Why is my ds the only one behaving this way??!

[mum2boy]

Hi everyone.. I've had a horrible morning with ds (2.7) and would appreciate some input.
He's generally loving, happy and non-aggressive, but stop him from doing something that he wants to do and we have a major problem on our hands. I notice that he's not always like this, it depends on how important something is to him and whether or not he's tired at the time. Lately he's taken to throwing himself on the floor and having a good whine/scream if he doesn't get what he wants. Anyway this morning I took him to a gym class for 2-4 yr olds, basically the kids run around and climb on things and then they have a session of playing with coloured balls etc. Well ds was fine until the woman in charge told all the kids to put their balls away - he didn't want to part with it and I tried explaining to him that it was time to move on to the next thing. In the end I had to take his ball and put it back in the box, by which time I could hear ds screaming from the other side of the room. He was the only child of about 30 kids that reacted like that!! Even when they moved on and did the next activity, he was still carrying on about the ball - so I had no luck at all in diverting his attention. In the end I had to just pick him up and leave, because his behaviour wasn't improving and I was getting rather embarrassed. He is so well-behaved at other times and plays well with other children, so I am just floored when he does things like this. No amount of explaining or reasoning seems to help either. Should he still be acting like this? We don't encourage this behaviour at home because when he does it, we ignore him and walk away. Thank you for your help...

mum2boy ... it is hard isn't it?
All the encouragement I can give you is that when DS turned 3 he began to be easier to reason with ...
We have a zero tolerance policy to that kind of thing now and in the past I have often left somewhere because of that kind of thing ... now all I need to do is threaten to leave and he will give in.
So far I found the hardest age in this respect was from when he could crawl (10 months) to when he was coming up for 3 ...
Hang in there ... I don't believe your DS is the only one who behaves like that ... it just feels awful to you at the time because you are his mum ...
Thinking of you ...

Hi Mum2boy,

I agree totally with Ghosty. My ds was the exact same. When he too turned 3 I could reason with him but before then I found it very difficult sometimes. My ds was very strong willed and still is but I can talk him round now where as I couldn't always before. My son's speech wasn't great so I sometimes use to wonder did that frustrate him. His speeech is so much better now, so maybe that makes him much easier. It is probably just a stage with your little boy, he will grow out of it.

I can certainly sympthasise on this one. My 3 1/2 year old son continues to embarass me horribly by his excessive crying when he doesn't get his own way and in particular, when he is interrupted in doing something he is enjoying. I too try and ignore it and this tends to work but it takes time and unfortunately he is at his worst when he is in a slightly unusual situation or with a large group of people. I was left hanging my head in shame after a recent weekend away with friends where he seemed to be constantly bursting into extravagant tears or incessantly whinging "want to go back to the cottage / want to go in the pushchair etc etc". It depresses me but as he is a very emotional little boy, I think I just have to accept that he is prone to these sorts of outbursts. I am also hoping he grows out of it.

Im my experience, those crying fits go beyond reason too. Personally I think tiredness has a lot to do with it and so, yes, three year olds do grow out of them sort of.

mum2boy, it is interesting that your ds was screaming when he was with lots of new children, and Bells, your son was crying when in company at the weekend. My son zonks out after nursery (lots of people there too). I wonder whether these social situations cause more tiredness than we anticipate?

My dh has just started a new approach with ds (2 and a half) that seems to be paying dividends. Every time ds starts to cry/tantrum when he is thwarted or upset by something (which seems to be most of the time at the moment!), dh tells him not to cry but to say "oh bother!". I don't know whether it is because ds is just bemused by this suggestion or what, but it does stop him in his tracks as he repeats "oh bother!".

I think Tigermoth has a real point. We get the mad scene from Lucia quite often when about to board buses, get off buses, leave nursery, sing songs in Church creche etc. And like Bells' ds, ours is 3 and a half, very articulate and generally loving and "good". It just FEELS like yours is the only one up to this, Mum2boy, and do I sympathise. They're all at it sometimes, honestly. It does get better, and we find that matter of factly but not meanly ignoring the melodramatic boo-hooing at home and in public is working.

But this is SUCH a frustrating stage for littlies. They are just beginning to realise that they are able to make things happen, and want to be able to exert a little more control over their own lives. And their immature speech means that screaming is the only way of expressing how strongly they feel.

I know it's difficult to be objective about it when you are trying to deal with it, but understanding why they are behaving as they are helps you cope.

It is a phase, and it will pass - it won't be long before you're looking back (with rose-tinted specs, no doubt ) on this stage in their lives.

I think that Tigermoth has really hit on something when she suggests social situations can be stressful for little children even if they really enjoy it. I still find being with a lot of strangers exhausting and stressful and need to recharge with solitary & quiet time. I know that's not helpful in specific situations but I think it's probably true and something to watch out for and help by giving a child quiet one on one time even on visits. The only thing I can think of with problems switching from one activity to another - eg putting the balls away, is to give plenty of notice that it is about to happen, which doesn't always work either. He certainly doesn't sound unusual. I doubt that anyone else turned a hair.

My dd has these moments now and again and, yes, it is normally when he is getting tired. He is just coming up to two and five months and knows everything but he has also, on his own, cut out his daytime nap therefore making some days very long and tiring. I try to ignore them, not always easy I know.