Gender oriented play

[Bumperlicious]

Ok, so despite having several qualifications in psychology I never bothered to listen in Child Psych as I found it soooo boring (at the time!)

Anyway, my point it I should know the answer to this question, but I am just wondering about gender oriented play. At 14mo DD has latched on to a baby doll and carries it around, patting it on the back going "Ahhhh" and feeding it from her bottle or cup. It seems rather early for this sort of behaviour and I guess even if we consciously can't remember, we probably taught her to do these things. I'm just wondering if this is an innate thing in girls or whether given the same opportunity whether boys demonstrate the same nurturing behaviours towards dolls, especially at such a young age?

I tried very hard to avoid any gender stereotyping, avoided dolls for a long time, and then gave them both soft toy dolls. However they are totally stereotypical. dd used to put coffee jars to bed before I gave in with the dolls, and ds's favourite toys for years were sticks (for trains initially, now more weapon orientated). i think there must be some hard wiring involved.

It is innate. A friend had a DS and DD 15moths apart and she was very against stereotyping, she treated them the same. She got a very girly girl and a typical boy.

I used to believe it was all nurure the whole gender play, but know of twins who the girl will go straight for the cuddly toys, and red toys and the boy goes for cars, blue toys, metal spoons - both are under a year, and have the same selection of toys in front of them

Reminds me of when my sister gave DD a cuddly toy (she must have been a bout 3)

DD throws toy on floor and rolls over it in glee

Sister goes "Oh no no, you must take care of it" picked it up and started cradling and pretending to nurse it (it was an elephant by the way )

DD looks at her, takes toy back, fixes sister with steely eyes and ..... shoved it down her knickers laughing hysterically

made me rofl

you gets what you gets...

My DS LOVED his talking dolly when he was 2. Pushed it round in its pushchair etc. etc. I've just passed it on to next doors 3yo DD, and guess who loves it best? Her brother aged about 16m. He doesn't talk much yet, but says Baby baby when he's cuddling it. So no, I think all children this young just copy what they've seen, whether they are boys or girls.

DS loves his pushchair I bought for him ( admittedly it's blue not pink) - he nurtures his teddies. The other day at a friend who has a dd my ds's age and a newborn, she picked the baby up to feed it. DS promptly went and found a dolly (belonging to the friends dd) and the pretend milk and cradled said dolly on the sofa feeding it it's "milk" - it was very sweet.

Whenever friends have newborns he is desperate to hold/cuddle etc. The girls seem disinterested. He is happy to play with the dollshouses etc - I don't care - he'll sure enough work out what he wants.( He's obssessed already with ballsports OTH).

Apparently at nursery it's the boys who fight over the buggies more than the girls and DS will always go for the iron/dustpan and brush etc there (well trained )

I have boy/girl twins (and no other children) who are five now. My daughter is extremely girly and loves her Bratz and High School Musical, and my son loves Doctor Who and Spiderman.

Bearing in mind that they have always had both girls/boys toys to play with which are age appropriate, they have always steered towards the ones stereotypical for their gender. Even from a very young age, my son liked cars and building stuff, and my daughter liked her babies.

Sometimes they do play with eachothers toys, but the way they play is very different. My daughter will nurse her baby dolls and treat them gently, but my son will pick them up by their hair and toss them into a pram. He then proceeds to play bumper cars with the pram, which to him is much more fun than rocking them to sleep! My daughter will also play with her brothers Doctor Who figures, but will play games with dialogue along the lines of "Hello Martha Jones, would you like to come to tea today", and "Naughty Dalek, you need some time out!" rather than the action fuelled games my son plays.

I agree with Seekers post, that I always thought it was nurture, not nature which made children conform to gender stereotypes. I am quite a tomboy myself! However, after watching my own children, I can safely say that I believe they are like how they are through nature.

