Sould we go to my brothers wedding ?

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, my brother is getting married in september to a woman who is basically as rough as a rat catchers dog. She is a lot older than him and has never worked in her life. Anyway we make the effort for his sake and deep down she is not a bad person. They have asked her sisters children to be page boys (they are 3 and 6) and both have behavural problems and sware like trupers. Her 2 daughters are bridesmaids (6 and 12) and my brothers cousen is also going to be a bridesmaid. I have asked my brother wether our 3 year old daughter will be a bridesmaid and he said no, because she's too young. They are having a badly behaved 3 year old page boy so why not our daughter, who is very well behaved and is used to going to church. I see this as an indirect insult and my Dad has said that if he was me he wouldn't go to the wedding because of it. What would you do? would you go for your brothers sake or say sod it, if my daughter is not good enough to be a bridesmaid then we woun't be comming.

Mummyloveslucy, I also think that you should go, you can make it a very special day for your little girl if you go and have your hair done together for the wedding, or collect her own rose petals to toss at the couple etc. You're a fab mum, you will think of some way of making this a great day for her!

It sounds like your father is trying to stir up trouble.

I wouldn't refuse a wedding invitation to a sibling's wedding simply because one of my children had not been asked to be a bridesmaid/pageboy.

Particularly if I wasn't keen on the bride anyway - why would you want your DD to be a bridesmaid to a woman for whom you clearly have no respect?

I would go to the wedding to show my support for my brother.

I would also make it clear to my father that it is inappropriate to refer to his son's future wife as "rough as a rat catchers dog".

Re your comment "I try not to judge her too much" - how terribly magnanimous of you!

what humpcushion said.

How is it a direct insult to you???

If your daughter is not good enough to be bridesmaid you won't go. Sorry but do you realise how precious you sound?

If I was your brother I would say if you can't be happy for me getting married and support me then I would rather you did not come.

I would also think if the children in the wedding party are so bad - why would you want your daughter around them??

So you're basically having a sulk because they won't let your daughter be bridesmaid??
Their wedding, their business who they choose to support the bride (which is traditionally bride's side, not groom's, so again don't know why you'd expect your daughter to be automatically given a role)

I personally think you are looking for excuses not to go.
If it was my brother I'd be there like a shot.....

Of course you should go. Whatever the reson for him not asking your dd, if you don't go then one day you will regret it. Whether you approve or not of the marriage, you should go and support your brother.

That's like my brother saying he won't come to my ds' christening because I asked my sister to be a Godparent and didn't ask him to be Godfather. I'm sure they had their reasons for not asking her and I think it was quite rude of you to ASK whether she was going to be a bridesmaid! It's up to them who they ask and like others have said, the choice of bridesmaids is usually completely the bride's decicion so it would be wrong to punish your brother. Please go, you honestly will feel terrible if you don't!

I totally sympathise with you! It sounds like nearly all the children going are in the bridal party including your brothers cousin but not his niece!

However I wouldn't stay away from the day. You will regret not going and sharing his day. I would do what others have suggested and make the day special for you and her. Get your hair done, buy her a pretty dress, make sure she has some confetti to throw etc. I bet you surprise yourself and you have a lovely day

haven't read the whole thread so sorry if the discussion's moved on or anything!

My DH's family expected me to have his cousins (12 and 3 years old at the time) to be my bridesmaids. I had chosen 3 (adult) friends and cute as the cousins would have been, they just weren't my choice and I didn't want them. My decision was mainly based on not having any young attendents so that my b/maids were supporting me, which obv isn't the same as your situation. I also had 'we'll pay for thier dresses' but that wasn't the point.

Whatever the reason for her decision, it's her wedding and her right to make that decision. I would have been mortified if anyone had boycotted my wedding for something so petty. You will be able to enjoy the day with your daughter without having to make sure she's standing where she should etc.

Also perhaps she has to have certain family members as part of the wedding to avoid a fued but thought that you had a bit more class than to kick off about it.

Message withdrawn

I'm really glad to hear that you plan to go to the wedding. You can never take back the day and make it up to your brother if you don't go.

And to be honest, sometimes it's surprising which marriages work out and which don't. Maybe your brother gets something out of the relationship that just isn't obvious to your family. Or maybe he's making a mistake and will need your support through the divorce at some point. Either way, he's still your brother and this is his wedding day.

Ooh I just read my post back and I sound like a right bitch! My opinions still stand but could have put them across better! Sorry, I don't normally MN this early in the morning!

Of course you must go, he is your brother. The choice of bridesmaid is not yours.

Yes, I am going to go. I always was but when my Dad said how angry he was about it and I shouldn't go to make a point, I just wanted your oppinions. I will go and make it special for my daughter. It's not the fact that she's rough that worries me. I know some really lovely rough people. It's just that she has been running up huge bills on dating websites, that my brother has had to pay for!! and is going out until 5 am most weekends. I don't think she is a suitable wife as she won't remain faithful to him. But he's an adult so it's his choice. He is very young by the way, he's only 20.

Humphcushion- I said an indirect insult, which if you've read my post you will know that it is. There is no other way of seing it.

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Didn't that make sence?, sorry I've had a some wine