Can walk, won't walk!

[MandyD]

This is, I suppose, the flipside of the toddler problem thread below. My son is 3yrs 10months and, I don't know if this is significant, tall for his age (104cm). Because he had hearing loss for a year between the age of 1 and 2 this led to behaviour problems and basically it was much safer to keep him in his buggy while out and about.

But now he's unwilling to walk more than 100 yards outdoors, less if he's claiming to be tired and saying "my legs won't work". I know he can walk much further distances because a couple of times we've visited museums and he will happily walk round for several hours.

I find I daren't leave the buggy behind if we're going shopping etc (we have no car) as he will demand to be carried fairly quickly. If I refuse he lies down on the pavement and screams! I have some physical disabilities related to mobility, so picking up and carrying a 104cm tall, 19kg child is not within the realms of possiblity!

What would be the best method to encourage him to walk further? I have thought of doing it in stages - can you walk to that blue car down there, walk to so-and-so's house, walk to the supermarket and I'll get you a toy - these are all about 100 yard increments. But he's very strong willed so what should I do if the bribe doesn't work and we're stuck without a buggy? If I get him to walk while I push the buggy he'll do about 30 yards and jump in.

Would he understand a star chart? Or can you give him something to push himself? I think your idea of achievable distances sounds great, but at first take the buggy so you have a get out clause if it all goes Pete Tong, so to speak! Maybe use the promise of a star if he walks to the postbox etc etc and then have a big ceremony when you get back to the house with the star chart and tons of praise.

mandyD, you say this is the flipside to the toddler running away problem ha! I have news for you - it is possible to have both a runaway and a reluctant walker at the same time. My oldest son as a toddler, and now my youngest, are like this. They walk (and try to run away) when they want to, say their legs are tired when they want a rest.

At least your toddler likes the pushchair, lucky you! He's still quite young, really, so I'd definitely keep it with you, especially as you cannot physically carry your son.

I also find the phrase 'toys round the corner/ up the road' or similar is effective - the promise of something good keeps him walking. Can't use this tactic all the time of course - it would make him very bad tempered.

I found my oldest son gradually grew out of the wanting to be carried phase and I helped this along by carrying him shorter and shorter distances and making it more uncomfortable for him to be held. So I wonder if there is any way you can make your pushchair less inviting? take away some of its padding etc?

In my experience, this problem does not go away overnight, and can cause some awful argments when out of you try and cold turkey it - I'd really be tempted to let your son keep the pushchair for now, keep trying to get him out of it of course, and let him run around the nearest park lots to give his legs extra exercise.

MandyD, do you think it might just be a power struggle on his part? Is he stubborn in other areas too or is this his main "thing"?

I was thinking about using something like a reward system, but an immediate one. Something like: get a few tokens of some sort - large counters, buttons, tickets etc. Tell him you will give him one after he walks a certain distance or so many steps. (You could also use this alongside the walk to the blue car etc idea.)
Then if he has 4/6/all the tokens by the time you get where you are going, he gets a treat afterwards, whether it is a trip to the park, a sweet, phone call to grandma etc. (You can also do this in reverse, where he starts with all the tokens and if he baulks or plays up, you take one away.)

Having said that, my ds uses the same "my legs won't work" whinge when he is tired (he is 3y 10m too) and I do put him in the stroller or shopping trolley for my own sanity at times. Yes he is much too heavy to carry around!

HTH!

haven't read all the messages, so this may be a repeat - what about a little bike, or something similar? Is he old enough?

When my ds was 31/2(now 3.11) and had started at preschool i ditched the buggy. It's a 20 minute walk. I told him that the buggy was broken and anyway big boys who have started nursery don't usually use buggies. He complained for a while but eventually got used to it. I still have a lot of grumbling in the afternoons tho when i wake him up ( still has naps!)to go collect older ds from school. I must admit the buggy was easier, i have been left panicking recently when he was poorly and i had no way of getting him to the school.