Is it just boys?

[M155PIGGY]

I'm at my whits end and do not know what to do next. I have 3 DS aged 18m / 4 / 5 and they are running wild and out of control. No matter what I try, be it softly softly or disciplinarian it does not matter. My house is a total wreck, all their christmas toys have been destroyed and the neighbours complain about the noise even though we live in a semi and next door are out at work all day. Anyone got any ideas how to regain some control?

Yes getting them out is the key but on a day like today where do you go without a car? Mine's in for it's MOT, the buggy is in the boot (didn't think ahead there!) so can't even walk out anywhere. Although it's soaking wet it's starting to brighten up so I might just chuck mine out in the garden anyway and let them get muddy....ahhh, just remembered wellies are also in the boot of my car. Hurrah.

how about barefoot, gobbledigook???

Thanks catilla. no need to duck on my account.

That said, I had my worst ever day I can remember yesterday, I wish I could say it was the end to a terrible fortnight, but there's still no end to is - ds2 is currently blanket-clad on sofa (changed that from settee to sound posher). No end in sight for me. Discipline isn't too much of an issue for me - but it's the niggly arguing gets on my tits. They normally get on excellently - me smug mum, but they've been cooped up so long & I've got no energy & feel terrible.

They go to bed & sleep no prob too, thank God.

The problem , or solution, is structuring the day & getting them out. We've got a playground right by our house & loads of other kids, but they just don't want to go out. If I kick them out they go out under protest & come back about half an hour later in tears. I have no energy or motivation at the best of times, but right now one at least of them is ill, so need to be at home for him.

So I'm trapped & loosing the will to live.......................

have no mitivation & the house is descending into chaos.

I love LA, but dh hates it & won't let me watch it. I think her discipline is great, wish I had the self conrol & patience to do it her way.

For me the turn around would be if I could motivate myself & get all the boys healthy.

I have 2DS [5 AND 9 months]and a DD [2.5] And believe me, girls can be just as dissruptive as boys. She is the violent one, and DS wont hit her back as we have brought him up not to hit girls! She completely dominates him and allthough he is no angel and is easily led she seems to put ideas into his head and he just follows her and is quite happy to do things he knows he shouldn't! I also find going out and letting them run riot helps but i do not drive so we are limited to the local park, friends houses etc and this is made worse by living in a flat[have no garden]! I can't say i really have any advice but the pasta jar is a great idea and will definetly try it. Please dont think it is only boys though!!!!!!!

Hi I am new to this board - only have one DS at the minute, he will be 5 on Monday and for the past few years he has been driving us all mad - both me and Hubby work full-time so he is looked after by his grandparents who also cannot control him - runs wild, shouts and doesn't listen to you - add to that he is a really picky eater - we have cut out sweets etc and he only gets a treat at weekends if he is good we tried to cut out all additives but he won't eat veg. or proper meat, apart from spuds and pickled beetroot so is living on spud, fish fingers, home made chips, bread and honey sandwiches he does eat alot of fruit though - sorry cannot help but would appreciate any advice - took him to doc last week as school have started complaining about his lack of concentration/behavioural problems, saying that he is not a bold child but cannot help what he is doing but it will take at least a year for an appointment for assessment but what do we do in the meantime - I am due my second in August!!!!!!Arggghhh

Anyone with advise if a star

I was told by my kid's doctor not to worry how much your kid eats, as long as you regularly (as in every couple of hours, not weeks1) provided them with good foo. ie no rubbish. as long as you provide good food it's up to them what they do with it. tbh if you are concerned I wouldn't even give the 'treats' at weekends.

maybe he'd eat more veg raw - you say he likes fruit?

re discipline have you tried the sticker chart or pasta jar - they work well for my ds's. have you tried omega fish oil - have heard they're good for concentration? Is he any different at w/e to during week? Does he get much outlet after school?

No other real suggestioins - if your worried he has something wrong like add or whatever, maybe try asking/posting on the special needs section, you might get more takers on specific things you can do to help in school/with doctors assesments etc good luck. like I said, my kids's problem is mainlky me not them. Can anypone sort me out???

