I've made a terrible mistake telling my 6 year old about anorexia - what can I do to stop her feeling so worried?

[merrygoround]

This morning I showed my 6 year old daughter a couple of photos (from the internet) of women who were suffering with anorexia. I suppose most people reading this must think I was mad or stupid, and looking back I now regret it. At the time I was trying to explain to her why being thin is not a goal that is a sensible one, and that if anyone tells her she is fat then she should take no notice. She is not fat, in fact she is skinny, but I am aware that even at her age there is a pressure to be thin, and it alarms me.

Anyway, tonight at bathtime she suddenly got very upset, and said she was starving, and wanted some food. I gave her an apple, as she'd already eaten a good dinner. Once in bed she seemed very fidgety and kept on putting her head under the covers - in the end she burst into tears and told me she thought she was too thin - because she can feel her bones. I did all I could to reassure her, and she then started crying because she felt sorry for "those ladies" (ie the ones she saw in the pictures).

I felt absolutely terrible, and still do. My dp is furious with me, and I am furious with myself.

My instinct is to say nothing more about it, I have already told her I wish I hadn't shown her the pictures and that I never meant to upset her. I have told her that she is perfect as she is, and that if anyone is to do any worrying it is me, not her because she is a child and I am her mother. (Some mother). She eats like a horse by the way and is full of energy.

Does anyone have any advice about what I should or should not do or say if the subject comes up again?

I totally sympathise, I had the same problem with my 6 year old daughter. She was very body conscious and asked me about being too fat, etc. The school nurse was no help and I had to address the issue as it was a real problem to her. Then one morning we sat and watched a 'True Movie' together about a teenage girl who became anorexic - I think it was called 'Dying to be Thin' - She saw the imagery, such as you have shown your daughter, but it was surrounded by the story, the explaination that it is an illness and that the illness can start by normal healthy girls thinking that they are too fat. My daughter seemed to really respond well to this, she now tells me that she is healthy and..."it is not good to be too thin, is it mummy?" Result! I just hope it doesn't surface again in her teens. The fact of the matter is that the pressure on girls to look 'right' is evident as soon as they start school now, this started when my daughter was 5, and there is no advice out there for parents, as I said the school nurse almost dismissed me for being silly.

Larsmedars, that is really interesting. The school nurse presumably thinks it is just something that will pass, but the trouble is the pressure will never be removed so it is important to try and give children age appropriate information so that they can deal with that pressure. I wonder at what age the school nurse would take such a problem seriously? Do you have any idea of the youngest age anorexia (or a tendency towards it) might start?

I suppose the truth is that we can have no idea if our children will become anorexic in the future. My understanding of the illness is that it is not just about wanting to be thin - maybe that is the trigger - it seems often to be about feeling out of control and finding something (ie eating) that the person can have control over, which builds a feeling of power when otherwise feeling powerless.

I don't think my dd at the age of 6 could ever get her head around the idea that someone would actively choose to starve themselves, so that whole aspect of the illness is not one I have tried to explain to her. I think that building healthy self esteem is the challenge, and then you just have to hope that the child develops enough inner resources to handle things without resorting to such extreme measures as starvation.