have tried this a few times and I am strong enough to cope with this (it worked with my older ds before) but she screams so hard she makes herself vomit. Then I end up having her downstairs again for at least a couple of hours until I can get her back to bed. Last night was a disaster, I'm not kidding when I say that she had no more than 5 hours sleep - she was still up at 2am.

She is having tantrums at least 4 times a day, and I have no idea what is setting her off - and my God she doesn't give up the meltdown until she's ready. I have tried every approach, form holding her (she won't let me) to totally ignoring her (makes no difference) to completely losing my marbles and shouting at her at the top of my voice. Unfortunately shocking her into submission seems to be the only thing that sometimes works. But I don't want to be a screeching mum. It makes me feel so and guilty.

She barely eats anything - I mean today she refused all breakfast (cereal, fruit, cereal bars offered) and only drinks a bit of milk. She's literally only had a few crackers all day. I am worried sick about her lack of eating, but nothing entices her. I offer various different snacks throughout the day and all are turned down.

My ds is 4.6 and he was never as hard as this. I'm not highly strung, just tired and worried. I'm also 26w pg. And at the end of my tether.

Any hints/tips/tricks any of you can offer will be so gratefully received.

BTW, I'm in the USA, no friends or family around to help me out.

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lizandlulu · 22/09/2008 21:01

keep repeating, 'it is just a phase, it is jst a phase'

phew sounds like you are having a hard time.

my dd was like this, maybe not so bad, but things got easier when she could talk better and tell me what she wanted, rather than me guessing what she wants and hher screaming when i got it wrong.

it is good that you are strong enough to cope with her crying

could you try putting her nito a bed? although this opens up a load of other problems like keeping them in it!

lizandlulu · 22/09/2008 21:05

also could you get a pet for her room? this was mentioned to me as a way of my dd liking her bed more, she went through a phase of not wating to go into her bedroom at all.

so i got a fish, easy to clean and simple to look after, now spot keeps her company and she seems to like it being in there, although keep the food out of your dd's reach

FiveGoMadInDorset · 22/09/2008 21:08

Oh you sound like me, yesterday my DD swung on the curtain rail onto the sofa, repeated the actino and broke the rail. Headstrong doesn't come into it, she is now 2.8 and is calming down. It is just a phase and she will get better.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 22/09/2008 21:08

And being able t talk has definitely helped.

Original poster
kitkat9 · 22/09/2008 21:19

yes, I do feel that part of it may be her frustration that she can't articulate herself - last night I yelled at her; 'What is WRONG? Now would be a good time to start talking!!!'

She says a few things but she's not an early talker by any means.

I know it's just a phase, oh PLEASE let this be a phase, and she really is my gorgeous, sweet, cuddly funny dd, I do adore her, but she is really pushing me to the limit just now. I'm scared to say anything to her in case she flips out.

I know she's possibly cutting a big tooth, and also her big toenail is in the process of falling off after an accident with the bathroom door a coupl,e of weeks ago - actually, thinking about it, that's when all this crap started - she has been in a lot of pain. I suppose I'll just have to dose her up on calpol at the moment.

OP posts:
FiveGoMadInDorset · 22/09/2008 21:22

I do feel for you, DD has only just got talking properly in the last 3 months. She was horrendous at the age you are talking about but now she is so much better, still a wild child but a more controllable wild child, and a loving wild child who kisses everyone goodnight including the dog to avoid going to bed

Original poster
kitkat9 · 22/09/2008 21:28

I know what you mean, she sometimes used to have wee phases of staying up a bit later but just playing quietly or wandering around being cute, and I never minded her being up when she's like that, but when she's having a 45 minute tantrum I could (and do) weep.

Any advice on the eating problem? I think she must be hungry when she goes to bed but I just am at my wit's end as to how to get food into her!

OP posts:
singyswife · 22/09/2008 21:32

If this is a fairly new thing (eating and sleeping) could it be that she has something. A mouth ulcer or new back teeth coming through, throat infection etc which is causing her distress and causing her to not be able to eat which is therefore making her upset at bedtimes etc,. Just a thought!!!!!!!

FiveGoMadInDorset · 22/09/2008 21:32

DD doesn't eat a huge amount at home, she does get a hot meal at nursery aswell as breakfast, we have found recently that she is eating better when she sits with us, but again at that age it was hit and miss, we made sure she had lots of what she liked (she loves fruit and peas) and never forced her, when she got hungry she ate, toast and cereal at any time of day was also good.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 22/09/2008 21:33

DH also made aher a little table to go with her chair so although bad she ate infront of a dvd, she doesn't do that now by choice.

Original poster
kitkat9 · 22/09/2008 22:04

she and ds do eat in front of the tv, but she's even refusing her high chair these days...sigh....

tbh atm I don't care WHERE she eats as long as she eats something!

OP posts:
mabanana · 22/09/2008 22:09

I think you are right - she's in pain with her teeth (and possibly sickening for something) hence the misery and not eating> This is a blip, not a personality change, and I bet things start to improve the minute you post this. That's what normally happens
Spot of calpol can work wonders - though actually I find baby nurofen more effective.

spudballoo · 22/09/2008 22:15

Oh God, if only you were in the UK and, say, Suffolk. We could shove my DS2 and your DD2 in a room together and let them shout it out

Seriously, DS2 is 19mths and is EXACTLY the same, apart from the eating (he's greedy, but DS1 was the same...ate like a bird).

He's terribly willful and has been from day 1. But the last 6 weeks or so have been appalling. Tantrums, screaming, whining ALL DAY LONG. Nights full of wakings, evenings horrendous....he ws up until 10.30 on Saturday. He's up right now actually (10.15). But previously he was great at going to bed.

