Is it likely the ds age 5 is being really difficult because all his school friends live in massive houses and we don't??

[Jazzicatz]

This is basically what mil said today and I am fuming. Ds is at private school and we are just about managing to scrape together the fees - many of his friends are wealthy but he doesn't really visit their houses much anyway. Our house is shabby and needs work doing to it and eventually we will get round to it but at the moment our main focus is getting through the next 6-12 months finacially (when I will get a full-time job). Ds has been a little sod but I put it down to returning back to school he also has a stinking cold - mil however, is convinced its because we live in a smallish shabby house and ds is feeling it. FGS he is only 5 and more bothered about what toys the other boys have. Am I being stupid here, could it be bothering him, we have spoken about things and the size of others houses has never come up as a problem. What can I say to mil to shut her up??

If she feels that bloody strongly get her to buy you a mansion. If you cannot afford a big house you cannot afford one it is a simple as that. If your DC is happy and being well educated you are doing a brilliant job. Ignore her.

Nappies you have hit the nail on the head. I know my DS loves being at home just because it is home.

exactly Jazz. It is because SHE felt like that when SHE was at school

projection, pure and simple

tell her that just because she was a snobbish little prig from an early age, it doesn't mean your ds is. You can also point out that boys are much more impressed by eg how much lego someone has, or whether they have really big sticks in their garden to play with, than the size of their house

one of my dds friends houses was VERY popular in October because it had a big conker tree next door which dropped excellent conkers into their (very small) garden

I get that. I love conkers.

When I was a child I lived in a smallish house with my mum and dad and sister, had friends with a massive house down the road and a best-friend whose mother was single and lived in a small city flat.

Was I aware of the social differences at 5? Absolutely not. I started to notice at around 8. Maybe I was a bit slow - and this was not in the UK, so perhaps these "class" issues were less pronounced generally. Still 5 is very young to feel house envy, I think. Sounds like it matters to you MIL, though... is she acting up?

Don't get me stated - this is another one of MIL's bitchy comments. There are too many to mention. This one is really hurtful though because it involves my ds!

Why ARE you sending him privately btw?

Bit it is inly what she thinks surely. Unless your DS has actually stated that he is envious of his friends or embarrassed about his home, then don't worry. She is putting words in his mouth. Why don't you have a little chat to your DS about it and see if you can get anything out of him. He will probably tell you he loves where he lives because you are there!

Ds has never mentioned it - the only thing he discusses is the amount of toys they have or don't have. He has said he loves his house and thats good enough for me. I did not send him to the school he is at because of wanting to live in a big house, its because its a good school and I want ds to enjoy his time at school.

my friend had a gorgeous house. all posh tables and leather sofas and turkish rugs. a gorgeous garden that you were hardly ever allowed in in case you trampled the plants and a living room that was just for show

my dad was a builder so our tiny ex council house was always half built/half redecorated. my dad would knock walls down on a whim and then take months to sort them out.

guess where me and my friends usually hung out?

my house was the scruffiest of all of my friends. but my friends were always made to feel welcome and it didnt matter if they spilt their drink or dropped their ice lolly or ate in the living room.

im moving house soon and i am ridiculously proud of my new house and how swanky it looks i cant ever imagine myself letting it get scruffy but my dds friends will be made to feel welcome and if they spill a drink meh! it'll clean

so long as you make your house a home your ds wont care how big or posh it is.

Had bid discussion with dp last night and he has agreed to me not seeing mil as much so to limit the bollocks constructive criticism she says!!!