Another 5 year old boy causing chaos! - Help / reassurance sought!

[marge2]

What is going on here? DS1 who has just turned 5 has been getting worse and worse over the last 6 months or so . Up to the middle of Reception he was LOVELY. His behaviour has turned foul and it is ruining home life for the whole family.
DS2 is only 21 months younger and DS1 seems to be jeallous of him. DS2 very cuddly, easy going, sweet natured, sunny - an absolute joy to have around. ( I can hardly discourage this to please DS1)

DS1 used to be like this. Now he seeme full of rage and takes every opportunity to hit, kick, thump, tease, scare DS2. Only ever whinges instead of asking normally for something. Is unbelievably unco-operative at mealtimes, getting ready for bed etc. I am being forced to feed him and get him dressed again even though he is perfectly capable of doing it by himself. All I ever seem to hear is 'No - I won't' if I ask him to do something. Throws huge tantrums if somethig goes wrong - like going over the line or smudging when colouring in. Basically we are all walking on egg shells around him and spend the whole time managing his behaviour/moods / protecting DS2 from another attack. We have stopped taking him out anywhere at weekends 'cos it's just so embarrasing to have him act like this in public. DH and I try to do things with him just by himself so he has plenty of attention but as soon as this stops he is unbearable again.

Have tried naughty step, being sent to room, smacks, talking, star charts - the bloody works. How long are you meant to give it before you decide that a particular method of discipline just doesn't work for that child. Dh and I are very consistent in the way we handle him but we both seem to end up spening half the time shouting at him at the moment, and I am finding it impossible to get anything done around the house as every time I leave the room DS1 wacks DS2.

DS1 just gone into year 1. I have only ever had nice compliments from teachers about his behaviour and progress, although he doesn't seem to mix or socialise very well with the other kids - prefers to play by himself. He just seems to be a very unhappy boy at the moment.

I've been chatting to a couple of other Mums of boys in the playground and have heard that there is a testosterone surge at about 4/5. Is this right? Could this really be causing all this upset? If so how long does it last ..or is this it forever???

Oh my word are you sure its not my ds you have living there ? My ds is exactly the same even down to the wacking his sister. I am glad you have posted this as my ds is 4.3 years.

My 5 year old (also yr 1) is full of shouting and arguing and silly noises - no hitting, but plenty of tears and wailing ("Ohh my dinner is too hot ohhh wahhhhhhhhhhhh!")

Have you tried 'acknowledging his feelings' as recommended in 'how to talk so kids will listen'?
DS is 5 and still has tantrums/doesn't want to do many things a lot of the time. Sometimes just talking about why he doesn't want to do it or why a particular incident made him cross is all he needs.

Grrr to the silly noises. We frequently have interchanges like this:

Me: Would you like jam or peanut butter on your toast?
DS: silly noise
Me: Jam or peanut butter?
DS: silly noise
Me (loudly): DS! jam or peanut butter?
DS: silly noise
Me: Ok here's your toast with peanut butter
DS (wailing): but I wanted jaaaaaaaam!

I find that sanctions (I don't do smacking or time-outs) like no television, shouting etc, just leads to a downward spiral with DS1, who is nearly 6. He just gets angrier.

I find it helps to turn things around into a game or a joke. Also if I forget to give them an after-school snack and drink, my two boys (DS2 is nearly 4) start fighting before dinnertime.

If DS1 is being rude to me, I might say, 'do you know what I've got in my hand? It's worms and mud and I'm going to rub it in your hair.' This makes him laugh and changes the atmosphere. He then talks about throwing muck and snot at me etc.

It might be worth a try. Boys of this age have a funny sense of humour and I think they resent being punished.

Thanks - will try to get him to talk about his negative feelings more.

The other day he came home from school and went BERSERRK about a picture he had left there and wanted. After probing it turned out he was upset about having been told off at school by his new teacher. It's so rare he must have really taken it to heart.

He was much happier after having got it off his chest.