3 yo eating habits / meal time dramas (and why is there no separate MN topic for this, surely I can't be the only one with a rubbish eater..???)

[damadilemma]

any advice for how to deal? DS is picky, eats a very limited range of things, won't try new things and gets difficult at meal times - all very normal I think. But the tricky bit is how to deal with it so that it 1. doesn't escalate into tantrums all round

1. doesn't negatively affect his food associations
2. means that he's eating enough of the right stuff
3. doesn't influence DD (6mo and a fab eater) too badly
4. doesn't create a DD good, DS bad thing around eating.

Thanks!!

Sorry DD came inand was nosing - basically my message is to stop worrying and just try and introduce things gradually but if they are refused don't force the point and make it into a huge issue or you will find that any kind of eating just becomes a fraught experiebnce and he will regress not get better.

There is hope!! DD was a fussy eater from about 10mths inspite of DH and I being real foodies, all eating together, etc, etc. The only veg she touched was sweetcorn (nutritional value suspect) and oven-roasted tomatoes (poncey child!!) and all fruit in its natural state was the food of the devil. What helped us over the years (she is now 5.6) was:

1. A star chart for trying new foods (really worked well to increase the range of things she would eat)
2. Fruit smoothies at breakfast which she loved (then I was less stressed about getting fruit/veg into her during the day)
3. Presenting her with new things repeatedly, usually on her plate with something she would eat
4. 'Green Eggs and Ham' Dr Suess because after all the fuss he does eat it and finds that he likes it - STILL quoted at meals times in our house!
5. Patience and lots of it (but God it was hard at times!)

She eventually declared when she was 3.10 that she would eat things when she was 4. We left her to it, didn't mention it again and blow me from just before her birthday she started trying vegetables and then fruit. She now eats pretty well though will still try it on occasionally (which is ignored)
All we need to do now is get DS (2.8) to eat fruit as he is EXACTLY the same as DD was though eats much better overall - from fruit-loving fiends such as DH and I we have no idea how we have produced such children but at least we know it will probably sort itself out in the end.

HTH

I do the same as you SofiaAmes (after trying a lot of things with my first). It is so important to keep the drama, control,discussion and emotion out of mealtimes. Try and keep calm and matter of fact, you can say all the sensible things but a child is very astute at picking up body language and they things that you don't say.

Quinne, you sound just like me I have tried everything you have said to try to get DS2 (5.6) to eat a more varied diet. Now we are onto the star chart for trying new things.

He has however in the past week or so decided that if he doesn't want something (that he has alreadyy eaten very happily) he will cry and make a very loud noise. This is when I have zero tolerance. I ask him to stop making the noise and if he won't he goes to sit on the stairs until he decides he can stop. Then I say to him very plainly that he can come back in and join the meal if he decides to eat nicely without any fuss. It sometimes takes a few goes, but it does work eventually. I have to stress I only do this with things I know he likes. For example, Sunday roast, he loves Roast potatoes and will eat parsnips and chicken. He knows full well that he will only get more roast potatoes if he eats his chicken and parsnips but has decided that he can kick up a fuss about this. After 2 sessions on the stairs on Sunday (no shouting from DH or I) he ate his chicken and parsnips and recieved more potatoes.

I can't have him being fussy about things he aleay eats!

Twinkle1, how did you manage to see a dietician? Did you go privately or did the doctor refer you? I might try taking him to the doctor as he does respond to things like that and if she as a doctor is telling him he needs to try more foods to be healthy he may well take that on board.

i agree that picky eaters needs its only place here! i worry about how ds is going to cope with going to primary school in sept. and the different food on the school lunches!

the other thing I should have said is that I have said "but its good for you" so often that my children now equate good for you = yucky and bad for you = yummy. So that's a mistake to avoid!

Other parents beign judgemental - up been there. The worst of it is they think I'm lettign my son eat badly for just one day and the reality its his whole life!

My DD is quite picky and fussy. What bothers her personally are:

• portions too big
• food mixed together
• flavoursome sauces, especially if tomato-based
• red meat

Her idea of a perfect meal would be lots of different bowls with chopped up veg, meat, cheese, fruit, plain pasta etc that she can help herself from.

So many people just say "give them whatever you're eating, all eat together, expect them to finish it - that's all I did and they're fine". It just doesn't work for some children. The other day I did roast lamb. She tried it, said she didn't like it, but ate extra of the potatoes and veg. Fine. I'm not going to sit there and calmly say I expect her to eat the lamb, she doesn't like it! But that doesn't mean I won't ever cook it again as tastes change.

With regard to school dinners - I HAVE insisted on them otherwise she'd eat the same food every day. As a result, she now loves tomatoes, lettuce, meatballs, gammon, and countless other things she previously refused to touch. Peer pressure can be a good thing!

So my tips are: work with what they like but continue to offer new things as well. We have a rule that they must at least TRY it. If they don't like it, fine. But this was agreed after a discussion and away from the dinner table. Stay calm. Make yourself take a step back and look at your child - is he happy, bright-eyed, energetic? If so, he's doing fine. Don't compare children as it doesn't make any difference to the picky eater's eating habits, just annoys them! Keep the portion size small, even better, let them choose their own portion and bite your tongue when it is teeny-tiny

I saw a TV programme once where a child specialist explained that from the age of 2 onwards children need less nutrition than they do until that time so they cut back which makes parents anxious. Also they avoid green things because they have an innate sense that green means poison (think mouldy meat). I think it was the man on "child of our times" who said it.
Anyway it made sense to me and eased my sense of failure a little.

