DS is misbehaving at school - how can we handle this please?

[mm22bys]

Hi,

DS is 4, and he goes to Reception. He is doing well there academically, but the last two days when I have picked him up the teachers have told me he is misbehaving.

She told me that she doesn't think his behaviour is malicious, but more to see how far he can go. For instance he pushed a child so hard today she almost fell over, and as children were going to the playground he tried to trip another boy over. He got time out, and missed 15 minutes.

He did similar things yesterday.

The teacher yesterday asked me to talk to him, which I did, and when DH came home we made a list of rules for him to follow, eg do what mum and dad say, no hurting, etc, etc etc. If he has a ""good" day he will get a smilie face (four and he gets a "present") and if he breaks a rule he gets time out (four minutes)

I really hoped things today would have improved, but they didn't.

How can we improve our parenting so that his behaviour improves?

Thanks,

I agree that he is very young. From what I can gather and have read, many boys in particular struggle to behave in school at first. I doubt it is anything to do with your parenting. Some people think it's because the way that schools are organised suits girls more. Some boys at 4 are just not emotionally very mature (mine included!!) and are likely to act silly when they're uncertain about things. Others find the sitting still and listening bit hard - not because there's anything wrong with them, just because they're young.
I'd agree with masala... to go quite gently with him. Maybe talking about school rules and why they have them, finding out what he finds most difficult (lining up, play time etc.) and seeing if you can suggest help in any way.
I hate to think of little ones struggling and getting labelled as 'misbehaving' so early on. I think lots of love at home, as masala said, is important.

totally agree with masa and jollydo.

He's so painfully young and he's in a system which is not boy-friendly in terms of it being regarded as 'good' to be able to sit down, sit still, share a room with 30 other kids etc. He just needs a bit of time to settle in to the whole thing of what's expected at school. If the teacher thinks it's boundary testing then she needs to consistently apply her consequences at school and he will learn.

At home IMO he needs a clean slate, a fresh start, and freedom from anything to do with school. If you want to do a smiley face thing when he is good, that's probably worth doing but don't tie it in with punitive time out etc. Just accentuate the positive for now IMO! And let the teacher deal with him at school. Don't allow her to pressure you to bring it home.

Yes, it is good you had a word with him and made you aware but the teacher needs to develop some strategies for the classroom. Lots of positive reinforcement at home. Sticker charts for home stuff is good too.

Thanks for your suggestions. He went to pre-school there last year, full-time, so I would have thought he was used to it.

I drove past the school this afternoon and saw him being led to the playground, so was hoping that he'd had a good day. Needless to say when I picked him up I'd been told that he'd been copying other bad behaviour, and he also repeatedly flicked a laminate card in a girl's face.

He is lovely at home, most of the time!

He apparently is well-behaved when he has one-on-one with the teacher, but plays up in a group. I am wondering if maybe he cannot hear the teacher when he's not in one-on-one, and maybe he is bored.

I am taking him to the dr tomorrow to see if they think there is anything physically wrong. Maybe he is simply tired too, today's playing up happened at ten past three.

Thanks

I do think it might be better to give more immediate rewards rather than having to wait to get four for a present. My son would get a small treat for good behaviour every day if he had been misbehaving. I know it sounds indulgant but it works. I don't mean he gets a treat every day just when he stops misbehaving he gets one straight away.

I agree susia.

Take a small treat with you when you pick him up from school. If his teacher tells you he has been good he gets it straight away. If not show him it but put it in your pocket and tell himit's for another day. Make sure he knows you are disappointed or sad (not cross)

I agree susia.

Take a small treat with you when you pick him up from school. If his teacher tells you he has been good he gets it straight away. If not show him it but put it in your pocket and tell himit's for another day. Make sure he knows you are disappointed or sad (not cross)

OOps!

We were going to make cupcakes when he got home yesterday, but didn't.

I like the idea of more immediate rewards / discipline, I am not sure how effective me telling him not to push, shove, kick, etc is, when he's been at school all day and is probably tired, hungry, etc. He does actually KNOW the rules, he tells them to me all the time!

I will try the idea of more immediate rewards.

Thx

my son started this year (year 1) being really badly behaved. As we were getting a new kitten anyway, I said I'd pick him up when his teacher said he'd been good all day. The first day he way, I picked up the kitten and he's been well behaved since.