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Behaviour/development

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Original poster

Potty training advice needed please!!!!

26 replies

alexsmum · 08/02/2003 00:55

My son is 2 years 11 months and is still in nappies.I am getting so much grief from my mum and my MiL that I'm really getting bothered about it.But I truly think that he just isn't ready.
We have done the choosing big boy pants thing, and being very proud of them.But once he has them on he just wets them.I have potties upstairs and down,and I praise him if he does do anything.But in the nappy free day we had yesterday he didn't once say " i need the potty" or I did a wee or anything.He just weed and carried on as normal with wet clothes.If he has a nappy on and I ask if he's pooed, he always says no .I just don't know what to do.My mum says I should persevere and he will get fed up being wet and uncomfy but I'm not convinced that's the best approach.Plus I can't keep up with the washing...5 changes
of trousers yesterday!!!!
Sorry for the essay!!

OP posts:

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Bunza · 08/02/2003 02:20

Dear Alexsmum.

He may just not be ready for this. Some kids are, some aren't.

How about trying a star chart? Reward with a star for each wee and poo (poos take longer I've found) and maybe just be a broken record all day 'do you need to wee' do you need to poo?' If you see him straining or standing still 'thinking' run him to the toilet and pop him on.

Are you able to leave him without trousers, I found it easier to have them just run around and see the consequences of their actions!

Good Luck - It does take perseverence. Perhaps he needs to feel wet and uncomfortable for a while, it might make him realise that mum won't change his pants every time with a nice fresh pair when he soils them or at least don't rush to change him???

Queenie · 08/02/2003 09:22

Alexsmum, I am going through the same with dd who is 2.4 yo. Always ask do you want to do ...? only to be told no, and the next minute aroma crisis!! I hoped she would get poo trained first. I have decided to leave it another month or so and try again. I think all the asking gets her a little self conscious about whats she's doing as she is obviously squatting to poo but moves away from me awkwardly in a crouched position - I'd be the same if someone kept asking me. Why don't you leave it a little longer and take the pressure of you both. I was told to leave it as late as possible and it would be easier but I get fed up with nappy changing as I also have a 4 mth baby and sometimes have 4 or 5 nappies changes in a morning. Good luck - bet you get there quicker than me!!

Bozza · 08/02/2003 14:53

I hope you don't mind me hijacking your thread Alexsmum but I'm also wondering what to do with my DS. He's 23.5 months and will tell me he's done/doing a poo in his nappy. He also knows when he is doing a wee when he's not got the nappy on.

BUT....it seems to take him about 20-30 minutes to do a wee. ie he doesn't just do one in a continuous stream (sorry the detail is getting a bit much here) he does a little dribble, then a few drops then a dribble etc. I tried him in pants but no trousers yesterday and this morning and we got through 20-odd pairs of pants. But he would go for a couple of hours between wetting and then 4/5 pairs plus some wee on the potty in the next half hour. I have decided to lay off the training and try again in a few weeks but I need to know before I try again if this is physically normal. I realise that this is probably what new-born babies do but I thought that by the age of 2 there would be a more adult-like (albeit without the warning) pattern. And keeping him on the potty for half an hour is a real task. So is he just not physically developed or is it something different. I did wonder about a UTI (because cystitis has a similar effect on me) but there are no other obvious signs.

Joe1 · 08/02/2003 15:08

Alexsmum I am having the same problems, although not the pestering from mum or mil thankfully. The other morning I put grown up pants on with trousers which he loved, sat on his potty but held on for over 3 hours without having a wee, by then I was going out so put a nappy on. He hates sitting on his potty or a toilet and feel I missed my one chance recently of linking the two together when he told me he wanted a wee but because he had only just done one I thought that was what he was telling me. Im not really bothered I suppose but would like a start as I too am getting fed up with changing two in nappies. I am sure it will all come together when he is ready, after all he has proven he can hold on.

jodee · 08/02/2003 22:00

Hi Alexsmum, I do think it's unfair of your Mum and MIL to be putting so much pressure on you. That pressure is probably being transferred down to your son who can tell that you are anxious for him to get out of nappies.

