toddler pushing boundaries at bedtime, or more?

[Woollymummy]

My DD is 2 1/4, DS is 4 months, so I guess some of this new behaviour is related to lack of mummy at crucial times of the day, but I am worried that DD is now manipulating us both to end up doing her bedtime. When DP is here, he puts her to bed, and usually gives her a bath too. All is well until after stories, teeth, song etc and then she starts kicking up a fuss, crying kicking, shouting and moaning. He gets stressed with her, understandably, she wont respond to anything he asks. I then come up because I don't want it to get out of hand, dont want DS to wake up, DD to hurt herself etc, and eventually manage to calm her down (admittedly by giving her the option of sleeping in the dark, which she hates, or not). Have I made a big trap for myself, how do I stop her always doing the same thing? Should I get DP to do what I do, or is that being bossy? Any advice? He is about to go away for 2 and a half weeks, so the whole problem will be theoretical, but Iwonder whether she is playing us off against each other, and what to do.

Can't you just go up to say good night just before the fuss starts? That way dp doesn't feel undermined, you don't feel manipulated and with a bit of luck you stop the fuss before it starts and have a more peaceful time. If she thinks that she's not getting you at bed time because you're occupied with her brother then she's bound to have a bit of a strop.

Does she get a bit of time when she has your undivided attention?

Can't you just go up to say good night just before the fuss starts? That way dp doesn't feel undermined, you don't feel manipulated and with a bit of luck you stop the fuss before it starts and have a more peaceful time. If she thinks that she's not getting you at bed time because you're occupied with her brother then she's bound to have a bit of a strop.

Does she get a bit of time when she has your undivided attention?

I always say goodnight just before I go and put DS to bed, and tell her I will come and say goodnight again when she is ready for bed, then she always gets to call me when she is ready, we always have a big hug and kiss and sometimes a story as well, but at that point no matter what happens, she plays up for DP and I end up having to go in and sort it out. She didn't fuss tonight but climbed out of her cot and when I went in to kiss her she was huddled on the sofa, trying to snuggle down there. We do get good time during the day together as DS is very accomodating and can amuse himself for ages with his dangly toys and rolling over.