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Original poster

Advice needed about ds please.

52 replies

mommy6 · 18/09/2008 17:33

Ds went to Speech and Language Therapy for 8 weeks through the summer.He had 16 sessions,2 days aweek,for an hour each day.
Ds seemed to get more upset each time i took him.
This week he has started nursery,he has only been tuesday and today so far.Today he cried off and on all the time he was there.Ds doesn't talk much and i'm really worried about him at nursery.

Just to give you abit of info on Ds(sorry trying to do 10 things at once).
Ds is 3.2 and doesn't really talk much or interact with others.He can say afew words and sentences which he will then keep saying.One of them being "Where's mummy,i want mummy".Which he has spent all morning saying while at nursery.The nursery is part of the primary school which he will start next september.(he seems to young).
He is a happy little boy but i think he feel alone at nursery,he doesn't know anybody.And not talking much isn't helping.
Please somebody give me some advice.I feel so sorry for him
I have posted this in chat too,because i'm so worried.I have got this feeling if he doesn't settle soon the nursery will ask me not to take him.Not sure if they can do that or not.

OP posts:
DesperateTooDyson · 22/09/2008 10:15

Well it's good that he was happy walking there.

I had some mornings with my ds (nearly 7yrs) when he would cry all the way to school. I know from experience with him that it was better to drop him off and go straight away as he settled much better and cried for a shorter time. If I stayed, the anticipation of me going upset him and he was then upset for longer iykwim.

If he was really unhappy, I'm sure they would call you.

Original poster
mommy6 · 22/09/2008 16:12

The teacher said he had been 50/50.He had played outside but had got upset at times.
I hope it can only get better.

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Original poster
mommy6 · 23/09/2008 09:15

OMG i have just left ds crying worse than ever.How bad do i feel.

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DesperateHousewifeToo · 23/09/2008 10:00

I'm so sorry. Poor little chap.

Do you think it is leaving you or being at nursery that is upsetting him?

Could you try with someone else taking him?

DesperateHousewifeToo · 23/09/2008 10:01

ps. BTW I've changed back to my original name!

Original poster
mommy6 · 23/09/2008 10:17

DHT thanks for all the support.
I really don't know what would be better atm.All i know is ds really needs this to help with his speech delay.
I was talking to a friend on the way home and relised,ds is much better with older children.He will happily play with friends that live next door.With have what the lo's call open gates where they all play together in both gardens.(5 lo's with ds being the youngest)But when other friends visit with their two,he is fine with their ds 7yrs but dd 1yrs he just doesn't know what to do.
I think he needs to go into year one at school.lol

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DesperateHousewifeToo · 23/09/2008 10:38

Both of my dcs prefer playing with older ones. There are always fewer arguments than when they play with their own contempories too!

dd(3.5yrs) is my younger one and pretty much ignores other younger children . I think she likes to think she is older

I'm sure as your ds learns the structure of the morning he will begin to feel more confident. It will take him a little while to realise they do the same things each day.

lingle · 23/09/2008 11:16

Mommy6, I know you've done speech therapy already but have you got the Hanen book "It takes two to talk?". I've never heard any mumsnetter NOT recommend it to mums with boys like ours.

Mommy6, I confess that after much thought I have reached pretty firm views on school starting age, but please remember that he does NOT have to go to school until he is 5.

I think that we focus too much on where our kids go to school. In other countries, the parents spend as much or more time considering when they go to school.

Keep your eyes peeled and google at the ready - Sir Jim Rose is due to report back to the government on "increasing flexibility" for primary school starting age this spring. You may get more options than you are being told you have. The educational tide is turning in favour of our late talkers - but we have to speak up IMO.

stealthsquiggle · 23/09/2008 11:30

Mommy6 I appreciate that your situation is more complicated, but to give you another perspective, your sentence "Well ds was fine all morning,walking to nursery and waiting to go in.Then cried as soon as i tried to leave him." could describe my DD (23mths) to a tee. She goes to nursery 4 days/week, is happy as anything there, and is the direct opposite of your DS in terms of speech (i.e. she never shuts up ). However, she always cries when we leave ATM and has done since she left the baby room. The nursery is not soundproof in the least and I have hovered outside (out of sight) - I know she stops in

Original poster
mommy6 · 23/09/2008 14:24

While i was waiting for ds to come out of nursery,another mom was talking to me.She said her friend who helps in nursery had told her my ds cried all morning yesterday.(just what i needed to hear)So i think the teacher told me he had been 50/50 yesterday to make me feel better.This upset me and i think if i had been on my own i would have cried.
Then when ds came out(the first time without teacher holding him)he was all smiles.He said he had had a good time.I'm hoping it's a turning point,but i know he might cry again tomorrow.But deff better than yesterday.
Ingle i haven't got the Hanen book "It takes two to talk?". I'll have a look for it now.Thanks

OP posts:
lingle · 23/09/2008 14:51

"It takes two" is expensive but well worth it. It takes all the stress out of helping with speech.

