How do I teach 4yr old to play by himself

[justgotbfp]

Obviously I am pg, I have severe hyperemisis and have been in and out of hospital. It seems (last 2 days) to be somewhat in control now but still nauseous and exhausted. My 4 year old has always had trouble separating from me and even more trouble entertaining himself. We have borrowed a t.v. at the moment which he thinks is bliss and gives me some down time (won't be keeping it though) so I need strategies to teach d.s. to play on his own a little (a.) for times when I am just too sick and (b.) in preparation for when lo2 comes. At the moment we do playgroup together 2 mornings a week (I stay with him), he goes to cm 2 days a week (6 hours, I was working but on sick leave at the moment) and we have Wed and every second weekend on our own. Alternate weekends dh is home. I spend a lot of one on one time with him reading, building, playing games such as snakes and ladders etc, play dough, craft, park, and other outings. We also go to playdates but again I stay or he wouldn't go.
I give him a time frame e.g "After this mummy is to have a rest and then I will play with you again" When the time comes I give him some ideas, "DS you could play with magnetics or read, mummy is going to have a rest" He just doesn't play though, he will throw the magnetics everywhere, go and pull the clothes off the hanger, go and unroll the toilet paper etc. I try to ignore and when it is time to play with him again tell him he needs to tidy up whatever he has destroyed. He will whine and shout and carry on and muck about and complain that he needs help etc which I ignore. This can last hours of him whining etc until he finally does it and then I will play with him for a bit until it is time to do something else at which point he kicks off again. There is no end to this!!!! I try to start him off playing with him and gradually withdrawing etc but the same thing happens. Not handling this well at the moment. When not sick I am much more able to distance myself from it and to cope with thee tantrums and whining, right now it is exhausting and disheartening.

justgot, I don't DO soppy on MN but to me you sound like an absolutely FANTASTIC mother, your ds clearly has a lovely life.

His ability or not to play alone is in-built IMO and IME.

I did improvise with hide and seek today where ds would go and hide and I would send the dog to go and find him which he enjoyed quite a bit but it did require quite a lot of input of Maggie sit, stay...good girl Maggie find ds from me and while it doesn't sound like much it was more than I really felt up to but still we got through another day.

Much sympathy and if there is a good solution I will try it! My 3 yr-old has to come with me everywhere - to the loo, kitchen, etc, holding my hand. She will not play on her own. She will do colouring for ages - but I have to do it with her. If she didn't go to a CM some days I think I'd go mad.

The only success I have had is to make an absolute routine of certain times I do things without her. Every morning there is a routine where I get showered etc and she either plays in her room or watches TV. Perhaps have a routine of set times every day that you lie down or do stuff - have the same 5 min lead in and warning every time.

I suspect that when no 2 arrives some independence will come about automatically, even if it is a bit stormy for a while. That's what I have observed with others. And eventually they might play together

Acinonyx thank you......I don't have set times at the moment because a wave of vomitting will hit without warning and I have to lie down after or I will fall down but I do try to say I will play this until xyz time or until I feel sick and then mummy will need a rest and I follow through. (prior to being pregnant it was much more routined but I don't think it really helped. He will be 4.7 when lo2 arrives so hopefully close to an age where he can manage a bit on his own...am a bit worried though as they start school at 5 here and will not be very adjusted to no longer being an only child but have to be away from me 5 days a week..scared he will blame the baby. Another reason to try to practice some independence slowly but surely now so he doesn't associate it with the babies arrival but it just becomes part of his daily life iykwim

hmm you have a dog? is this not the answer? my ds is quite a lot younger but both he and my 4yo niece will spend quite a long time occupied playing with our dog. will your dog fetch a ball thrown by ds? run around the garden chasing/being chased? is it long suffering enough to be persuaded to jump over things or built an assault course (bit of adult help needed to set it up but they can then be left to it?)
and i know this is going to sound really stupid but can your dog play football? ours is quite good at it - has learnt to knock the ball around with his paws rather than his nose and to give it up to ds every now and then in a vague semblance of turns - ok he'll never play for england but it's enough to keep ds happy. am hoping that as he gets older i can teach the dog to go in goal, then i can have many sunny afternoons on the sun lounger with a gin and tonic......