It's teeth. He's continually in pain. In the day it's usually tolerable, ish, but when he's tired he can't cope with the pain and it's a nightmare. But when he has a dreadful night he's massively tired the next day, and then hidous behaviour ensues.

Its' been going on for so long now. I'm fed up! DS1 is a little angel by comparison

spudballoo · 22/09/2008 22:17

uh oh..he's off the sofa and is todding over..thankfully grobag slowing him down...

lovemyprincessandprince · 22/09/2008 22:22

Hi,

i have a 19 month little girl and she was just like that not eating or wanting to go to bed and then i got her a bed and now she wants to go to bed it was as if the cot was no scarin her i dont know why tho

as for the eating my little girl has all her teeth except her back ones and for a week she didnt want to eat any thing and i mean any thing we gave her so my father inlaw said she needs to eat something.. try her with some crisps as they have salt and other things in them and i said i dont want to give her crisps every day tho and he said would u rather her not eat at all and i said no corse not and he said praise her when shes eaten them and since then she hasnt stop eating any food i give her .. and also i started sittin on the sofa with her and when i was eating id give her the same so we could eat together and she hasnt stopped its just a stage they go thro kinda like when ur a teenager and you have you mardys and i dont like this and i dont like that kinda thing

hope i helped
take care

Original poster
kitkat9 · 22/09/2008 22:48

thanks for all the messages, it does help to know I'm not alone.

The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced it is that she's in pain, with both her toe and her teeth. My dh is in the UK at the mo so he's bringing back copius amounts of medised for her (or rather, for me!) to help her get to sleep for a few days at least. I gave her calpol this afternoon and she's been OK - not lovely, just alright,and has eaten a wee bit of the pasta I gave her for dinner... bathtime soon then another bedtime looms...am dreading it.

Just lay awake last night listening to her screaming, thinking about when dc3 comes along, thinking what the hell will I do of she's still doing this and he's up needing fed, how do you cope with 2 under 2 demanding your full attention? There'3 3 years between ds and dd, and ds is being fantastic just now, he seems to realise mummy's losing her mind and he'd better not play up.....

OP posts:
lovemyprincessandprince · 22/09/2008 22:58

Kitkat9 dont worry you really arent alone...funny thing is i have my little girl the one i just talked bout and i also have a little boy who is now 5 months old when i was pregnant with him my little girl wasnt eating ..going to sleep at night..she couldnt even walk and she was 15 months and the day before he was born and he came 2 weeks early... she started to walk it was if she new and she started going to sleep at night and started eating ... it was if she knew that her mummy needed a little bit of help and a rest .. and i tell you some thing im the most proudest mum in the world ...and as for demanding full attention its easy you invole them both even if ur little one is new born .. and what ever u do dont shut little one out.. invole her when feeding and changing ...if u need me im more than happy to help with what ever the qeustion..funny thing is im 18 years old and people think oh no a young mum around where i live i get funny looks of the older people and i just look at my kids and think Fck them im doing a brill job and i want to help other people

hope everything goes well with ur little arrival on the way

Original poster
kitkat9 · 22/09/2008 23:08

sounds like you're doing a good job! Don't think age is relevant, I'm twice your age and look at me, I'm totally struggling!

thanks for your help x

OP posts:
lizandlulu · 23/09/2008 09:19

age is definately not relavent!!

kitkat, i hope today is a better day for you, my dd wont even take calpol or any kind of medicine, as soon a it comes out of the cupboard she runs a mile

Jennyusedtobepink · 23/09/2008 09:24

KitKat - same here. I think it's my dd's canines. She is also doing the screaming blue murder bit before bed. She's 16mo.

Oh, the joy!

TheHedgeWitch · 23/09/2008 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Jennyusedtobepink · 23/09/2008 11:14

here

Here's the thread I started on Sunday, if it makes you feel better in a 'misery loves company' way.

TMD · 23/09/2008 11:28

I just posted a similar message my C is two half next month and boy is he putting us through the mill! He's always been bit of a free spirit and non conformist but lately horrific tantrums biting kicking scratching hitting, head butting like a rhino if we ignore him! I have had tough 8 months with him pushing and pushing me to limits ended up ill because of it, but thanks to help from heath visitor and doc i am back on track and determined not to let this two year old rule the roost!!! So I sympathise totally, These things are sent to try us and makes us stronger, but at the time I know I doubt myself!! Keep smiling it's great to let off steam with others who are going through it too.

Original poster
kitkat9 · 23/09/2008 13:40

am five hours behind so have just seen the new messages...

had a good night last night, bizarrely - but this is probably die to the medicine I gave her - I put it in her milk as she often runs when she sees the bottle coming out! Anyway, she slept like a log (doped up, no doubt ) and seems happier this morning. Well, by that I mean no grumpier than usual. I also set up her cot mobile last night - it's one of those battery powered ones with fish turning round, music playing and lights reflecting on the ceiling which she seemed to enjoy...she's quite into fish so it was a good way to get her upstairs last night!

It has been incredibly difficult over the past wee while and I've been reduced to tears on many occasions, and even remarked to dh yesterday that I wished I'd never started this whole child-having business, I just wanted my old, self-centered, care-free life back....what I would give for a huuuuuge glass of wine these days....

thanks again for all your suggestions!

OP posts:
Jennyusedtobepink · 23/09/2008 13:53

What I would give for a nice, hot, un-interrupted bubble bath. Maybe with the huuuuge glass of wine.