3 year old clingy tantrums with grandma

[HONEYBUG]

desperately looking for some advises
my mum has been looking after Alicia since she was born, we didnt have nanies my mum wouldn let me, anyway it was really good help, I didnit have to worry about her when I was at work, everything was allright until Alicia is now 3yo, mum is overprotective on her, her every single minute is fullfilled with Alicia, she plays with her, have fun together, where I am still at work, and after work when I come home I m so tired to spare all my energy for alicia cos I dont have much left, still we make drawings, read books enjoy together until she wants to go to sleep she cries for pink grandma she calls my mum, or it is worse when we meet up with mum, me and alicia or all together the family, when it is time for home, alicia makes a huge thing, cries like we are torturing her, hits me because I am separating her from grandma, she doesnot want to come home, some days we really feel bad, do not want to make her too upset and let hr go with my mum ( we live very close )
but then when we come home we both feel very bad that we let her go, if we didnt she would cry all night until fell tired. Since my mum gives her whatever she wants, she doesnt share anything of hers with her friends, she even takes their toys, pretend it is hers and let the friend cry but she doesnt care, all she says is it is mine, it is mine not hers, really feels so bad
donot know what to do, try to read info from internete not too helpful, hope you can help me
thanks,
ebru

Now that she is 3 yrs can you send her to a nursery for at least part of the day? It will get her used to other children.

Yes, she will be entitled to a free session now - well after the summer hols.

You need to have a stern talk with your mum I think. Spoiling her to the point where she isn;t socialising well is not doing her any favours in the long run, is it?

Get your mother to take her out more -enrol her in things like tumble tots or swimming lessons.

Honeybug you must remember that you are her mum. She acts up with you because she knows she can, and it must be difficult when she wants to go to her grandma, but you are her mum and that's that.

You need to get a bit of control back from your mum. Nursery sounds like an excellent idea - your DD will learn to socialise and have time away from grandma.

Talk to your mum and tell her that when it's time for DD to come home with you then your mum has to say "goodbye and see you tomorrow" cheerfully , and that you all smile and say goodbye, even if DD is going beserk. If I was you this is the part that would be really doing my head in, and the part I would want to sort out first.

Will you be able to have a talk with your mum about it?

many thanks for your messages, she goes to nursery from 9 to 3pm, and my mum picks her up from the school cos I am still at work, she feeds her takes her to swimming and etc..for example tonight she is gone with grandma again, tomorrow morning is the school I said to alicia that mummy is not happy when you leave her and daddy, she started crying more but still wanted to go with grandma, so desperate

What do you do?

Do you need to work so much?

Can you talk to your mum and between you all stamp out the thing where DD ends up staying at grandma's?

Maybe Grandma could come and settle DD to bed at yours, read to her or whatever she usually does, and gradually wean her off having to sleep at grandma's?