Behaviour Charts, do they work or not?

[Chiccadum]

My dd1 is going through a very wilful stage at the minute, she is very cheeky and will do anything to deliberately wake her sister up during the day, when I asked not to do something I get screamed at and shouted at or she will start banging her feet on the chair. I have now done a behaviour chart and when she gets a certain amount of stars she can have a treat. I really don't know what to do next. I showed the chart to my dh and I have told him he has got to stand by it with me and not no against anything, he says he will but he doesn't think that she is being naughty, what do men class as naughty.

I would like to know if anyone has used these behaviour charts and whether they had success or, if anyone has other ways of stopping this down right cheekiness.

I can't send her upstairs as all her toys are there and she loves going to bed and will just climb in bed and go to sleep so not really get any punishment.

I found them helpful, but they have to be stuck to, very strictly. IMHO they have to be quite specific as well, so not so much , 'You get a star for not being naughty', but more, 'You got a star today because you didn't have a tantrum'. The treats I used were quite small, and dd got a lot of fun out of the stickers we used. HTH

Keep it simple - that's the key to success. They work fantastically for my boys. You need to be very specific - for example last week ds1 got a star every morning if he got dressed within 10 minutes. ds2 got one if he walked home nicely from nursery at the end of the day.

They don't transform your children from monsters into angels overnight - but focussing on one or two things at a time can help everyone feel more positive about things, and realising that some progress is being made.

I agree that there has to be one or two very specific targets, then it can work...with some children. My eldest two are both basically eager to please and when we had any difficult behaviour re dressing, or eating up nicely, when they were younger, the prospect of stars and stickers helped. Ds2 is 3, and not interested at all. Just says 'I dont want a star' and even ' I don't want sweeties'. He is undistractable from the tantrum or issue of the moment.

Chiccadum, a star chart worked really well for me. The way I see it, you can try it and no harm done if it doesn't work, you can always try something else. Don't know how old your dd is though, charts seemed to be good for my ds from about 3 IIRC. We were quite firm with it though, I think he needed me to follow through - i.e not enough stars, no treat. I think this combined with ignoring bad behaviour (to an extent, I know you can't always, absolutely not sometimes, it needs dealing with) can work. Good luck!

chiccadum,

I found star charts worked particularly well for toilet training, and they are working well for dd1 now that she is 5 and full of her own ideas about how she wants to lead her own life, do her own thing etc.

Are you trying to rest too when your ds is trying to sleep? Perhaps she is trying to get your attention to play with her, or could you read her a story whilst the other is sleeping and then once that is finished it's her turn to colour in etc whilst you put your feet up?

Sticker charts worked well for me *must start them up again), when ds (3.25 yrs) got to 15 stickers he had something small like a 99p car, but when he filled the page 60 stickers he had a bigger gift puzzel or something. You do have to be strict thou, and they do try it on, at first you get the 'can i have a sticker' for everything that they do, but it is worth it and its a small price to pay for a well behaved child. good luck

Chiccadum, star charts are really good, but often only work in the short term. Try to be very specific, a star if she does what you ask without screaming at you, emphasising the positive aspect of what you want her to do, rather than what you don't want her to do. One thing, if she has earned a star or a treat it can't be with held for any subsequent bad behaviour.

Sending her upstairs to her room is a punishment because what you have done is withdrawn her from the rest of the family. Quiet reflection (although she won't know that's what it is) by herself, gives everyone a chance to calm down. It doesn't matter if she has things to do when she's up there - not being with everyone else is making it clear to her that her behaviour is unacceptable.