It is definitely not only boy's who have behaviour problems!
I work in a primary school & we have as many problems with the girls as we do with the boy's!
In fact, in the class we had last year, all our problem kids were girl's!
I have 2 ds's & they are VERY different charactures.
My ds1 is very anxious, has never been a climber, very loving etc, but can drive me mad! Especially since starting school.
Ds2 is into everything, has already climbed out of his cot twice! (He is 2 next month),appears confident & very cheeky!
They could not be more different if they were opposite sexes!
In my opinion the childs behaviour differs with the individuals that they are, not on their gender.

BTW, we have just started a tick chart with ds1 & it seem's to be working wonders!

I know I shouldn't smile at all your posts but I have to admit feeling a whole lot better just from knowing I'm not the only one!!!!
Yesterday I dropped all 3 off at my m-i-l's house for 3 hours just to get a break but I spent the whole time wondering what to do as I was lost without the chaos - I can't win. When they're here they drive me mad and when they're gone they still drive me mad - aaaarrrrrggggghhhhh! When they came home they immediately started fighting again and that was the end of that, I never did get to relax!
I took them all out to see a magic show this morning and DS2 went mental and ran around screaming and disrupting everyone before jumping on top of DS1 who was sitting really nicely watching. They dissolved into a big fight with kicking and hitting - much to the disgust of the other mums - and while I went to separate them DS3 wandered off and managed to get outside into the carpark. Luckily someone grabbed him before he ran out into the road but I just sat and cried because I couldn't believe what was happening to me - what was I supposed to do? I felt as if all the mums who knew me from the school run or pre-school were whispering about me and the fact that I couldn't cope with my naughty children - what a bad mother I must be.

note to self; must-not-kill-children!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh yeah, I tried a similar thing to the pasta jar but with 5p's. It worked well for a couple of days but the jar got smashed when DS2 climbed up and got it off the top of the fridge freezer.

you are that one from dh aren't you???

my advice to you is let the stupid small minded people at pre-school talk. I hav 3 rugrats 18,13,2 its hard and the fact you havnt killed them is all to your credit.When its bad you just carnt see a way out,dont let small minded idiots get to you , they arnt perfect there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Red wine my ans,dont get the wrong imp in moderation.You hang in ther

?

Ernest thanks for the advice - we have tried sticker charts that is what he is on at school - the day is broken into 5 sections and he gets a smiley face if he is good and a sad face for bad - it is a way of letting us know how he is getting on so if he has a good week we like to trat him at the weekends - when I say treat I mean like dessert (custard and cake) after sunday dinner - never tried the pasta jar but might give it a go with his grandparents - he is not as bad at the weekends but then again he is an only child at the minute and he has both parents with him for attention at the weekend. I was told the that you couldn't give Omega 3 until they were five so I am off to boots at the weekend to but it and starting him on it this weekend.

I will check out the special needs section to see if there is any similarities.

Thanks again

God, it does help to know you're not alone, doesn't it! I have DSs of six and almost two and I always wonder if it is the age gap that's the problem. Both nice to spend time with separately, but together.....horrendous. The little one melts down in tears all the time and the older one winds him up (but also gets frustrated that he can't play properly with him).
Might try the wonderful pasta jar suggestion with the elder - he has a truly terrible temper and loses it really often. We've used star charts a lot with him. But the little one....who knows. Sometimes you feel what you give is never enough, you know? I always imagine other homes having this settled feel...unlike mine!

Aggghhhh! Oh my god am I worried now.....My absolute DS is only just one, and has started to climb already, and gentically speaking, am now destined to only boys...positive stuff anyone??? ????

