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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

HELP.. how do I get dd off her dummy? she's 3

26 replies

Sharon1972 · 21/02/2005 09:59

Trying desperatly to get my dd off her dummy at night, just been to dentist and she has told me that the bones in her mouth are starting to mishape, but the reality is she is absolutly inconsolable when we have taken it away and won't be reasoned with, it wouldn't be so bad if she spat it out when asleep but it's well and truly clamped between her teeth. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

sallys · 21/02/2005 10:08

My dd although she's younger is exactly the same. Damn thing is in her mouth all night long, so much so that she gets spotty around her mouth and chin and the skin is always rough. I keep putting off the dreaded moment. Sorry don't have any suggestions just know how you feel.

Titania · 21/02/2005 10:11

same here........my dd is 3 and a half and come bedtime she screams and screams until she has her dummy.....its like the mute button on the remote control. I want to get her off it but she just wont let go of it.

starlover · 21/02/2005 10:16

someone i know told her dd that now she was a big girl she had to look after her dummies herself.
she started being very good and leaving them on a shelf at the bottom of the stairs for night time, but of course they eventually got lost.
she had been told all along that if she lost them there were no more.... they had one night of tears and that was that!

another friend of a friend was on holiday in scotland with her dd, beside a loch. she told her little girl that the baby fish in the loch needed her dummy. So her dd threw it in for them! She takes great pride now in telling anyone who will listen that her dummy belongs to the baby fishes!

The lady I used to work for and I came up with a plan to sabotage her dd's (it always seems to be girls!!!) dummies. Which is quite mean, but it did work. One of hers had got a bit chewed and ended up with a little split in it and she refused to use it. So we cut a little nick in each of the others and she came down one evening saying her dummy had broken and it wasn't the same.
We told her there were no others and she put the "broken" one in the bin.

They were all around the same age as your dd. At least at that age you can kind of reason with her a bit...!

sallys · 21/02/2005 10:18

From what I've read on other threads ( I think thats the right term I'm not very up on internet jargon! ) I think you just have to go for it and chuck them straight in the bin so there is no going back. As I said before I haven't done this- the prospect is too scary...

Dalesgirl · 21/02/2005 11:11

My DS is 3.5 and has a dummy. He goes through phases where he will give it to me to wash and doesn't ask for it the whole day. However, as soon as he feels tired or falls over or something like that he asks for it and is beyond help until he has it. It is a comfort thing I know. My friend's DS is 3 and she took his dummies off him and although he had a tantrum for 1.5 hours she just went with it. I have noticed though that he is sucking and chewing his toys. Maybe that is his substitute.
I think alowing the child a certain amount of decision making control in the situation is good. I like the 'loch' story from starlover. I am expecting a baby in July and my DS has said that he is going to give his dummies to the new baby.....we will wait and see. Bye the way, I am impressed that you can get your DD to the dentist. That's a whole different conversation.....

psychomum5 · 21/02/2005 11:56

I HATE dummies....grrrrrrr.
BUT, I am having those same issues with my DS2, who is 2.6yrs. He is totally addicted, and I am having huge issues just trying to make him go without it for the day....not yet brave enough to go whole hog and take it away completely !

I had this problem with DD2, who is now 9. We ended up weeaning her off it gradually leading up to her 3rd b/day, and then on the eve of her b/day, we told her that for every dummy she gave to the dummy fairy, she would get a pressie. Infortunately, we didn't reckon on how many she had hidden around the house....she found 10!!!...LOL for her initiative tho!
Sadly, the plan misfired, as within 2 days she stuck her thumb in (copying her older sister, DD1, who is now 10), and there it stayed. We now are fcing huge dental probs, as her jaw has not formed properly, and she now can't bite her front teeth together. The gap is enough to poke her tongue thro!!
I can see the same already happening to DS2, as his teeth don't meet, so it proves to me it is the dummy causing the problems, as DD1, altho having had her thumb since birth, has no dental issue.
Strange thing is tho, out of my 5 kiddies, 3 need the suck comfort thing, yet 2 don't...most confusing.

lisalisa · 21/02/2005 12:05

Message withdrawn

alison222 · 21/02/2005 14:32

DS was 3 and the dentist told him it would make his teeth go out of shape. We talked about it on the way home and he put it in the bin himself. I have to admit it was very sorry for itself though as he bit the last one and I refused to buy any more so I don't think he was getting much comfort from it anymore anyway.
My nephew went with his mum to get more at the age of 2.5 and she told him to choose. He refused because they had pictures of babies on the packets and he is "a big boy" LOL

sandyballs · 21/02/2005 15:00

Have you got any holidays coming up Sharon 1972?
I managed to get my twin DDs, who were then 3.5, off their dummies when we went to Spain last year - I told them that dummies were not allowed on the plane or in Spain and they wouldn't be able to take them! I thought it would be a nightmare and we would have a hellish time (packed a couple just in case - coward!) but they completely accepted that they couldn't take them and never mentioned them again. It definitely helped that they were in a new, exciting environment - I think it would have been harder to do at home, in the same routine iyswim.
It could probably work on holiday in this country, or even a couple of days away somewhere new.

desperatehousewife · 21/02/2005 15:08

My son was 2.5 at Christmas and we told him in advance that we were giving them to Father Xmas for the baby reindeer. We left them on a saucer with a mince pie and he went to bed quite happily (there was a lot going on at xmas, so was quite distracted). Buzz Lightyear was left in the place of the dummies by the chimney the next morning and we have not looked back since. He has mentioned them about 5 times but not winged once or cried for them.

