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Behaviour/development

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Original poster

potty training nightmares and losing temper

23 replies

roseability · 01/09/2008 13:55

Having a really bad day

Trying to toilet train my DS 2.5. We thought he was ready because he sat on the potty a couple of times over the weekend and did a pee, so today I just went for it and put him in pants.

I made the mistake of going out though and after trying to get him to use the potty a few times without success he did a huge pee all over every item of clothing and the car seat on the way home. Tried to keep calm but couldn't completely hide my irritation

Then he did another huge pee all over clean clothes and carpet. I really lost it, screamed at him and threw the potty (not at him!). I didn't call him stupid or anything like that but I grabbed his arms and really snarled. In that way that you know if you could see your face all twisted with anger you would be shocked and dismayed.

I am utterly disgusted at myself. He maybe just isn't ready yet. I think it is partly hormones (on my behalf) I rarely lose it in such an uncontrolled way but god I feel guilty. He is resting in cot at the moment to give us both a breather. I will then give him lots of cuddles and tell him I love him but it doesn't make up for my abominable behaviour. Who is the 2 year old here?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

OMaLittle · 01/09/2008 13:57

I feel your pain. We have been having regression and it is SO infuriating, don't want to get angry with her at all but there's something about accidents that just make me see red , I think because she was dry for six weeks before the regression so I know she can do it. Advice, though, try and remember that it's going to make it much more fun for them if you get so angry. My DD had never seen me so cross so that just made doing it again all the more enticing...

Sending calm vibes. It will get better.

AvenaLife · 01/09/2008 14:00

Don't worry, just give him lots of cuddles. You lost your temper, we've all been there. I remember ds pooing himself, he was able to use the toilet to wee but would only poo in his pants. I got so angry and shouted at him. I felt really bad afterwards. I'm sure we've all been there.

Iklboo · 01/09/2008 14:03

It does take time and there will be accidents. We encouraged DS with a sticker chart - every day he went on the potty he got a sticker. When the sticker chart was full he got a toy/treat.
He's doing really well now and is only in nappies at night BUT still has the odd accident.
Try not to get too upset with him or yourself

OMaLittle · 01/09/2008 14:05

Oh yes, we're doing sticker chart too. I am a total carrot person so I'm assuming (in theory) stick/anger will work as well on the DDs as it works on me (i.e. not at all).

mankymummy · 01/09/2008 14:08

2.5 is very young still. my DS is just 3 and he's still in nappies. i tried the potty training but he was getting upset at accidents so i thought sod it, he'll do it when he's ready.

give yourself a break love, its hard work.

slap the nappies back on, give him a hug, tell him mummy is naughty for shouting and getting cross and sit down with a cup of tea and a cream cake.

sockmonkey · 01/09/2008 14:09

I think potty training is one of the most stressful things you hav to do. Honestly its weeks of being on edge.
I got really cross at DS2 when he did a poo on the floor inbetween two potties. Honestly I had taken him to the loo 6 times in 10 mins before he did it.
It's horrible, but it isn't forever...keep telling yourself its not forever, and get yourself a chocolate biscuit!

kitbit · 01/09/2008 14:13

I think perhaps you were expecting a bit too much from him, start smaller and make your way forward slowly and it'll leave lots less room for frustration and failure! Stay at home with the potty handy and trousers off, and maybe only venture out without nappies when he's a bit more used to holding it in. ds had "home pants" and "out pants (pull ups)" for a few days. I now this doesn't work for everyone as many think a total change is less confusing, but it did help with any little accidents and kept us all sane and ds happy. good luck

Original poster

roseability · 01/09/2008 14:16

mankymummy I love the idea of tea and cream cake

He probably isn't quite ready yet and I don't know why I get so het up about it. They all do it in their own time and all that. I suppose it is a combination of selfish reasons i.e. can't be bothered with nappies anymore (we use reusables) and also for him as he is prone to nappy rash.

It is also coupled with him hitting the 2 year old 'egocentric' phase. Yes he is adorable and bright and generally well behaved but those whining, petulent days really try the patience! Just a bad morning, great to get some friendly advice. thanks guys

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Original poster

roseability · 01/09/2008 14:19

kitbit you are definately right

The only reason I went out was that I had promised to meet someone but I knew deep down it was asking too much from both of us. I suppose I got all enthusiastic after the weekend. It dosen't help that I am either pre menstrual or pregnant (ttc and in the 2 week wait).

Spot the first time mum here!

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 01/09/2008 14:27

stick him in disposables if you're fed up with re-useables. May help with the nappy rash too, they are extremely good nappies and do keep the skin dry.

You sound hormonal to me, it's that thing of the overwhelming feelings of anger which are out of all proportion with the 'crime'!!
We've all been there!

I do think when you do start potty training him it is good to set aside a week when you don't expect to do much other than be at home. Certainly I don't think you can go out on the first day, but then you know that now, don't you

I think you're right and he's too young anyway. I say stick him in disposables. You've done your bit for the environment and a few months in disposables to avoid this kind of stress is not going to blow up the planet.

