How to deal with DD kicking/hitting other children.

[micegg]

DD is nearly 3 and normally very kind and rarely hits out. However, she has suddenly started being quite violent towards other children and I am struggling to deal with it. It only happens in playgroup situations rather than when friends visit with their children. Today for example she was on a bouncy castle with some other kids. She pushed one girl off, kicked some other kids and was generally very pushy. I intervened each time but eventually took her home (had only been there 10 minutes).She screamed her head off and I told her why we were going. I also have a 3 month old baby so I think it maybe her way of getting my attention. I feel so awful when it happens, I cried on the playgroup leader today . Anyone been through this and come out the other side? I thought the best thing is to keep going to the playgroups but remove her each time she does this. Sound OK or should I just miss playgroups at the moment?

O god, lots of sympathy - my DS1 (2.5) is a bugger for pushing, and has sent other kids flying. Not at all coincidentally, it had been getting a lot better and then got a lot worse once DS2 (0.5) arrived! It is a nightmare, and I too have blubbed all over people at playgroup, which is where it seems to be worst by a quite considerable margin.

I have been trying mostly to ignore or if not possible (I think at a playgroup you really have to be seen to be doing 'something' about it) just saying "No pushing" and taking him off to do something else.

It has been improving, but he is currently v grouchy with the after-effects of chickenpox and so sent a little girl flying in the park today (he's no longer contagious, btw!)

I am v thankful that all our playgroups are now shut for the summer hols, as I was really having a dilemma as to whether or not to keep going. I am hoping that if he seems OK in September, we can start going again - and I will be able to put DS2 down on the floor by then as he is now sitting unaided, and maybe give DS1 a bit more attention or intervene pre-emptively. I do get a bit of all the other mums being able to sit around chatting and drinking tea, though, while I shadow DS1 around...

I would be inclined to keep going and just keep reiterating the no hitting thing, and reinforce with as much positive attention as you can manage with a tiny baby in tow.

They tell me it does end...

my DS (almost 3) started doing this (although it was hitting not pushing) at nursery. i had a very serious chat with him and told him that if he did it again then he would have to come home immediately.

i also said to him that if he carried on no-one would want to be friends with him and he would have no-one to play with. and that he wouldnt be able to go to nursery anymore.

i had the chat at a time when he was calm and happy.

it worked, no idea if it was a coincidence but he has never done it since. (fingers crossed).

Thanks so much. Just glad its not just me. Other people can make you feel awful. I took DD to the park earlier and she was fine. I think I will take her to playgroup again tomorrow and take her straight home if she does it even once. So hard when you have more then one as I cant exactly just plonk my 3 month old in a chair with a room full of toddlers.

It's really hard when you have to factor in a baby, isn't it.

I'd be interested to know how the warning then going home works for you (if you have to implement it, of course - you may not need to!) because if I have ever threatened DS1 with going home, he says "Want to go home!" so I am left feeling a bit stumped!

Hi, I went through this exact same thing with my three year old when her little sister was born. It was an absolute nightmare, but they do grow out of it! We dealt with it by stating to her as we went into these places that if she hit or kicked another child then I would take her straight home. And I did, she had the warning as we entered and left as soon as she did it. Once we were at soft play for the whole of 5 minutes. But, she did learn (although we did have a few tantrums along the way). Even now (at almost 5) she will still say if she hits or kicks another child she has to go home. She's not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination, but now she only really hits out in retalliation if someone is horrible to her (whereas before she was often the instigator), so now if she does she will get a warning the first time and taken home if she does it again (very rare these days). HTH

"if I have ever threatened DS1 with going home, he says "Want to go home!" so I am left feeling a bit stumped! "

I was afraid of this but she went nuts when I took her home today. I have never done this before. Someone suggested today that she may be bored. I have noticed that she is one of the older children at these places now. However, she still asks to go. Elkat - I will do as you suggest and give her the warning on the way in. I will also only order coffee once she is playing as I never got to drink the one I had today as we left after 10 minutes!