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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Wetting self at 4yrs old

25 replies

Essie · 16/02/2005 14:58

Hiya. My DS is just 4 and we have had a battle with keeping him dry during the days pretty much since we started. He got the hang of using the loo very quickly and He was dry at night long before we even decided to take nappies off during the day. We have tried all the tricks in the book. Sticker charts, sweeties, praise kisses and cuddles and lots of WOWs what a clever boy etc etc. They all work for a period of time, and then when you pull back on the treats things regress. He will go to the loo at home in just the nick of time there will inevitably be damp patch at the front of his trousers. At the playgroup they have said they ask him if he wants to go, he always says no, then wets himself minutes later. Since yesterday I thought it might be time to change tactics - instead of ignoring the accidents and praising the 'results' tell him, that he is a 'big boy' now and needs to start keeping himself dry like mummy and daddy and such and such whom he looks up to. And if he wets himself during the day I would take a Thunderbird toy away. Well it happened and I took them away. He was devestated. He stayed dry for the rest of the day and in the morning I gave them back for being dry. Then that lunch time he wet himself again, so I have taken them away again.......I just don't know which way to go with it. It is laziness. As I know he can go with bribes. Am just aware with School on the horizon this can't keep on. His little sister is dry during the day, we have another baby on the way in 3wks......and all I seem to be doing is washing pants and trousers to keep up with it!!!

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sophie10 · 16/02/2005 15:05

I will watch this thread because I have same problem with my DD, I thought it had solved its self when my Sisters Twins were potty trained but those Damp patches have returned and just like you nothing works stickers etc.

sophie10 · 16/02/2005 17:33

Can anyone help??

collision · 16/02/2005 17:38

Go back to removing things he likes as this seems to work. DS who is 3 in April started doing this and we took his Shrek torch away which he loves. No more poos in pants for a while. He was devastated and when he did a poo in the loo he got it back. Go with what works. I find ds to be very lazy with this at times and I can see him pushing a poo out and he still denies he needs the toilet.

Gwenick · 16/02/2005 17:41

collision - my DS does that same with his poos and he'll be 5 in September

sophie10 · 16/02/2005 17:43

Thanks will try that again my DD 3 in April. Am dreading playgroup.

sophie10 · 16/02/2005 18:54

Have taken her dolly and she is v sad feel guilty but she had just grinned at me and told me she had wet herself

bundle · 16/02/2005 18:56

essie, could be feeling a bit insecure re: new baby, can't post now as have to go, but sure someone else can offer advice

maisystar · 16/02/2005 19:23

i ended up putting ds back into pull ups at about 3 and 7 months. he didn't like them and 'accidents'stopped virtually straightaway(was definately lazyness!) i combined it with a star chart, for every wee he did and kept his pants dry he got a star, then at the end of the day he got 1 sweet (magic stars, buttons etc) for every star.

he is now 4 and 2 months and never has wee accidents(occasional poo one though!)

Original poster

Essie · 17/02/2005 15:18

Its such a hard one. The thing is I just don't know what works long term, He was doing so well today and then I was getting on with House work and up he trundles to the loo......with a huge wet patch. I tell him to take his clothes off and put them in the wash basket, do a wee and put clean clothes on, and he looks at me stunned as if he didn't even realise he was wet!!! He now can't have his thunderbirds till tomorrow........am feeling like a dragon! Poor child!

OP posts:

sophie10 · 17/02/2005 18:56

IKWYM DD trys to deny that she is wet, but we had better day today. Think that it was the threat of no dolls. Still it makes me wonder when it will end. I childmind a little girl who has just started school and she often has accidents, I don't think the teachers are amused.

Gumdrop · 15/03/2005 19:54

I just thought I'd resurrect this thread in case anyone else can help. My younger dd is nearly 5, has had 4 or 5 periods of time when she has been dry for a couple of weeks at a time, but other than that has been wet every day.

She is at school and they are being very patient with her, but I'm afraid I'm not, and I'm getting very close to the end of my tether. we have had a visit to a paed specialist and an ultrasound of her bladder and kidneys which identified that she is emptying it fully and there isn't a "structural" fault as far as the scan could tell - and miraculously (!!) this prompted one of the 2 week dry spells. But since then we have reverted back to 2 or 3 pairs of knickers a day.