DesperateHousewifeToo · 23/09/2008 14:53

Sounds positive - the coming out smiling bit, not the crying all morning bit (not sure I'd say that to another mum as I know it would upset me to be told that).

Hanen is popular. Haven't seen the book as wasn't my specialist area. Definitely worth a look I would think.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow

Original poster
mommy6 · 24/09/2008 09:22

Ds has cried all the way to nursery this morning.He has gone in crying and shouting mom.I really really don't know what to do.
I hope he comes out happy,that gives me strength to keep going.
And the support from MN.

OP posts:
lingle · 24/09/2008 10:40

so sorry. prepare a little treat for him for when he comes out?

HonoriaGlossop · 24/09/2008 11:04

OK so they only have one intake at this school. But there are other pre-schools. You could try him again in January, or in April.

I just think if he's so distressed what's the point.

You cannot know for sure that he NEEDS the nursery environment to help his speech develop, it seems to me. That's half the reason parenting is so hard of course - you can't know the outcome so you have to guess.

One thing is certain to me though and that's that a 3 yr old boy needs not to be distressed and pressured.

What I would be doing right now if this was my DS is asking for a meeting with the head of nursery and the SLT and asking for some urgent advice on their views on whether this is worth it for your DS.

HonoriaGlossop · 24/09/2008 11:43

The 'one intake' thing is about funding, pure and simple. Don't let this bully you into feeling that your ds must fit the mould. That's not a good system. The system needs to meet HIS needs, not the other way around.

TotalChaos · 24/09/2008 11:46

agree with Honoria about speaking to nursery head and SLT asap. In particular I would focus on how far any problems in comprehension might be a source of distress (as that can to a degree by overcome by very simple consistent language and visual cues).

Original poster
mommy6 · 24/09/2008 12:07

OMG i feel like i'm on a rollercaster.
I have just picked ds up and he was crying,because he wanted to stay.The staff said he was fine after a few mins this morning and had played all morning.
HG this nursery is part of the local council run nursery.All the council schools and nurseries in the area are september in take only.The only other option would be a private nursery jan-sept when he would start full time primary school.I don't really want to do that if i can help it.

OP posts:
DesperateHousewifeToo · 24/09/2008 16:22

What a worrying morning for you without knowing that he had actually been fine.

Totalchaos speaks sense (as always!) regarding asking about his comprehension.

Hopefully, he'll continue to settle quickley. Could you loiter outside (out of sight) to hear that he has settled to set your mind at rest?

Have been thinking of you every morning. Fongers crossed for tomorrow.

Original poster
mommy6 · 24/09/2008 22:21

DHW thanks for the support again and everybody else too.I know it would be easier to just take ds out of nursery but i hope that it will help him once he has settled.If it started to upset him at home or any time out of nursery,then i would take him out.At the moment he is fine at home,its not upsetting him when he goes to bed or any other time.Its just leaving him which is upsetting him.When i asked him if he had had a good time today he said yes for the first time.He also told his sister that he had played with the boys.(i think he just watched but its a step forwards)
Hopefully he will have a good time tomorrow.

OP posts:
Original poster
mommy6 · 24/09/2008 22:25

TC thanks for the advice.I have a meeting booked with the nursery staff friday.So far they have been great with him.

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Original poster
mommy6 · 24/09/2008 22:25

TC thanks for the advice.I have a meeting booked with the nursery staff friday.So far they have been great with him.

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DesperateHousewifeToo · 26/09/2008 21:26

How did the meeting go today?

Original poster
mommy6 · 27/09/2008 14:13

DHT thanks for asking you have been a great support and offered me lots of advice.
The meeting went well.The nursery teacher thinks ds will settle down.She said he only cries for a short time when i first leave him.He does get upset some times if asked to do something like"come and sit down for story time" but she thinks thats because he feels everybody is watching him.Which is why he cries at home time because the children are all sat waiting to be called,then he has to get up on his own and walk through them all.He has started to talk to the teachers,which isn't always very clear so he will be getting extra help.
So i know he has problems but i think he will get the help he needs while there.And of course i will be helping him has much as i can at home.I'm feeling much better about it all.

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DesperateHousewifeToo · 27/09/2008 19:36

That sounds really positive.

I'm sure he'll gain in confidence as he gets to know the routine further ad then he'll feel less self concious.

Having a teacher who is also an slt should also make a big difference to the help he will get there too.

Fingers crossed he'll have a good week next week too.