My children also sound very much like Seeker's, as my son does show a very caring and nurturing side towards his soft toys, and my daughter is really energetic and doesn't mind wearing trousers if there is tree climbing nvolved!

both my sons liked playing with their doll and ds1 used to breastfeed it
they have toy kitches/play food/tea sets/ a dolls pram etc etc
as wella s the action men and rockets etc

DS 22 months loves his hoover, cuddling his soft toys, 'cooking' with my hairbrush and a plastic container and wearing my jewellery BUT is obsessed with anything with an engine, especially a lawn mower. His first word was 'car'.

I too am sure that it is a combination of hard-wiring, environmental copying and individual personality.

My DD is 1.9 and loves shoes, bags, accessories and anything girly. She certainly doesn't get that by copying me.
She is a little interested in her doll, but not much. She would rather be reading a book or cooking with her teaset.
As for cars etc that she sees at friends' houses, she is far less interested in them than she is in the real ones that she sees around on the roads.

DC2 will be born in November and will probably be a boy, so it'll be interesting to make the comparison...

I think it's a combination, however more environment as they get given toys by grannies etc based on gender and a lot of adults even slightly subconsciously encourage and discourage one way or another, like I feel just that bit self conscious in a playgroup encouraging DS to care for a baby doll etc, and a polite mum wanting to make friends with him would always hand him a car simply because he is a boy.

The way I'm going is to give the whole range of toys, but I do encourage DS (nearly 2) in nurturing and caring for his stuffed animals, because it helps his emotional development. he also loves tea parties!(because of the raisins!)

Second every word of chelsea morning's post. DS 23 mths does all of those things and is also obsessed by diggers/tractors.

Also, incidentally, my baby boy (6 mths) has always been constantly "mothered" and tended to by exclusively little girls at play groups.Mind you,...thank goodness that is inate!

I also have a DD and DS, 15 mths apart who play with exactly the same toys. I bought DD an expensive baby Annabelle for her birthday but she shows little interest in it. Both prefer climbing and playing outside to playing with toys anyway. DD's favourite 'toy' is her bike.

I think both nature and nurture play a role - both my DS have always had more boys or uni-sex toys (farm animals, lego, stickle bricks) but my youngest has always adored soft toys - very attached to several.

Recently when a friend came to stay with her DD plus baby doll and buggy my DS2 (20 months) was obsessed with 'baby' so much so that they kindly have bought him one of his own and it's pretty much with him all day long!

I went to a 4 year old girl's birthday party last weekend, and the girls sat around in a cliquey little group (and told younger children they weren't welcome) and the boys, of a similar age, were running around crazy.

DS1 when he was 3 was given some plastic building blocks, and his five year old cousin promptly made a gun. Similar girls in the room at the same time were just hiding behind their mother's skirt.

I'd like to say it isn't innate, that we are all hard-wired the same, but these two instances brought home to me for the first time how different boys and girls are.

My DS had a buggy at around 14mths and a doll. My DH looks after him as well as me, and pushed the buggy about too. DS played with it lots, but has slowly lost interest... Now occasionally sits baby on the sofa, and is usually kind to baby. At 2.3 main interest is vehicular....any type of car, train or lorry. This does not come from either of us.

I studied sociology and have always been interested in gender differences.... and still amazed at what is happening.

DS has a healthy mixture of toys, not encouraged to be particularly boyish. He has noticed differences in gender and asked questions. He knows he is like DH and does things the same way.

DS always liked my company, but recently had begun to prefer DH...doing DIY instead of gardening, etc.

Just to add to the mix, I have DD (nearly 6) and DTs (boys, nearly 2). DD has lots of different toys - cuddlies, cars, pram, kitchen made out of a cardboard box, dolls' house, dressing up stuff, etc. Boys have garage, cars, and are allowed to play with everything their sister has. DT1 is an outgoing adrenaline junky and DT2 is shy and retiring limpet. DD is confident, bright and all things lovely!

DD does quite a lot of dressing up and likes her hair done, but frequently leaves the house without it seeing a brush. Has no problem getting wet and muddy, but also likes to look pretty and asks which colours go together when dressing occasionally!

