When other people's children misbehave in your house?

[amygirl]

What do you do when your friends children come in and wreck your house but the parents don't seem to notice, even as you sweep up the glass?
I'm not being over sensitive or fussy - my children are about the same age but here is what these other children did on the most recent visit:-

• stand on the back of the settee to jump onto the floor (20 X)
• get a carving knife out of the kitchen drawer

(actually their mum took it off them but not a word about how its inappropriate to go through cupboards etc in someone else's house).

• Deliberately destroyed my child's toy because he wanted to see how much pressure it took to break it
• Climbed up to a shelf 7ft off the floor (using the lower shelves to balance) to get hold of a game I'd put up there as my own children are only allowed to play it under adult supervision (and then lost half the pieces.

Its like this every visit but I hate telling other people's kids off, especially when the parents are present.
So what do you do? What's acceptable?

As it happens, I allow my children to jump on the sofa. But I would not be the slightest bit offended if another parent said that they weren't allowed to jump on the sofa in their house.

Different houses/different parents have different rules, nothing exceptional about that.

Yes, mine jump on the sofa too (we have old sofas and fairly relaxed here because we are renovating). I've drummed it in to dd that is not polite to do so in other people's homes however - and to never assume that the same rules apply elsewhere - I also tell her to listen to what her friend's mothers say.

I would never take a "not in this home sort of statement" to be preachy or superior in some way. As Belgo says, it's just a statement of fact and surely it's very helpful to small children to know where they stand from the outset - clear boundaries and all that.

Surely you wouldn't just sit there and watch as your child jumped on the furniture in someone else's else?

House, not else !!

sorry - apalling use of apostrophes in my last post

Me wotulookinat? NO WAY!! Absolutely NOT!

Touchy subject because I had the reverse situation where a visiting child hit dd on the head with the wrong end of a tennis racquet in full view of her mother .... and the mother did ... diddly squat. I was so I did nothing (except removed the racquet of course!) also she is from another continent so I thought perhaps there might have been some sort of cultural misunderstanding and she was waiting for me as the host to say something.

Subsequently though it transpires that she's just quite a rude woman I'm afraid and her dd is modelling that behaviour. Not the child's fault.

Also ... really getting riled now [emoticon] ... there's a couple in my extended family who turn up to events with their dc and they invariably sit back and relax and drink wine while the rest of the family runs around keeping their children out of danger/ trying to curb their wild ways. They have a lovely relaxing time but no one else does. I know I'm coming across as an old shrew and my dd is no angel but Lord this INFURIATES ME .....

appalling spelling as well ...

What about if a child visiting on a playdate without parents is badly behaved ? Personally I lay down rules as i see fit, but some children are just REALLY difficult/cheeky; how far would you all go to discipline a visitor if they were being eg aggressive, bullying, tale telling or otherwise antisocial ?

countingthegreyhairs, I feel your anger!

Solidarity Wotulookinat !

I think it's a really difficult/delicate one Partaria - I'm still struggling with it.

1. I absolutely loathe having to discipline other people's children - I feel such an ogre doing it and so I put up with loads more from visiting children than I do from dd - but if it gets really bad I do say something and make it clear that x or y is not acceptable.

1. I ALWAYS hand over the offender with big smile to parents saying "of course they behaved beautifully" simply because I'm too much of a coward to do otherwise.

That's fine for fairly infrequent play dates. But I'm facing the situation now where I'm looking after a gorgeous/vibrant but "highly strung" friend of dd's on a regular basis (during term times) and the honeymoon period has has worn off a bit and it's all getting a bit sticky tbh. If boot were on other foot I would want to be told if my child was misbehaving persistently in some way but oh where angels fear to tread and all that .... I dunno ... the whole thing's a nightmare.

I tell them off.

It is a bit unfair on my own DC to see other children allowed to do things that they are not.
But making myself an ogre in the eyes of the other family isn't exactly fun either.

Well, I have lots of rules that other families don't and my dc's just have to accept that I am doing their parenting and the other parent does theirs.

I consider myself entitled to keep my own home safe from other people's children but tbh it is not my job to decide what sort of table manners they should have etc.

Particularly important for me to remember as I come from another country where rules tend to be slightly different: I could easily go wrong there, trying to foist an alien culture on to the poor things. (you know I had three little girls over the other day and not a single one curtseyed to me! I think that is shocking!)

When I do tell other children off I tend to do so very calmly and pleasantly. I think dc's friends quite like me: they just think I'm a bit weird