How often do your kids have friends over to play?

[PollyFlinders]

DS is nearly 3 and today had quite an unruly friend over today - fiddling with the disc drive in the computer, standing on the sofa, banging the walls, stomping on CDs etc. His mum didn't do much to discipline him, even when I had to repeatedly reprimand him.

DP said maybe we should childproof the house more, but I'm thinking that as DS has enough contact with other kids at soft play and music group, I'd rather keep these sort of arrangements to the weekends (maybe invite the whole family around for lunch, the kids play together, and we can both make sure that our stuff doesn't get ruined)?

Is this feasible? I'm not against visitors, I love having guests, but not when I feel like I'm providing a babysitting service for a parent who doesn't seem to respect my feelings.

My parents were both quite reclusive, and I fear that I might be turning into them. Then again the feeling that my house is turned into a stomping ground for other people's kids turns me cold.

Someone's going to tell me to toughen up aren't they?

It does get easier as they get a bit older. The over 4s make far better guests IMO. Politer, eat better, less likely to trash the house.

tbh with 4 of my own, we dont very often have friends over, but if one of mine goes out to someone elses house, then usually will invite one of my other dcs friends over. but this is only as they are bit older now. i sometimes look after a friends LO when shes got to go somewhere and he is 2, but same age as my dd and they play together well.

My ds and dd are 3 and 23months. Dh (sahd)has never had children over to play with them. They play with other children at playgroup and church.

It's your house and you don't have to have other children round (just don't expect people to invite your ds to their houses!)

Just don't have that kid over again - unless it's nice and they can play outside or you could meet in the park?

for me, meeting up with other children is the only way to stay sane on my day off, and our house isn't childproof..... i am aware that my social circle as an adult is not huge and am determined that kids shoulnd't be the same - even more so now that ds is in preschool.

I think that it is really good to have other children over to your house-you just seem to have had bad luck with the one you chose!
Try again with someone else.
There was a long thread about childproofing your home and a lot of people think it stifles creativity if you prevent children from exploring their environment!This appears to mean they are free to jump on sofas, take books out of bookcases etc. I should try and get a parent who believes that children should be taught at an early age to respect other people's property and feelings.
You could start on a day with a good weather forecast and sit in the garden.

playdates are entirely optional IMO and something to do if you like it and enjoy it

Your child is getting social time elsewhere and TBH until they are school age many playdates with peers are just a trial to the child anyway....then when they're school age they get all day with other kids so playdates are even more un-necessary

Why not try meeting at the park instead of at your house - the kids are usually happier out anyway and at least you don't have to worry about your house being ransacked.

We have a rota of playdates and we take turns hosting. Kids tend to get used to houses what is off limits. I had a new neighbour round the other day and they did rather trash the house (and I am pretty chilled - don't mind bouncing on sofas at all). I'm actually wondering how I can reassure the mum who did seem a buit mortified (although she did nothing at all to intervene) that we would actually like to meet up again. I guess next time, I would take a few extra precautions - but if it went really tits up again I might suggest we just go to the park in future!

Does your child like playdates and do they wnat to see this friend? My very quiet dd has been asking after this rumbunctious boy - and actually i think some rumbunctious company is good for her sometimes. Of course there are limits for all of us.

I have to say I never did playdates until the end of reception.
I really don't find other people's toddlers all that much fun to be with and felt that I had enough on with my children - don't see the point of playdates that require lots of input from you. It's great once they're old enough to play together nicely without having to involve you - not something you can expect from a child under 5 or 6 really.

I might try it with a few other children then first, maybe it was just a bad experience.

I read the other thread earlier in the week about bouncing on sofas. I'm honestly not obsessed about my house or anything, but when I think back this was a particularly bad morning. DH reckons the other mum comes round as she has a break herself and forgets to discipline her DS as much. He was picking up books and throwing them all around and she did nothing. (NB: I do confess to being OBSESSIVE about my book collection though).

In all honestly, I'd rather she didn't come round and we met for coffees or in the park, but she kind of forces herself upon me and I feel that I should be encouraging friendships for DS.

we're a group of 6 mothers. we take turns for the tues coffee morning at each others huse as we were fed up getting ripped off to go to expensive soft play that were manky.

this way my house gets trashed 1 tuesday in every 6 weeks.

I think at 3 it's not unreasonable to expect kids not to throw the books around (we used to have this problem when they were say, 18 months). I have some friends where bouncing is strictly not allowed and dd understands that that's the rule sometimes.

Doesn't bode well that you feel she forces herself on you - sounds like she's really not picking up on cues at all. That would bother me - think I would push for the park. There is a limit to how friendly you can be with someone who isn't a natural friend just so your dc can play with their dc. I actually quite like rumbunctious boy's mother so I'm more prepared to persevere.

My DS (3.6) adores playing with other children and his first words through his mouth when he gets home is 'mummy who is home to play with' Luckily I have made friends with children whose parents have the same values as mine (eg its not a show home but there are limits) and also I agree with them at the outset that whoever is there and sees a misdemeanor can deal with it regardless of whose offspring it is. I would def suggest trying again with someone else

The other thing I would say is done right playdates work cos you double the kids and half the workload

Acinonyx, the thing about books, maybe it's because I've drilled it into DS so much that the bookshelf is out of bounds and he doesn't touch them that it got to me so much. There was a comment on the other thread about "you might be able to do that in your house, but not in mine" and I hate the way it sounds, but it was what I thought!!!

It does feel that she doesn't pick up on my cues - I've suggested going to her house but she always has an excuse why we don't. DH said it's a clever parenting technique to keep her own house tidy! (Can you tell I was bending his ear about this last night? That's why I came on here to sound off).

Sounds like she's desperate to get out of her own house and have some company, a change of scene and let her dc bother someone else for a change. Understandable - but it's got to be tit-for-tat with return matches. Not fair otherwise. Now and again we collectively have a week where no-one is up for hosting so we go to a soft play.

My own dd is an extremely gentle child (just her nature) so I have had to get used to other children trashing my unchildproofed house to some extent. I think I might have a 3 strikes approach - if it's still unbearable after 3 visits that's it - no more hosting.