Does a 21 month old understand that if he refuses dinner he doesnt get pudding?

[lollyheart]

im feeling really bad right now ds refused to eat his dinner today i told him that if he didnt eat his dinner he wouldnt get a pudding well he didnt eat his dinner and got upset when i gave dd her pudding.

when i put his dinner in front of him he through a fit and pushed his plate away so i put it back in front of him and told him to eat it he had a couple of mouthfulls and then pushed the plate away again i said if you dont eat it then no pudding but still refused so i got him down from the table he wasnt happy about that so i gave him another chance put him back up but he still refused it so i got him down again without pudding.

he is normaly a good eater im not worried about that and it was somthing he likes.
he has not had anything extra to eat today so must of been hungry.

did i do the right thing or should i have let him have pudding?

see Abbey - THAT's the advice I'm wondering when you start doing it? and how is that different to what the OP did?

I usually offer an alternative, too. Although I don't offer a snack too close to meal-time.

does everyone offer a pudding every night? we don't even mention pudding unless dd's made a good fist of things. nothing to do with rewards, just that we presume if she hasn't eaten her meal, she's not hungry.
i wonder what we'd do if there were more than one child? probably the same, tbh.

mine get pudding if they havent finished their dinner, but then pudding in ours is fruit and/or natural yoghurt. apart from occasional treats when we may have ice cream etc

ds has fruity yoghurt every night, but like someone already said, he will quite often start the yoghurt then go back to his main. If he's not eating either of those I know he's had too many afternoon snacks and I'll be bfing all night. Oh wait, I bf all night every night!

I would serve the main course-take away -serve pudding-clear away. I think it is a mistake to give the idea that pudding is a treat or a reward.

each portion so 3 or 4 tablespoons depending on what your serving so for 1 yr old 1 tbs of each 2 yr old 2 tbs of each and so on until children can manage reasonable size meals its just a reassurance that they are indeed eating enough

if child is small 2 then 1 tbs of each portion and more can be offered if plate is cleared it is also less daunting than having huge meal in front of you and more likely to eat

it worked for my ds i was given advise by dietician as it being a way to reassure yourself that big plate of food does not need to be cleared and smaller portions are indeed age appropiate

lolly by doing that you are effectively trying to force him to eat. That ios never a good idea. And presumably you served him his portion so he doesn't even get any control over how much food you are expecting him to eay.

If you make food and mealtimes into battleground like this it will only ocme back and bite you on the bum.

You wouldn't force an adult to eat more or deprive them of pudding just because they didn't like or want their mains, so you shouldn't do it to a child.

No, he probably didn't understand, but in that same token, he probably didn't have a clue that he normally gets pudding and didn't this time either so don't worry.

I do think if he is normally a good eater you should just go with the flow and not try to force him to eat something by bribery.

With Dd I made a big hoo-haa about her eating her dinners, so much so she would eat and eat until she had stomach ache, she has even eaten so much she vomited, she doesn't understand the hunger/full feelings because I made her think that at a certain time she must eat what I give her. She became overweight (only slightly because as soon as I noticed I did something about it) and I have to watch her constantly.

DS on the other hand is great with his food because I never made it an issue. If he doesn't want to eat, that's fine. All I say is that at dinner time my children must sit at the table until everyone has finished. Sweet things are not a reward or a treat. Just a snack they have before bed with a glass of milk.

Hi all thanks for the tips and advice

We had a much nicer tea time tonight.
I gave him his dinner as normal but he wasnt happy with it for some reason but i didnt say anything to him just ate our dinner didnt make a fuss well in the end he ate most of his dinner and when i knew he had anough i said have you finished he said yes and i gave him his pud so a stress free tea time.