where can i find a specialist re one year old ignoring his mum

[bumbly]

my little one's ignoring of me really worsening and i don't think it is a phase

it is making life difficult now as am resenting him and feel well if you do't bother with me at all - and i mean at all

so before the mumsnet police critise me

think of handling a baby who clearly does not want to be with you in any circustance then that is me

anywya need help and my gp has always been crap - anyone else had specilaist help over this?

Is he one nearly two or just one?

Leave the housework for a couple of days and spend time playing with him. It will keep. In the long term I think perhaps you need to get your dh to help out more so that you can spend time being a Mum as well as a housekeeper.

My dd went through phases of being Daddy obsessed, the phases could last for weeks. IMO it's all part of how they develop relationships.

Are you a SAHM? I ask because I think that it would be easy for the children of SAHP's to see the parent who is always at home as part of the woodwork and the parent who comes home in the evening as a novelty to be lavished with attention - does that make any sense at all? Also your dh needs to get involved with the less fun side of parenting so that your ds doesn't just associate that with you.

wrt the health visitor being crap - I would find another HV or change your GP surgery so you can find health professionals you are happy with.

I think if you are worried you should seek professional help. Ask your GP for a referral for your local CAMHS. (Child and Adolescent mental health Service) There will (should be) a team including a child psychiatrist (can investigate any developmental issues / liase with paediatrician if physical concerns) as well as psychotherapists / play therapists and family therapists that can look at any attachment / bonding issues. Ifyou go to your GP with a list of concerns and ask for specific referral they shouldn't deny you. Good luck.

I would say that he's testing the boundaries with other adults because he KNOWS his mummy loves him, and therefore takes you for granted. I bet when he's ill, he'll want you.

Both of mine went through this stage sometime before 18 mths (DS is still doing it to some extent!)

I think on the whole this is normally behaviour for some children (including mine) but what is worrying is how down you feel at the moment about this situation.

My DD is very like you describe your son's behaviour, especially when she was a year old (now nearer 2)

She would be very upset, angry with me when she was having a bad day but sweetness and light the moment daddy came home.

She also did/does spend all outings playing/hugging other children and adults. I spent 2 hours at a mother and toddler group this morning and she came to me twice to check I was still there and spent the rest of the time being carried around by other mothers, on their knees etc.

Difference being is that I don't see it as a problem. She is ultra sure of my love for her, so she knows that she can behaviour horribly and I will still love her, where as she is on best behaviour with other people.

Oh yes, when she was ill with a horrible tummy bug around 16 months, she clung to me vommitting...lovely. But it showed that underneath how very bonded we really are.

What you describe was my experience too. I remember sobbing to DH about it many times. I do second ignoring the chores and just playing a bit, but it does change. Fortunately ( i use the word loosely) DS was ill quite a lot, and it was always me who was there for him, and then he'd respond to me. It helped me no end, but obv wasn't great for him.

If you are worried I do say speak to your HV and press to speakn to someone else. If you don't trust your HV then whatever she/he says won't help. Is there another in the area you can try?

Hi Bumbly

Have seen some of your other threads so know that there is a history to what you are saying. What you are asking for makes sense, as you perceive there to be a problem - though its possible that your ds's behaviour is not as meaningful in relation to you as it you think it is.

Unfortunately there are only a very few services in the country where people are trained to help with this kind of situation. Most health visitors will have no specific training in this area - it isn't part of their core training. A paediatrician would be able to reassure you about your babies development, but not on the relationship between the two of you. CAMHS is generally not for children under 5, although this differs according to areas. Again, most child psychiatrists would not work in this area unless they had received additional training.

Can i ask in which part of the country do you live? A few areas do have services. In general if these exist you should be able to access through sure start.