I hope I can be of some encouragement - my son is a similar age to yours (2y 10m) and I have only been potty training him for 3 weeks, I just didn't feel he was ready. He would never say if he had done a wee or a poo (well, he would always say 'no poo, no poo' when it was very clearly obvious that he had done one! I had been SO nervous about starting training, I was getting stressed out about it, but I want him to go to pre-school when he is 3 and they have to be dry, so I had to go for it.

My ds is also not a great talker, he doesn't really speak in sentences yet, although I can usually understand most of what he says. But I know he understands what I say to him and can carry out instructions easy, so I thought maybe it was time to try.

I decided to just leave him bare-bummed around the house, with a potty upstairs and downstairs, and told him when he wanted to do a wee he had to sit on the potty. Well, I was amazed! after 2 days and just a couple of accidents he was taking himself off to the potty no problem. I carried on leaving him bare-bummed for nearly 2 weeks so he got the hang of it, then put pants on him around the house. He is a big Thomas the Tank fan, so we found some Thomas pants and I said that if he wanted to wee he had to pull his pants down, as we didn't want to get Thomas all wet, did we? We only had a few accidents with pants on (he couldn't pull them down at first), but he's doing pretty well. He is sometimes wearing pull-ups to go out - he isn't really telling me when he wants a wee yet, but we have been out a couple of times to the local shops and back with pants on. I limit the amount he has to drink, say, an hour before we are to leave and ask him to sit on the potty just before we go out.

I hope that is of some use - good luck Alexsmum, but if he still isn't ready, then don't worry! He will get there and it would really help you if your Mum and MIL could be more understanding and supportive towards you!

Crunchie · 10/02/2003 09:27

Bozza I found exactly the same when Potty training my 22 month old. She could go a couple of hours, and then dribble dribble. The first day it was 10 accidents, and no sucesses, day 2 the same (although she did sit on the pot), day 3 one sucess (big fanfare) lots of sitting on the potty, lots of accidents, Day 4 mostly sucesses, only 3 accidents!! By week 2 she had pretty much cracked it, but was going every 10 mins. Now after a month, she still has periods of going every 10 mins, and then a break fr 2 hrs. But only the odd accident. I would say keep going, I promised myself a week, then we had had progress and I gave it another week (we had regressed badly at the beginning of the 2nd week! I think the weekend confused teh routine). In comparison to my older dd who took a year, it was a doddle, albiet non stop washing for 2 weeks!

breeze · 10/02/2003 09:42

Some children just take longer, i attempted to potty train ds at 2 years and had lots of accidents (he wasn't ready), i waited until the summer when he ran about with no bottoms on and within a week he cracked it, and as soon as he was dry in the day he stopped wetting his nappy at night, that was nearly a year ago and (touch wood) even though he has the ocassional accident in the day, he has never wet his bed.

They let you know when they are ready.

I think it is unfair that pressure us out on you, motherhood is tough as it is without the added pressure. Good Luck

AngieL · 10/02/2003 10:07

Sorry, don't wish to hijack this thread but wondered if anyone could offer me any advice. My ds is 2 yrs 10 months and absolutely refuses to sit on the potty or the toilet. Any tips on how to get him to sit down?

sprout · 10/02/2003 11:40

AngieL, do you know a slightly older child who could come round to play with your ds to demonstrate? Dd almost potty trained herself after seeing a much-admired older friend use the toilet. But at the same time you'd have to be careful it didn't turn into a pressurised situation for your ds, making him feel the other child was "better".

Enid · 10/02/2003 11:42

sprouts advice is excellent, dd1 trained herself immediately after watching older friends going to the loo.

AngieL · 10/02/2003 11:49

I have got a 5 yo dd who does try to encourage him but he's just not interested. Any mention of him sitting on the potty and he just says he doesn't want to. I have tried physically putting him on it, but he screams hysterically and it is all to stressful for him and me.