This is amazing, because he was the most addicted child I knew to his beloved dummies. I would never in a million years have thought this would work.

Go for it - my child is a different child (much better able to deal with life) now he doesn't have them...maybe the Easter Bunny needs some dummies?

P.S. Mine did get very clingy to mummy for a couple of weeks though - but once I undestood why he was doing it, we got through it.

lisalisa · 21/02/2005 15:27

Message withdrawn

psychomum5 · 21/02/2005 18:01

Sounds like my son too lisalisa....his tantrums could win gold in the olympic games at times...LOL! Maybe thats why...his addiction has taken over his life

LooneyLaura · 22/02/2005 22:10

Dont know whether you've tried anyone's suggestions yet, but someone told me that she used to cut the teat off the dummy. After a couple of days of carrying it around, her DS put it in the bin saying it was "broken"!

We waited til the weekend (more time to deal with the tantrums) and took our DD's dummy off her one night and have never looked back. She was only 20 months old though. Being 3yrs she will have come attached to it too much and it's gonna be harder to take off her, but you can't give in. Afterall, you are doing it for her own good. Does she suck her thumb during the day/night?

Would love to hear how things have gone.

TiredBunny · 22/02/2005 22:31

Do you know anyone with a new baby to 'give' them to. Wont solve it but may help!

Hulababy · 23/02/2005 17:07

We went cold turkey with DD on New Year's Day. DD was 2y 8m at the time and adored her night time only dummy. But she was starting to use it as a delaying tactic at night and wanting it at other times. And she would become very upset - nightmare really. So we knew it had to be tackled.

Didn't plan it BTW. Just she started playing up that night, after we'd been away for the weekend. So I simply stated, very matter of fact, that there was no dummy. It had been left behind at uncle's house, and that Rupert the cat now had it (had new cat that was not able to go out yet - sob stpry bit for DD's sake).

She did cry and whinge for it - butnot for as long, or as bad, as I had expected. Maybe for about 20 minutes before she was asleep. It did help that she was tired that first night. The next couple of nights she did ask for it, but the complaints didn't last as long, and she fell asleep much quicker.

It's not 2 months on and no more dummies. And DD still belives Rupert the cat uses it as his comforter!

006 · 23/02/2005 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Sharon1972 · 24/02/2005 09:59

Wish me luck I am going away this weekend and when we get back the dummy is going to be "left behind" doesn't help that I have no back up from partner as he's never here, and besides we are separating at the moment.We have managed to narrow it down abit by popping in her room when she's asleep and taking it out of her mouth , but she does wake up more frequently (bearing in mind she has only just started sleeping through the night anyway!! so you can she why I'm a little reluctant)

OP posts:

pgra · 24/02/2005 20:41

Not sure if any of you are still looking at this! Anyway, I have been thinking of stopping my daughter having a dummy for a while - she is 2.4. Having read these messages I think I am going to go for it! She is really dependant on it when tired (day and night) but I really hate them so I am going to give it a try. thanks.

TiredBunny · 24/02/2005 21:07

My dd got a sore on her mouth so we got CROSS with the noo-noo because it was naughty and made her mouth sore! SHe got up and we threw them all in the bin!!!! I then bought her a few little pressies to say what a good girl she was and that was that! Good idea to make the new toy a teddy or something they can take to bed!

TiredBunny · 24/02/2005 21:08

As for you separating Sharon1972..... hang in there! Been a single mum for 2 years and when you make progress with your child you feel great because you know you have done it all on your own!!!!

FairyMum · 24/02/2005 21:19

haven't read whole thread so apologise if already mentioned, but i seem to remember someone advised to cut small holes in the dummy. apparently they get fed up as it doesn't taste so nice.

wanda · 24/02/2005 21:26

We had this problem with DD. Problem was that she never really wanted the thing in the first place but we tried to get het to take it to give me a rest from breast feeding. DD started at three months and carried on (at bedtime only) until two weeks ago aged 5! Honestly we tried everything. Bribery, horror stories and deprivation. Nothing worked. Then I stopped stressing and left her to it. Recently she lost it just before bedtime and had to go to bed without it (a scenario I could never have imagined) anyway she went to bed, slept and never asked for it again. I stopped stressing mainly because I realised that this was her comforter, she had no teddy or blanket or anything like that. I started to think about how cruel it would be to take any of those things away and just decided to chill about it. A dummy may not be the most asthetically pleasing of things but honestly how many people do you ever meet who have been permanently damaged by one? Ds is five monthsl old and a thumb sucker, time to start stressing again!!

wanda · 24/02/2005 21:43

I thought I'd just add that DD does have teddies and blankets but none that she is particularly attached to. Just re read my message and thought you might be sending Social Services around.

TiredBunny · 24/02/2005 22:03

Mine doesnt have a particular one and sleeps without anything. Though is a bit unsettled at moment - family stuff. Almost wish she had her noo-noo still to calm her down.

malibustacey · 28/02/2005 13:22

Hi, my dd had a real dummy problem, she used to have between six and eight of them, which she carried round and knew exactly which one was missing at any one time! We decided when she was two (2003) that the dummies had to go, so we tied it to them xmas tree with a note for santa, when she came down the next morning there was a present in the place her dummies had been, with a note saying what a big girl she was.
Did this work??? For one night only!!!

I couldnt bare to here her crying for them so they all came back.
Then in August 2004 we moved to cyprus, and one by one the dummies got lost and i refused to buy any more and it was easy as that. So maybe they just give them up when they are ready!! I wouldnt worry too much, just maybe take it away in the day to start with and let it be for sleep only!
Good Luck!!!!!

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