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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

What age did you start diciplining your children?

17 replies

maidezmoi · 02/08/2008 21:20

I ask because my sisters dd is 20 months old and is out of control. He throws relentless tantrums, destroys everything in his path, attacks his mother etc.

My issue with this is one of safety. The other day in my car he persisted in trying to open the door from the inside and did not make any response to his mothers (very gentle) and repeated "no"'s.
Her response to his behaviour is to constantly try to distract him.

Is it to early for her to be putting in place some form of dicipline?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

bubblepop · 02/08/2008 21:26

is this a wind up?

Original poster

maidezmoi · 02/08/2008 21:30

No, it's not.

OP posts:

noonki · 02/08/2008 21:30

she should ignore the bad and play up the good at that age

it tends to be the more you say no the more they do it -

they are still very young at that age

Original poster

maidezmoi · 02/08/2008 21:31

Thanks Noonki, the "no it's not" was a response to Bubble.
It's something I was curious about

OP posts:

Original poster

maidezmoi · 02/08/2008 21:31

Why do you think it's a wind-up?

OP posts:

paolosgirl · 02/08/2008 21:33

No - at 20 months they can have a minute on the time out spot. Great that you're concerned for her

noonki · 02/08/2008 21:34

I remember thinking before mine hit that age that my sister should have been trying to curb my nephews behaviour - he constantly hit my baby son -

now I look back and realise how hard it is to get a toddler to do anything -

I'm not saying don't do anything just that less is more!

Hecate · 02/08/2008 21:35

From birth.

Seriously. I did.

When ds1 bit my nipple, I removed him from the breast. He learned that biting interrupted dinner. unacceptable action + instant consequence = discipline.

When he was a bit older, unacceptable behaviour might mean a minute in the playpen - removed from whatever, interrupted the behaviour.....discipline.

Older still and massive tantrums. He hated the sound of the hoover so, yup, hoover on. discipline.

Also constant love and praise of course, don't get the wrong idea

You have a very narrow 'window' in which to lay the foundations, imo. Miss it and you are screwed!

SilkCutMama · 02/08/2008 21:35

Started discupline at about (can't really remember) 8/9 months???

Thank goodness I did otherwise my ds would have been wild

He has taken some taming but I am quite strict

I was brought up by a very strict Mother and it seems to have paid off with him - he is (overall - although he has his moments!!) a delight

constancereader · 02/08/2008 21:44

Well - I don't just let my 19m ds do exactly what he wants. But I wouldn't describe it as disciplining. For instance, if he takes another child's toy I give it back to them and explain that he shouldn't take toys. Violent behavior would mean that he would be removed from the situation and told no.

I see it as helping to socialise him. And not as a punitive thing, he is too young for that.

noonki · 02/08/2008 21:48

I agree - saying no - with no explanation is pointless

Original poster

maidezmoi · 02/08/2008 21:56

Thank you for all your interesting responses.

Just to confirm I have no intention of interfering in my sisters child-rearing I just dont want my baby to turn out to be so wild

On another note, Hecate (I looked at your profile with regard to your children). My sisters child who I was refering to does not make ANY eye contact with me or any other member of the family. He's also still not talking and will physically turn away if other children come near him to play. Could this be some mild form of aspergers do you think or am I over-reacting?

OP posts:

ten10 · 02/08/2008 22:03

i suppose it depends what you mean by discipline

I have been telling my DS not to do things, using the same phrase, repeating myself, sounding like I mean it and removing him from the object since he was 9 (ish) months

But I try not to use "no" too much

so for example saying "you do not touch the television" and then picking him up and moving him back from it.
It took a good month or so of this but (fingers crossed) he has got the idea and doesn't touch it anymore.

JodieG1 · 02/08/2008 22:03

I don't any real discipline at 20 months is useful. Anything you read about child development says they are far too young to be able to control their impulsivness. They may well understand what you are saying but that doesn't mean they can control their response.

It's about development in their brain imo and it's all about age appropriate behaviour. At that age it's normal and you just removed from situation and try to explain, knowing that it will click at some point.

I have 3 dc's and my ds2 is a handful but he's 18 months and into everything. He cannot make the complex choices needed to be able to know if he should throw a toy or not.

Also remember that all children develop at different ages but there are general scientific guidelines. My dd is very well behaved and we treated them all the same, ds1 is good but has his moments and as he's getting older he's learning more about how what he does affects others.

Just my opinion and I'm very much a believer of attachment parenting too.

HonoriaGlossop · 02/08/2008 22:16

agree with constance that at this age what is appropriate is helping to socialise, and not in a punitive way. You're teaching them, not 'disciplining' them. I don't think you can go wrong with that approach.

And re your sister's child I don't think you can judge; just be supportive to her, so she can talk to you about any concerns she has, if she has any.

Original poster

maidezmoi · 02/08/2008 22:24

Like I said Honoria, I have no interest in interfering in her parenting.

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Hecate · 03/08/2008 17:31

I don't know, Maid . no eye contact, out of control tantrums, turning away from social interaction, unresponsive to parental input...maybe, maybe not. describes both autistic child and bogstandard toddler-in-a-mood!

If there are any concerns it is always a good idea to request someone takes a look. Because with asd, early intervention is crucial, any warning signs should mean a trip straight to the gp for a referral. Better to be told there is nothing to worry about than to leave it for a year or more because "children develop differently, it's a phase, etc etc etc" It may well be, probably is, but if it's not a phase then that time wasted could have made a world of difference.

There are as many ways to have asd as there are people with asd, iyswim, so it's really hard, you can't, for example, say X child lines up their toys so they have autism (if only twas that simple! ), but a good guide is the triad of impairments. That is, difficulty in 3 key areas - communication, social interaction and imagination.

If you do want to know more, you can start here

more here

endless resources really!

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