struggling parents

[nikkim]

I know there have been quite a few messages lately, from myself included, about how we find our children's behaviour draining or difficult to deal with.

Just been flicking on the telly (on a housweork break and there is a mother on this morning a bit later talking about how she found her child's behaviour so difficult to deal with she felt driven to bang him against a wall - don't think she did though - just felt like it - a feeling I know!

I always find it such a relief when people break the taboo and admit to these feelings

It is on at twelve, called rather provactively "I hit my Baby"

Oh crikey! - never done that and never will. Just felt sorely tempted from time to time

I remember a mid-wife at my parent-craft classes saying 'its perfectly normal to think if I bang the baby off the wall it'll stop crying, what's not perfectly normal is to do it'. She said most people don't admit to ever feeling like that for fear baby will get taken off them or family/friends think they're a bad parent or whatever but that nearly everyone has these thoughts at one time or another. At the time it seemed pretty shocking but it made me feel better on the days where I was at the end of my tether. If more people admitted to thinking like that sometimes it'd make others feel less apprehensive about speaking up & asking for help.

I never felt like banging them against the wall. Got pretty close to the open window sometimes though!

When I was pregnant I was stunned to read something similar to this in a Miriam Stoppard article. However, since having my DDs (now 4) I can completely understand where she is coming from

not about baby but i admit to having been really (and im not joking), tempted to bang my own head against the wall!

I had my first "feeling" ever like that the other day. Dd is 2.

But do you find it is caused by your current mood and not that the child has done anything drastically bad?

I felt like it after dd splashed enormous amounts of water out of her bath, despite my attempts to stop her (couldn't take her out the bath cos she still had shampoo in her hair) She kept laughing at me everytime i told her not to or held her hands still. By the end the floor (tiled floor) was like a swimming pool.

After drying her i put her in her bedroom and shut myself in mine with my hair dryer on cos hearing her cries was making me feel guilty, but i felt too angry to go and see to her. (this only lasted a couple of mins btw before anyone calls social services!)

All the time i was fuming, i was aware that it wasn't that serious a matter, only a bit of water, but i just felt sooo angry! She has done far worse before and i havn't felt like that.