Well, i'm having a slightly better day, even tho ds 2 is still poorly, in fact worse, and vomiting poor little soul. Anyway, like I said, I think my boys' problem is me . They are great. i (normally) love their boisterousness, they are mad, funny and full of fun in a way that i have not experienced with girls. they are sensitive but don't hold grudges, loyal, and need their mummies

I'm glad I have 3 boys, and if I have another child, hope for a 4th boy, although of course would be happy with whatever came along. Don't worry! Anyway, I don't think having one child of a particular gender means you're more likely to have the same, i think this is the case once you've had 3 or 4, but then, how many people these days have many more than that anyway?????

misstimms don't worry - sex of baby is determined by the father (X sperm = girl, Y sperm=boy), so whatever you have next time it won't be your fault!

i've got 2 ds's and expecting 3rd in april. found giving short explanations and lots of preparation of whats going to happen that day and whats about to happen can help. plus why we need to do things - sometimes found if i explain its tidy up time because we don't want to step on the train track and hurt our feet and break the track for example can help.
if they like thowing stuff can you get them lots of small foam balls or give them lots of water/sand play? instead of buying expensive activity tables buy 3 washing up bowls and identical coloured buckets/jugs/spades to alleviate fighting over the red one etc.
playdoh or even better get them to make their own bread ?
we"ve just bought a trampoline with safety net and found it brilliant for them letting off steam, they are on it twice a day for up to an hour so it gives me a breather.
saw an interview recently on phil and fern with a mum who had almost lost her voice and had to have an operation which meant she can only whisper - the positive thing to come out of it was she has 2 young children and she explained how it had had a dramatic effect on them and their behaviour, their volume in response to their mums whispering reduced and because she couldn't get angry they all found a calmer way of living together. i do keep trying to remember this one and have managed it for a few days (old habits die hard!).

Hi all. I am new here, and just been thro this thread with interest, and some giggles...!

I have 3 dd and 2 ds, in that order, ages 10, 9, 6, 4, 2. I have to say that I used to be a 'smug' mum when out with friends who had boys, before I had my own. My girls were, on the whole, quite angelic. I used to sit and watch them play nicely, while my friends boys ran riot, hitting each other, screaming and just generally being, well, boys!
I used to think it was down to discipline...or lack of! Then I had my first boy, and learnt my lesson....lol. He is just like all those little boys I used to watch....rowdy, active, LOUD, and I now have another boy joining in. It's so much fun...NOT!!!! I even apologized to all my friends for my previous thoughts, and they all laughed, and said it all served me right!...Meant in a nice way of course .
Just to make you all feel better...I (before kids), was a childrens nanny. I nannied for twin boys, who were also truly dreadful at times. At that time, i felt it was more down to the contrast in discipline between their mum and I. I now know it was the 'boyness' in them. They just couldn't help it really. Anyhoo...the point I am trying to make is, those twins are now 16, and couldn't be nicer lads. Soooo....however bad it is now, just continue being consistent, and things will pan out in the end......a glass of wine in the evening to help you chill out won't do any harm either.....lol.
Also....girls may be angels when they are smaller, but my 10yr old is currently indergoing huge hormone surges at the moment, and she is such hard work........snappy, obnoxious, rude to her siblings. Not all the time, there is still glimpses of the nice girl in there, but it is most definately not all sweetness and light... And I got to go thro this three times yet...

Hope this makes sense, and I also hope it helps you realise you are not alone...we all go thro this...and we all feel like screaming at times (Well, I do!!!) This won't be forever, and when they go to sleep, I'll bet you go and watch them and feel exactly like all other mums the world over....''awwwwww....I do love you, and I would never be without you, however hard you are''. I know I think that, every night!!

xx

I have one little monkey of 3 and half and another on the way, i have found the last few months he has being pushing boundaries getting very lippy and not really listening to anything i say,the only thing that works at the mo is the naughty step!! everytime he is rude or naughty he gets put on the step and believe it or not he stays on there the more he cries or messes the longer he stays on, lately after he comes off he does it again and just get put back on, but the only thing that seems to work at the mo, especially gets embarrassed if other people are around and seems to have more effect! he is currently trying to break out of the front door and thinks i dont know, he has has a big stick poking out behind his back and trying to look very innocent when i ask him what is going on!!!

Hi everybody! I'm new to this but thought I'd share my current experiences with my DS who has only just turned 4.

