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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Can a (nearly) 9 month old be "spoilt" with cuddles or am I making a rod for own back?

41 replies

2luvlyboys · 09/08/2008 20:32

Personally I really don't think I am. However this afternoon I was at my parents house. DS2 had been really happy playing most the afternoon playing. He'd only had a short nap today so was getting tired. Anyway he suddenly put his arms up and started to cry. At this point I said "whats the matter sweetheart" and picked him up and cuddled him. He was fine then - snuggled his head against mine with his thumb in his mouth. My dad made a comment when I picked him up asking if I do this everytime he cries. I do as it happens unless he cries at a time when I really can't ie if I'm in the bathroom etc etc. Anyway he then said that I am making a rod for my own back. I said nonsense you can't spoil a baby with cuddles. He said ofcourse you can you cuddle them on your terms/choosing and not when they decide or you'll be storing up all sorts of problems. This was confirmed in his eyes when I handed him over to my mum and he started to cry again. This is unusual as he spends alot of time with my mum and he have a strong bond however he only wanted me.
Very surprised even at his comment as he never held back with cuddles etc with me or my brother. Although obviously I can't remember how he was when I was a baby!! He is also a very loving grandfather to all his grandchildren. However is he right? Am I making a rod for my own back? Can you spoil a baby with too many cuddles? Over to you what do you think?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

constancereader · 09/08/2008 20:33

He is wrong and you are right.

lazaroulovespastries · 09/08/2008 20:34

Oh the old 'you're making a rod for your own back' shite.
No he is talking bollocks. Feel better now.

TeeBee · 09/08/2008 20:34

He is very very wrong, and you are very very right.

PussinJimmyChoos · 09/08/2008 20:35

You can never spoil a child with too many cuddles - they need them to feel loved and secure and when they feel secure, they are less clingy!

beansprout · 09/08/2008 20:36

No, you can't cuddle a child of any age too much IMHO. How can you ration love and affection? What does that achieve?!!

warthog · 09/08/2008 20:36

imagine not cuddling a child who wants to be! i always want to cuddle dd more than she wants to cuddle me! i consider it a privilege.

hughjarssss · 09/08/2008 20:36

cuddle cuddle cuddle and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for doing so

charchargabor · 09/08/2008 20:36

Rubbish! Babies are made for cuddling, and this snuggly stage is so short that you should make the most of it! DD has just turned one, and has gone from needing to be held for most of the day to pushing me away so she can practise walking I really wouldn't worry, you don't hear of adults being carried everywhere by their mums, do you?

PussinJimmyChoos · 09/08/2008 20:37

Reminds me, I heard of one woman with a baby barely 4 months old who won't fall asleep unless she's cuddled to sleep and she's refusing to do it as 'doesn't want to make a rod for her own back'

ffs!!

Ceolas · 09/08/2008 20:37

After 4 children, my back is quite used to the rod. I'm with you

umberella · 09/08/2008 20:38

I effing hate that expression.

A bloody supermarket worker had the cheek to say it to me when dd was about six weeks old and I almost decked her. smug old bat.

WheresTheAuPair · 09/08/2008 20:39

Sounds like my FIL. he still maintains that DS is 'spoilt' because I give him loads of cuddles

warthog · 09/08/2008 20:40

every thing i've ever done that was supposed to be 'a rod for back' has turned out not to be at all. quite the contrary.

lazaroulovespastries · 09/08/2008 20:41

A nurse said it to me when ds1 was only two weeks old and in hospital on a drip.

fishie · 09/08/2008 20:46

of course rod thing is a load of shit.

but maybe your dad is worried about something else OP? perhaps if you told him how this had made you feel he would be horrified.

BigBadMousey · 09/08/2008 20:46

I am apparently making a rod for my own back with DC3. He is our last and I know they aren't babies for long so I shall be 'spoiling' him for as long as poss.

Anyway - it's YOUR back (and he is wrong - as you already knew )

HonoriaGlossop · 09/08/2008 20:46

lazarou

2luvlyboys your dad is talking drivelling drooling rummy-rubbish.

HonoriaGlossop · 09/08/2008 20:47

that should be Tummy rubbish

He's made me so cross I can't type

WilfSell · 09/08/2008 20:49

Of course he is wrong and you know it.

They're tiny such a short time: perhaps he's channelling his own sadness at having a littley-shaped hole in his arms these days?

mogthecat · 09/08/2008 20:57

rule number one never ever listn to anyone that says

rod for your own back

your soo right hes so wrong.

enjoy your baby and cuddle him as much as poss as he will soon be running away!

ChirpyGirl · 09/08/2008 21:03

ugh, of course he is talking shite!

I got the 'rod for your own back' comment from MIL when I picked DD1 up at 24 hours old.

I replied that she was my child and it was my back and to mind her own business and thanks to blaming pregnancy hormones, I not only got away with snarling at her but she has never said it since.

Original poster

2luvlyboys · 09/08/2008 21:03

I know it won't last forever only tonight I carried ds1 up the stairs (he had fallen asleep in the car) and placed him in his bed. He had woken up half way up the stairs. I said have you got a kiss for mummy? No he said and promptly turned over! Ds1 is 2.11!

OP posts:

ILikeYourSleeves · 09/08/2008 21:04

You can't spoil your baby with cuddles! I have a 9 month old DS and my fave thing is cuddles and kisses! They are only babies for a tiny amount of time and before you know they will be telling you to stop kissing them in front of their friends so keep doing it I regret not having more snuggles with DS when he was teeny tiny as my HV said to not let him get used to it so I tried to put him to sleep in his cot and not me well about 2 times out of 10 LOL.

It's great for develping a secure attachment to you and therefore to build on their self esteem and confidence so your dad is talking rubbish!

TeacherSaysSo · 09/08/2008 21:06

chirpy. Just think of all those emotionally repressed older public school generation. That's what you get when you don't love and cuddle!!!

Celery · 09/08/2008 21:07

Not all babies even want to be cuddled, so if you get a cuddly one, thank your lucky stars and make the most of it!

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