Obnoxious, horrible child, what do I do

[Chiccadum]

I know it's a horrible title, but pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaasssssssssssseeeeeee, someone else tell me that their child is sometimes obnoxious, cheeky and horrible. Dd1 is always very loud and energetic but when it comes to dinner and tea she generally eats very well (when dh is at work)but, as soon as dh is at home she changes overnight. I have just had to fight with her to stop her smearing tomato ketchup all over and gouging her fork into the table. When I said stop it and eat your tea she just turned and said 'I'm doing it cos i want to so what difference does it make to you', it doesn't help that dh seems to be able to turn a blind eye to all this behaviour and just says it's a typical kid.

Can someone give me some advice before i flip, I'm very stressed as dd2 is cutting 3 teeth at the same time and very grumpy (dh won't even attempt to sooth her), so as you can imagine I am at the end of my tether

Hi, it's horrible having someone hitting and kicking out when you're such a reasonable person ! I agree very much with WWW but would like to add that we tried the Hitting the Pillow approach where I said it's not on to hit/kick Mum, BUT you may hit/kick this cushion and shout at it as much as you like. It does work sometimes. Good luck.And as I'm always saying, 'it's just a phase. It's just a phase'

Thanks for all your replies.
www - I'm still considering the behaviour book approach - I think it might work well with dd1, as she likes to think of herself as "good", and would probably be horrified with the thought that other people might find out that she has her moments! But I also like the star chart for times of the day and will probably try this first. Could have done with it this morning, as it was a nightmare - it's school photo day, and I promised I'd do her hair. Of course, I did it "wrong", and we ended up having another screaming match - I was feeling under pressure because I had to get to work, and she was feeling under pressure because her hair wasn't "right". (I think I need to learn to chill a bit about the rigid timetables I arrange in my head). Anyway, I digress, the star chart linked to time factors I like. I would be interested in more details on the book you mentioned - it could maybe be the starting point foe a much needed chat about the subject.
mmm, I think the hitting the pillow idea is good, but by the time I think of suggesting it, she's in the middle of a paddy, and won't listen. I need to be more prepared.
And thanks to everyone for the sympathy - definately needed over the last couple of days.
My big fear is that it's only going to get harder as she gets older - we really are too alike.

Chiccadum haven't got time to read all the messages but empathise with you a lot!! I find the cold water tip i found on mumsnet has helped me a real lot!! I've introduced it to my kids (12 7 and 3 years) and have found it works with all of them.
The lifesaver of a lady said that when offending tantrum/behviour happens take child outside and empty jug of cold water on them followed by hot towel and lots of "I love you but don't like your behaiour" type stuff. REpeat next time and by the third time you will only have to say cold water!! my kids now laugh and run and do as they are told if the jug comes out!!! but you must do it if you say you are going to.
Sorry to ramble but its been a life saver for us. - hope it works for you and thanks to the mumsnetter who first posted it !!!!! can't find who you are but thanks sure you have helped lots of us.

emsiewill - sorry just noticed you have revibed the thread - well sure the cold water will help with you too. it even works with my dogs!!! lol

I went through the tantrums with DS2 about 2 years ago when he was 6. I couldn't send him to his room when things didn't go "his way" because he would threaten to jump out the window, he has no fears at all, he would throw things at me, ds1 and the dogs. I found, because really he worships the ground i walk on, that if i pretended that what he said really hurt me and upset my by bursting out crying and running off to the kitchen to have a good bawl he would suddenly stop thinking of himself and try to make things better for me, then we would sit and have a cuddle and have that time to talk through what got him in to a rage in the first place. the majority of the time this works, a while ago both sons were fighting, not just words but punching each other, biting and throwing things and I just walked in the room burst into tears and said "that's it if you 2 can't at least be nice to each other then i don't want to live here anymore and I'm running away" I went and sat outside the back gate and had a cigarette to calm my self down, walked back in and I had 2 angels for the rest of the week.

Bron, funnily enough she isn't a redhead - dd2 is, and has no real temper on her!
dawniy - have heard of the cold water thing, but never considered it with dd - don't really know why, but it may be something that I try soon - she stamped on dd2's head today, 'cos she was annoying her (on purpose I'm sure - dd2 loves to get dd1 into trouble). We're off to a friends tomorrow for her dds 1st birthday - I'm praying that they'll behave, as there's lots of old friends going to be there and it would be nice if they could behave like the angels they frequently can be, rather than the devils that they keep inside!