It seems everytime i collect him from nursery he has been getting into mischief and I'm just about at the end of my tether. For instance, on Friday I was pulled to one side by the teacher who told me that my DS nipped another little boy, when I asked my DS about it at home he told me that Xx had punched him in the face first, when I told the teacher about this yesterday (as it chewed me up all weekend) she said as far as she is aware Xx didn't do anything and she was only a few feet away from them. When I collected my DS from nursery yesterday afternoon, she said she had had a word with my DS to find out where in the nursery it happened, firstly he said it was in one place, secondly in another place and thirdly that Xx didn't do anything! I still feel inclined to believe that Xx did do something to my DS as he was very consistent with his versaion of events all weekend to several people. I also wonder why my DS was pressed on 3 occasions and wonder if he said something different each time because he felt he wasn't saying the right thing. Generally he is a good lad and hate to think he is being told off all the time, but it's getting to the point where I don't want to collect him from nursery

Hello , new to this decided to come on-line after a bad day with my 2 boys , have to say have laughed at reading some stories realised I am not alone!!
Need some advice on how to deal with my 4 year's behaviour when out . I will descibe yesterday.
Came out of school to be told he had pushed over his best friend.
Went shopping, at the till the 4 year old pulls across the barrier so one one else can use the till, I asked him to stop several times he refused, I did the count to 3 thing to stop he still refused, I ended up raising my voice and I then ended up trying to remove him from the till with him holding on to the till & him screaming the shop down and the whole of the store staring at us!!!
Get home and he wants to do his homework which he does he then breaks the pencil in half and says he doesnt know why,
Dinner - he refuses to eat his vegtables & I spend the whole time telling him to eat his dinner!!
Some times he can be so good and does such great things but when he switches into monkey mode he just will not listen to anything I say, I seem to spend my life saying 'if you do XX you are going to bed or I will take your toys away,.

I dont want to keep telling him off all the time, he doesnt seem to play up so much when we are at home (just the usual boy stuff) but when we are out its like he knows there's nothing I can do so he can play up as much as he likes

Any tips for me?

I'm so glad I found this site this evening. I too am at a loss as to what to do with my DS (he's 3). I also have another DS (5 months). DS1 has turned into horror child since turning 2. I love watching Little Angels because it does give me guidance but the guidance I need is when we are out of the home and with other children/adults. He needs constant watching when with other children as he pushes them over or hits them. I've witnessed him hitting another child over the head with a toy. When at activity centres he sits in the ball pits and throws balls at children coming down the slide. And today to top it off his pre-school pulled me to one side and said he had hit another child over the head with a wooden brick . This is not the first time there has been an incident at his pre-school. He's turns hyper when he's with other children. Our health visitor has been to see him in action and just keeps telling me he's a challenging 3 year old! ERRRRRR YESSS AND HOW THE HELL DO I DEAL WITH HIM when he's with other children and outside the home? (which they never seem to have an answer for!). There's no naughty step in a play area or at someone's house. He's a very bright child. He's great at supermarkets/out shopping generally. Doesn't really have tantrums, but generally his main problems is staying focused on things and playing nicely when several children are around him. ANYONE ELSE EXPERIENCED THIS?

My 3 year oldis exactly like this - i was pulled aside because of him pushing nd hitting other children at nursery - he's like it at toddlers group aswell - I've just been told to persevere with telling him off and explaining it's wrong to hit etc - my childminder even offered to sit in the nursery and 'see him in action' to see if he's really that bad but the nursery said no. I've got no advice for you but i do sympathise!

Strangely enough when shopping and stuff he's like a different child!

I wonder why your DS's nursery wont let your child minder sit in and watch him. With my DS's per-school parents/child minders/nan's and grandad's can help out and they do actually ask that a parent etc does help out at least one session per term. So far I have helped out on an outing to the museum, but haven't been brave enough to go and help out at an actual pre-school session for fear of him being a complete nightmare and me just wanting to curl up and cry. I might try and be brave and help in a couple of weeks to see how things go. It must just be when they are with other kids - they get too excited, want attention and perhaps get frustrated when they dont get as much attention from other kids as the adults and hence why they push/hit. I really haven't got an answer to it but I know it has completely upset me and like you tron he's very good around the supermarket/shops/at home etc. Perhaps someone will come up with a solution for us!!!