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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

embarrassing toddler tantrums - a young lad said "please don't hurt him" as I hoiked screaming ds out of a shop today

46 replies

deaconblue · 27/08/2008 21:47

He yelled "help" at the top of his voice, arched his back and went purple just because he wouldn't leave the shop voluntarily and I carted him out over my shoulder. Poor lad of about 10 really thought ds was being hurt and looked so upset. I stopped and explained why ds was yelling but was soooooooo emabarrassed.
Anyone else own a little wotsit like mine?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Riddo · 28/08/2008 10:06

When dd was 3 she shouted "Don't hit me Mummy" in the most echoey place in the local shopping centre. Lots of people looked round - so embarrassing!

It was very sweet of the older boy to be concerned.

chapstickchick · 28/08/2008 10:20

a wise social worker once told me that the child saying dont hurt me isnt the one you worry about its the one who sits quietly hidden away and is unfazed my a parents ranting

Pinkjenny · 28/08/2008 10:22

Not quite the same thing, but hey, last week dd was screaming her nuts off because it was raining and I'd put the raincover down, which she hates.

A nosy old biddy lady came over to me and said, 'I am concerned for your child'. I can't tell you what I said back.

MatNanPlus · 28/08/2008 10:30

LOL brill shall we guess PinkJenny

Pinkjenny · 28/08/2008 10:31

The air was blue. My mum was disgusted with me when I told her.

HonoriaGlossop · 28/08/2008 10:42

Pinkjenny, I don't want to go all po-faced and sucking-a-lemon-old-bag on you, but the trouble is there are always posts on here from people AGNOSING about whether they should have gone up to a parent and said something when they witnessed something that worried them....being aggressive to people who DO come up may only serve to re-inforce the impression that we can't dare to challenge parents....I know it's hard when you feel attacked for no reason.....

and tbh I do think most people would have realised that this was just a child having a tantrum about something minor....but I'd rather people came up than didn't.

HonoriaGlossop · 28/08/2008 10:43

AGNOSING I mean AGONISING, obv

Pinkjenny · 28/08/2008 10:46

Honoria - I'm kind of torn between agreeing with you and not. I completely understand what you are saying, but I suppose when you are in the heat of the moment, struggling with a tantrum-ing toddler, judgement is not welcomed.

I wouldn't have reacted so badly if there hadn't been the inference that dd was being mis-treated. I don't think she approached it in the right way, to be honest, she could have been kind and asked if I needed any help, or just struck up a pleasant conversation and tried to ascertain whether I was, in fact, harming dd in any way.

My blood is actually boiling as I type this!

HonoriaGlossop · 28/08/2008 10:47

That's it exactly Pink - she should have said "Can I help you at all?" rather than "I am concerned"....true. It is all about how it is approached.

Pinkjenny · 28/08/2008 10:49

She should have seen dd ten minutes later, being carried all the way home, by a wet, sweaty and tired mummy, struggling with shopping bags and a pram, while dd munched on a nice biscuit.

I wonder if she'd have come over to dd and told her she was concerned for me!!!

HonoriaGlossop · 28/08/2008 10:53

Yes wouldn't it be lovely if people also bothered to come up and say "You are doing a fabulous job with that child"!!!!!!!!!!!

Pinkjenny · 28/08/2008 10:55

I often say that to people, particularly those with newborns. Dd has always been very, erm, vocal, and I have had lots of snotty comments and looks from people.

I'll always remember an elderly lady coming over to me once when dd was very little, and crying and crying in her pram. She came over, put her arm round me and said, 'One day, she'll be your best friend'.

God, I'm welling up remembering it!

Mamazon · 28/08/2008 10:56

I have actually had people say that to me

Ds is ASD and especially when he was younger he would have full on meltdowns in the supermarket just because someone walked past wearing something he found objectionable (ya know, just like Cod does)

I got so used to them that i just carried on shoppign regardless. totally ignoring the kicking, screaming and yelling.

yes i would often get a few nasty comments, but after a while you got used to them too and ifgnored them...you can't educate the entire world.

But every so often someone would come up and sa "well done. you do so well with him"

First time i nearly blubbed right there and then in Tesco.

HonoriaGlossop · 28/08/2008 11:04

aw that's lovely.

Unfortunately that has NOT happened to me

mistlethrush · 28/08/2008 11:07

I agree! Same Scottish holiday when ds had be abysmal all day and reduced me to tears at one stage (frustration) we decided to brave a restaurant as we didn't want our whole holiday scuppered by ds's behaviour. He got told in no uncertain terms that if he didn't sit on his chair and behave nicely, he and I would go out of the restaurant and wait in the car (sea food restaurant that is a favourite of dh's - I'm veggie so not so bothered!). Ds was fairly well behaved and did quite well with his food and also took a liking to some of dh's (langoustines and smoked salmon in particular!). As we were 'using the facilities' after supper before going home, a lady stopped us and said how well behaved ds had been and that she would have never braved taking any of hers in to a similar situation. Made up for some of the horrendous behaviour the rest of the time!

VinegarTits · 28/08/2008 11:20

Some funny tantrum stories here, not so funny at the time though eh?

My ds had a major one at a (very busy)Spanish airport because i took him out of his buggy to put it through the scanner, he just sat on the floor and screamed at the top of his voice 'i want my cram (toddler speak for pram)' i tried to pick him up and he kept hitting me away there was a queue of people waiting to go through the scanner

A very lovely Spanish guard came over and picked him up, took him through the metal detector, picked up his pram and strapped him in it, by this time ds was smiling and waving goodbye, the little monkey.

FluffyMummy123 · 28/08/2008 14:27

Message withdrawn

FluffyMummy123 · 28/08/2008 14:28

Message withdrawn

Original poster

deaconblue · 28/08/2008 20:30

you see I need to not give a feck then I would be less stressed. Am very easily embarrassed. Maybe by the time dd is a pita I will have developed thicker skin

OP posts:

crocs · 28/08/2008 20:46

Oh my god, yes i'm sure mine is worse. Heis nearly 4 and is totally manipulative. if he behaves in public, which is rare, i am so so grateful i end up rewarding him, i know i have it wrong, how did it get to this??

AMY678 · 30/04/2009 11:38

one thing I never do as a mum with three kids is watch and judge and stare if a toddler is tantruming in public, I know how it feels to be stared at damned if you deal with it damned if you dont, I try to block everyone out and not let DD get to me iykwim, she soon runs out of steam.

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