Elibean · 01/09/2008 16:12

2.5 is still very young, I agree, and IME if you wait till they're really truly ready its a lot less stressful on both of you. My BF recently gave up trying with her dd2 at 2.5 (having had her dd1 dry in a week at the same age) and at just 3, she was toilet trained, bypassing potty altogether, virtually overnight.

Also, IME, its almost more important to choose a time when you're feeling supported/unstressed - if possible. You are the one who has to contain them through a challenging time, so your readiness is vital too

Give yourself a hug as well as your lovely DS...

Mogsmum · 01/09/2008 19:57

I know exactly how you feel. Started potty training DS when he was 2yrs 8 months using Potty Training in One Week by Gina Ford. She has some strange ideas but I picked out the bits I thought would work best on my little monster. Setting aside a week is really good advice. I took a week off work (thankfully the sun was shining), spent the first two days in t-shirt & pants (him not me ) and in the garden with the potty nearby and then gradually increased the time we spent away from the house.

It did get frustrating and I lost my temper with him a couple of times for peeing on the carpet next to the potty . Souting at him made me feel better but also guilty.

He got the idea eventually (after about 2 weeks) and is now dry during the day - now we just have to tackle the nights! He's gone to bed - at his request - without a nappy tonight and the potty next his bed. I wonder what kind of night I'm in for

mumov3boys · 01/09/2008 20:51

hi mogsmum try getting ds up before you go to bed get him up for a wee on potty dont worry hes still a sleep i know ive dont it with my 3ds it works a treat also put a waterproof sheet on bed just in case hope this helps

Mogsmum · 01/09/2008 21:13

mumov3boys (god how do cope), thanks, got some Pampers Bedmats in Tesco today as he wanted to go to bed last night with no nappy. Persuaded him into last night, but as I'm not one to stop progress thought I'd give it go!!

Does lifting them really help? He usually wakes about an hour after I go to bed, so might try then!

dilemma456 · 02/09/2008 20:40

Message withdrawn

desperatehousewifetoo · 02/09/2008 20:58

Another vote for the Gina Ford book here. Breaks potty training down to very simple steps (although I did change some things slightly to suit me too).

I also advocate chocolate buttons instead of sticker charts. My dd was very unimpressed by stickers unfortunately

Have at least 3 days planned at home and expect the first couple to be you scrubbing the floor quite a lot!

Good luck

LolaLadybird · 02/09/2008 22:28

Agree with the other posters about potty training really testing your patience. I didn't potty train DD until nearly 3 and so it was a relatively easy exercise compared to some friends' DCs but it still tested my patience horribly. I also got cross v quickly over other things as I felt like any reserves of patience were being used up on potty incidents and there was none left for the usual daily trials of parenting a toddler!

Don't be too hard on yourself, and don't rush DS if he's not ready (the GF book mentioned already is good at listing the signs of readiness). We started on a Sat so DH was around for the first 2 days and I wasn't brave enough to venture out for about 5 days!

obsessivereader · 03/09/2008 21:39

I've done similar today - my dd started potty training a couple of months ago - early at 20 months, but she ticked all the boxes in all the lists of "how to know if your child is ready" that I found in books and on the internet.

We are currently on the sticker chart which she loves and worked really well for the first 4 days, but she's now regularly sat on the toilet playing with her trousers, or refusing to go on the toilet and 2 mins later she has an accident - it drives me INSANE!!! cos I know she can do it.

Aaaarrrrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!

cheeset · 03/09/2008 21:49

I haven't read thro the whole thread so forgive me, but I never bothered with a potty , both my dc went straight on the loo with a special seat. They were encourage to use the loo as they got a special dolly mixture averytime they went. Potty trained from, if I can remember, 2.8mths?

Both hardly ever had accidents.

cheeset · 03/09/2008 21:50

Sorry, forgot to add my sympathies for a shit day, don't feel bad, weve all been there and clearing up pee pee is damn irritating.

obsessivereader · 03/09/2008 22:05

Yeah - forgot to mention that we got a puppy a couple of weeks ago - 2 lots of pee pee to clean up! Humph - whose idea was that then?!

Original poster

roseability · 03/09/2008 22:28

thanks guys!

He has actually moved on in the last 48 hours and will now sit on the potty to do a pee without prompting. We only had one accident today and I was very calm about it.

I maybe did start a bit early but don't want to go back to nappies now we have started! I am just staying close to home and as I said am a lot calmer now (was my hormones methinks!)

I still feel guilty about my loss of control and worry I have given him issues about toilets for the rest of his life (freudian style!) but onwards and upwards. Have given him lots of praise/hugs/love today

OP posts:

Ripeberry · 03/09/2008 22:35

Don't bother until they are at least 3yrs old, they will click at 3.5yrs and there is less hastle and stress all round. Invest in some pull-ups they are a life saver!

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