Reading this thread has reminded me of a course I went on (in a previous life, before children, when I earned money!)

One of the speakers was the peychologist who was featured on that tv program recently ('my child won't eat'?).

This is dredging from my memory: She said that there is a crucial time until the first year to get your child to try a range of flavours and textures, which s'one above mentioned as her experience.

Also, many children at a certain age insist on having food separately as some preferred food can be 'contaminated' by non-preferred foods (my ds will eat certain foods touched by ketchup, but refuses to eat veg that has been in contact). The green food phenomenon was also mentioned i.e. children disliking green foods as an inate thing because they could be 'poison'.

She also said, that at about 5-6yrs old, many children with 'eating difficulties' improve because of peer pressure. i.e. they are going for tea to friends houses, having school dinners and begin to accept trying new foods.

I'm sure she said a lot more and may actually be able to find my notes one day when I sort out all the clutter in my house. Just thought the bits I remember may give some of you hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

My own exprience is that my 6yr old is just now beginning to try previously hated foods and actually has asked to try something new each week! (mainly, I think, because he wants a star chart to get more toys!) He understands much more about 'healthy foods' and what will make him grow strong(and run faster!)

Have strength all you mnetters out there

Sorry for ramble...

I try to be totally relaxed about food ds was a brill baby ate anything and everything, but when he reached about 2 he started to want things seperate i.e. pasta with no sauce or just a bit of cheese sauce but no veg mixed in, veg seperate on the side etc. Lunch, picnic style selection of all the food i knew he would eat. fortunately I was aware of the 'seperate' phenomenon from my sisters kids so never did worry about that.

The one meal he eats consistently well is breakfast and we are in the fortunate position that we can all eat that together every day, up to the table, which we now do. But the rest of the time, he has about 50/50 lunches/dinners with us and others, and lunches where he eats alone (we sit with him but are not eating). This lessens the pressure somehow for him to have the same as us and to eat it all. If he doesn't eat dinner he gets plain yog for pudding, if he has a good go (few mouthfuls +) it's an ice lolly or rice pudding or something a bit more scrummy (that said he loves plain yog - but I see that as a food iyswim). Some days they are hungry other days they aren't and this age is all about them establishing their independence. Don't sweat it, don't take it personally, and above all, don't give up. I keep offering new stuff, and if we do have something different from him I always let him dip in on our plates (not other peoples tho). He has eaten loads of things that way that he would never have eaten if i put it in front of him. I just figure it's all widening his tastes. I think as a 'general' rule, kids often start falling into a more normal pattern of eating a little later on, as has been said.school dinners, friends teas, etc.

The one other thing I would say to watch is portion size. I noticed that I was consistantly throwing away half of his plate each time, which made it look as though he hadn't eaten much when he'd eaten half iyswim. Try unfeasibly tiny portions that they can conquer to make them feel that they've achieved something, and it might even get them asking for more.....!

don't pick on him for what he eats. some people are naturally picky eaters. others change over the years from picky to non picky and back.

the less you nag the more comfortable he will be with eating and the more likely he will eat like himself than otherwise.

of course the best thing you can do is set a good example.

if you dont make an issue of it, dd won't think its something worth trying or copying

We are also having problems with our 3 year old. When she was little she would eat almost anything. Now we are down to just sausages, fish fingers, potato shapes/ chips. Peas, sometimes ravioli and strawberries.
My wife and I cook food ourselves but she refuses to even just try it. We have tried everything from ignoring it to bribery. We are just so sick and tired of having to prepare different meals. If she just tried it and decided she didnt like it that would be ok. But she just wont put it in her mouth.
It is really getting to us now./emo/te/11.gif

My DD is the same - 3.6 now and I've posted about her on here before. She will eat pasta/ pesto, fishfingers, sweetcorn, various breads, yogurt and very little else. It is worrying but she just refuses to try and I can't / won't force her. My HV gave me lots of useful advice about offering a food she will eat alongside one she won't, not making a fuss and not using bribes etc. Apparently some children just are resistant eaters, but the good news is they don't starve and do usually grow out of it. My HV also said you may have to offer a new food up to 10 times before it's tasted... so no quick fixes. We try to make mealtimes relaxed (hard) and never refuse puddings. No big improvements but small progress which I hang onto (trying and liking hummous being one ).

Both mine were like this as 3yos. I ignored, served up what I had planned, didn't offer alternatives, ignored some more, tried to console myself with the thought that at least I was enjoying the food.

From about age 6 dd has been a joy to feed: adventurous, will try anything, often openly appreciative, hardly ever rude about food.

Ds at 13 is still a fusspot. But he is a 5 foot 9 fusspot so at least he can't have starved.

And at least I have enjoyed all the food he hasn't eaten over the years. If he prefers to subsist on thin air, that's his problem.

They may not reform as they grow older. But at least they lose that early air of vulnerability.