Ok, so what *are* you supposed to do with tantrums...

[GordonTheGopher]

If they are physically hurting themselves?

(ds is 2 and spent most of his tantrum headbutting the front door).

I'd like to know, too! My daughter (nearly two) was headbutting the floor for a while yesterday. Then she cried because it hurt.

I think at nearly 2 and just 2 I would pick up and cuddle

Not sure about beyond that though!

He wouldn't let me cuddle him. Kicking and screaming and hitting me instead.

at that age distraction was the only thing that worked - and that meant nothing I did - just for example taking them outside and a tractor goes by - and suddenly the tantrum is gone. Bit annoying if there is nothing sufficiently distracting going one though.

how hard is he headbutting? if hes not leaving bruises id be tempted to ignore if he is grab him and hig tightly so that he cant move but dont speak to him. hold him untill he calms down.

you will just have to ignore the hitting and kicking my dd1 used to do it to me and the only thing i have found that works is holding them tightlyy untill they calm down.

stand behind them, grab both arms and fold them. try and get them to sit down and hook your own legs over tehirs.

It kind of means you are hugging them whilst sitting cross legged. and as their arms are folded they can't hurt you.

Its easier to do than explain though.

If he is throwing a tantrum but not actually huruting himself i would just try and place him somewhere reasonably safe and ignore him till he calms down.

If its a whopper, which occasionally I'll admit to, I use gentle constraint - a big bear hug their bottom on my lap arms reasonably tight around their upper body and keeping their arms still,keeping my head well clear of theirs encase they try head butting.

Generally I don't talk, kiss or caress them its not a reward hug its a I'm not going to let you hurt yourself your too young to understand constraint - but actually its a hug and secure hold.

Usually the lashing out temper blows over within a minute or two and you can release them onto the floor to finish the tantrum without hurting themselves. My younger one is now 2.5 and as his language comes on they seam to be easing significantly.

No rights and wrongs I guess just remember when your out that that angelic child in the pushchair/ trolley/ walking smiling at mum was also throwing a whopper at some point your not alone.

I did hug my daughter and she calmed down after a little while but she was trying to scratch my face at one point.

The crossing arms thing sounds interesting and sensible.

I've never had this (luckily) so can only guess but I think I would for a 2 yr old do the 'enveloping hug' thing so that they cannot hurt themselves. It might make some kids even more incandescent though. I doubt they would TRULY do damage to themselves as that would go against human instinct; but if you are too worried and can't bear it then you'd have to restrain I guess, but be FIRM otherwise I can imagine heads being thrown back and banging your teeth etc!

sounds horrible, sympathy from me