DTs love wheels with a passion! They'll tip the pram over and whizz them round for ages. But they'll also put DD's dolls and cuddlies in the pram and wheel it round, give the dolls cuddles (caught DT2 checking a nappy today), play with the dolls' house more than DD does and love having their hair brushed (which also doesn't happen often). They also like puddles and mud.

I think all my DCs have a certain traits that are gender specific, but they also cross gender lines too. DT1 likes pink and chose a pink drinking cup a month ago, and likes wearing DD's ballet shoes. DD has only just learnt from school that pink is a "girl" colour. DT2 was spotted in DD's sparkly silver shoes the other day, and is as cuddly and caring as they come.

I do try very hard to treat them to their personality rather than gender. My plan is that I'll end up with two boys who will be worthy of their partners (whatever their gender preferences!) and a girl who's capable of making her own decisions without apology.

As a slight asside, I heard an expert talking about boys play the other day.

As parents we will often tell boys to stop playing with guns (or whatever it is they happen to be pretending is a gun at that moment!) The theory goes that we should let them carry on with it, otherwise we are repressing their natural instinct for role play. We often moan that men are somewhat lacking in empathy and the ability to put themselves in the shoes of others. As children learn how to do this through role play we are making it much harder for our boys to learn this life skill.

Obviously, the expert explained it much better than I did, but maybe there is something in it?

A friend of mine refused to ever buy her son a toy gun. By the age of 7 he was using pretty much everything he could get his hands on to pretend it was a gun. His uncle then bought him one for his birthday, he played with it non-stop for 2 weeks, and then never played guns or army again

General conclusion- let them get on with it!

Dd has taken to wearing my shoes and walking round in them. Ds never did that. She is particuarly attracted to some silver ones.

She loves trying on shoes as well.

She has demanded to wear a dress although I never ever wear them. Today she has informed me she wants an Upsy Daisy dress. I have never ever said anything to her.

I think it's innate.

I'm a single parent of a 3 year old boy, who has no contact with his father - so a very feminine environment. He has been offered toys of all descriptions. My best friends locally have girls, so he's probably seen more girls toys than boys. But as soon as he was able to, he chose to push cars and trucks around. Since he was tiny, he's got excited by tractors and diggers. He has no time at all for dolls, teddies, fuzzy felt and so on. All he wants is cars, trains, trucks, diggers - oh, and plasticine to make muck for the diggers to carry!

I'm a fervent believer in not stero typing my 3 DDs.. bought train sets/ cars etc and then, at 18 months, DD1 visited SIL's mother who had brought SIL's doll from attic and DD1 was SOOO happy that I had to go and buy one the following day.

The 3 DDs (now 8-11) played with dolls in all sorts of ways: irt started with Mums and dads (eg trying to bf doll!), moved through doctors, schools and now they are ignored for months and then taken out to bungee jump! They are irreplaceable playthings for all of them.

One bit of advice as you enter the world of dolls: avoid branded ones at all costs or you will end up paying silly amount of money for eg Baby-born buggy

BTW once you get over the shock of the DDs playing with dolls, it's quite sweet to watch how they "parent" them and you may even see your own parenting style reflected back (but my DN threw the doll I bought him down the staairs!)

DD 12 months seems a bit of tom boy. She's very adventurous, loves climbing, exploring, anything with buttons (phones, laptops,remote controls etc) and playing ball. She loves playing ball ie catching and rolling back. Climbing stairs is another favourite. She loves playing on her ride on. Rough play, being swung around, going on swings, hanging upside down etc has her in stitches.
She doesnt nurture any of her toys, rather she uses them to comfort her if she's tired. She does play at feeding others at the dinner table and has been known to put one of the baby toys in a buggy.
We dont have cars so I need to get her some to see if she likes those.
Im not a girly girl so maybe that's rubbing off!

Someone on another site told me about a little boy they know who used to breastfeed his toy tractor!

That's hilarious Lucicle!