Tarn · 10/02/2003 12:05

I have a 2.1 year old son who is quite happy to sit on the potty and read a book, but he will only wee/poo in his nappy! He will sit quite happily for ages and even says 'wee potty' but hasn't actually grasped the idea! He used to scream to sit on it but we started by saying he had to sit on the potty before getting in the bath, which he loves, he only sat for seconds but it worked with getting him used to it, so perhaps my problem now is that he just thinks it's somewhere to sit while the bath is running??

clucks · 10/02/2003 21:49

I also have a 2.5 yr old with good bladder/bowel control who refuses to sit on potty. He will tell me when he has weed and wants his nappy off but will only do wee/poo in nappy. If he is bare he will bring me a nappy to put on in order to wee. He hates having accidents but is using nappy as potty and takes it off straight after doing the biz. We have left it for now but I'll try in a few weeks when he's out of nursery. Is there anyway I can make the potty more appealing to use?

CAM · 11/02/2003 08:10

I saw a book advertised in Junior Magazine "How to Potty Train your child in 7 days" Guess who it's by, anyone?

WideWebWitch · 11/02/2003 08:14

I know! I know CAM! It's by Ms Ford

ScummyMummy · 11/02/2003 08:15

Stop stirring, CAM!!!!

CAM · 11/02/2003 08:57

Sorry my wooden spoon just started twitching when I saw that book review!

Bozza · 11/02/2003 09:09

Thanks Crunchie for the reassurance. I have already given up I'm afraid. I put DS in a nappy for his nap and he managed to squeeze a poo into that and I just decided I'd had enough. Although have to say the poo in the nappy while supposedly napping is a common tactic which shows he has some bowel control and also some Mummy control! The other thing is that he has only been in the new room at nursery for a week and so I think it would be too much - new room and no nappy so I think I will have another go in a month or so.

ScummyMummy · 11/02/2003 09:11

May publish a rival publication based on my own experiences- "How to potty Train your Child in Seven Years..."

Batters · 11/02/2003 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Enid · 11/02/2003 09:52

Currently working on 'How to Leave your Baby Sleeping in Her Car Seat While You Drink Coffee and Read 'Heat' Magazine' - it takes a lot of effort but I think you'll see results if you stick to my routine to the letter

CAM · 11/02/2003 12:24

Scummy, Batters and Enid

Rhubarb · 13/02/2003 15:10

My dd is having a bit of a regression and I just want a bit of advice. She is 2.6 yo and has been fully potted-trained for 6 months. Normally she is really good, she has a strong bladder so can go all morning without wanting a wee, but usually tells us straight away when she does want one. Then last week she started having 'poo-accidents'. She would be wanting a poo all day, with me constantly taking her to the toilet and back, and then she would do one in her pants. Then it progressed from there to wees. We will ask her if she wants a wee, and she says no. Even to the point where we are putting her on the toilet and she will say she doesn't want one. Then just 5 mins later she will wet herself.

I don't know if it could be a urine infection or just a phase. She knows it is naughty to wee her pants, but we try not to shout. However today I did shout as I had taken her up the toilet, she was adament she didn't want to go, so I went myself and she just weed in her pants. She gets upset, which is why I can't understand why she doesn't simply tell us!

We're going to London this weekend and I don't want her weeing in all her clothes, what do I do?

Scatterbrain · 14/02/2003 12:55

Rhubarb, sorry that no-one had any good advice for you !

My dd is just a bit younger than yours and I haven't had this experience yet - although she did have a poo accident last week - she didn't even seem to mind - so I put it down to tiredness and possibly her sickening for a cold.

Hope this phase soon passes for you - Maybe as you are going away it might be a good idea to get some pullups out ? I know you're not supposed to go back - but you don't want it spoiling your break. Good Luck

witch1 · 14/02/2003 15:01

Rhubarb -tried stars or rewards?
My ds is 2.4 and is out during the day. In order to avoid the inevitable accidents we literally dont ever ask him if he needs a wee or a poo (if I was him it would drive me nuts to be nagged the whole time) so we do wee when you get up wee before you leave the house wee when you arrive somewhere and wee whenever you return home. We always say wee first then nana or wee first then park or wee first then whatever it is he wants and he just seems to get on with it. If nothing comes out we dont say anything we just praise him for trying . His big sisters always comea and examine his productions and cheer him on which he loves so if you can rope any siblings in all the bettter. If it doesnt work try again in a few months . If you want use pull ups for situations where you dont want an accident.

As far as mother and mil goes I always agree with them wholeheartedly say what a goiod idea and then do my own thing - unless they live with you who cares what they think.

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