We've tried star charts for dry days, ignoring the issue completely, removing treats/ toys for wet days, putting her back in pullups during the day, even trying to explain that it isn't very nice for the teacher to be dealing with this and the other people in her class will be laughing at her soon but nothing, NOTHING works.

It bothers me much more than it bothers her, and I love her to bits, but tbh it is starting to impact on the way I feel about her and I feel very very Weary.

bundle · 15/03/2005 19:55

gumdrop have you been in touch with ERIC?

Gumdrop · 15/03/2005 20:02

I hadn't directly, but I had a good look at their site. Tbh I would call them but I know I'd just cry and cry and come across as a complete over reacting hysterical wuss - and I know that's not a good reason not to call, and I'm sure they will have dealt with loads of parents in the same position,etc etc.

I guess I just need to bite the bullet and get in touch with them. Get a grip, woman. etc. But v v v stressed about this!

bundle · 15/03/2005 20:07

gumdrop i'm sure they'd be v understanding and really relate to how stressful you're finding this. but they can suggest all sorts of practical help (i got their catalogue - for work, not really for home as dd1 is almost dry at night now, she's 4.5) and they have all the research on what appears to work at their fingertips (drugs you can take eg if there's a deficiency in a hormone, for nighttime wetting if that's an issue in older children). please don't beat yourself up over this, do pick up the phone, x

Gumdrop · 15/03/2005 20:11

Thanks Bundle, I'll give them a call tomorrow.

bundle · 15/03/2005 20:12

brilliant, let us know how you get on

Gumdrop · 16/03/2005 11:39

Ok, phoned them. Cried

Very nice woman, very reassuring. Lots of children don't get staying dry sorted out until well past 5. Her main recommendation was to increase the amount of fluid dd drinks during the day to 6 to 8 200ml drinks a day. Although it seems a bit strange to do this, she explained that we are trying to increase bladder capacity and get clearer messages through that "now is the time to go".

She suggested reward charts for drinking, as this is something that is definitely within dds capability to control. If we do get a dry day, then perhaps an additional "reward", e.g. an extra sticker.

She suggested a couple of weeks of doing this, and if there was no improvement, then to try a watch that vibrates hourly and reminds dd to go to the loo.

And finally, she is sending me her catalogue, and there is a book on daytime wetting in there which I can order.

Bundle - thanks again for the push.

Gumdrop · 16/03/2005 11:40

ERIC - Education and Resources for Improving Childhood Continence

Tel 0117 960 3060 or www.eric.org.uk

bundle · 16/03/2005 11:45

oh gumdrop, i'm so pleased for you!

and it's brilliant that they had good suggestions and deadlines to aim for so you could try something else. awww i feel all happy that you got a good result! and crying is GOOD let it out!

bundle · 16/03/2005 11:51

will you leave it till easter hols to have a try at this? or just go for it?

Gumdrop · 17/03/2005 14:01

I think we'll leave it until Easter - then we can develop new school routine when she restarts. And frankly I think she probably needs a break from me focussing constantly on her wetting, so I'll just have to adopt light breezy voice, "Oh are you wet, then off you go and get changed" for a while.

Toots · 28/11/2006 22:11

Gumdrop - are you still around? What's happening with your dd?

This is exactly what's happening with dd who's 5. Sure she doesn't drink enough so am going to boost that lots. It's really getting to me at the moment

Toots · 29/11/2006 09:44

Gumdrop or anyone with this experience. So looking for the light at the end of the tunnel!

webmum · 09/02/2007 10:56

I'm bumping this thread in hope someone else has any advice. i've got the same problem, I'd love to hear from gumdrop. did ou get an results?

poppiesinaline · 09/02/2007 11:59

No advice, sorry, but I had the same with my DS1. I tried literally everything and nothing worked I even eventually took him to the GP to make sure everything was working as it should. It was.

In the end I just completely ignored it (nothing else worked anyway) and just kept on washing and washing.

He eventually stopped on his own accord at the age of 8.
I think he realised that he smelt and was at school.

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