I am considering controlled crying - did it work for you?

[Travellerintime]

I can't believe it, but I am seriously thinking of using this with ds. Never considered it with dd (3) as once she got to 6 months her sleep improved massively (partly due to using baby whisperer techniques).

Ds is 6.5 months, has NEVER been a good sleeper, but in the last few months pretty much wakes up every hour and a half after about 11:30/12pm. His 'long' stretch of sleep is when he first goes down in the evening at 7pm, until about 10pm.

Recently I've started taking him in to bed with me when he wakes around midnight as he won't settle in his cot. However, sleep is no better this way - I think we keep each other awake and he ends up feeding his way through the night.

We have gently tried to teach him self-settling techniques (eg pu/pd), but they just haven't worked. I am completely exhausted, and feel that my relationship with my dd and dh is being affected. Not to mention my bonding with ds.

I'm not sure I want to hear controlled crying horror stories (as I've read them before), but I would like to hear from people for whom it's worked...

I have read quite a lot about Attachment Theory, and tbh I don't really think that cc will be interpreted by a baby as lack of love or unresponsiveness if mum is going into the room to provide reassurance at intervals, and (more importantly) is responsive to the baby's needs during the day, which is a heck of a lot easier after a good night's sleep. I did use the technique myself (years ago now though) and it made the world of difference to my mental health, and made me much better able to cope, so it did everyone good. Good luck with it

aah well..!

yes there is no way we would get any sleep if dd was on her back now, it's funny isn't it

when do people give their last solid meal? i'm wondering if wind/tummy issues are part of it, don't want to feed too late in case they are, but then also want to try to give her a full tummy!

When I did a modified CC (go in every minute / 30 seconds) if DS was standing up howling, I would lie him down, pat him on the back very quickly and say "It's sleep time now", then leave sharpish. If he was howling and lying down, I think I would briefly pat and say "It's sleep time", then leave.

neolara did you calm him in that time? or just go in, pat, leave?!

Was very anti cc but had to resort to it with both daughters when co-sleeping and feeding all night left me absolutely drained and ratty.

Worked wonders and I am a surprised convert.

Left 5 minute intervals with them and honestly believe it does no harm at all. They know you are there and they get consistent reassurance.

With our dd I would go in, she would stop crying, look up,
work out it's me i.e. 'the one without boobs' and start crying again.

I would just kiss her gently on the forehead, whisper something like 'ssshhhh..relax..time for sleeeeep' and then walk out again.
I tried to be as calm and reassuring as possible throughout

• not easy when a baby is screaming in your face but important to convey the message:

'Look, how calm I am. Everything is fine, trust me. Relax and go to sleep now.'

It does not interfere with the sleep training if you calm him down completely during the checks
so if you sense that it would help everyone involved, by all means throw in some PU/PD.

When I went in to my DS, I didn't stay until he was calm. I would have been there all night. Just a quick pat, "sshh, sleep time now", and then quick exit. Back in again 30 seconds later. And repeat over, and over, and over again. It went on for quite a long time. My DS is a determined boy. As I said, honestly I don't think he felt abandoned. But he was very cross that I didn't pick him up.

Do you think cc can work if you just do it when you put dc down in the evening, and then after feeds during the night, if they don't settle?

Or is it more effective to do it and completely stop night feeds?

Just wondering, as I'm not sure how long it's going to take us to wind down night feeds and thinking this could be a short cut that would help - eg perhaps ds would wake up less if he could settle himself, and then I could just phase out night feeds v gradually.

i think it would be very hard to do at 3am!!

personally i would only do it at bedtime, feed as normal at night, and see if maybe the self settling at bedtime helped eventually at night?

but that is based on..errr..nothing!

'Do you think cc can work if you just do it when you put dc down in the evening, and then after feeds during the night, if they don't settle?
Or is it more effective to do it and completely stop night feeds?'

I suppose we did both successfully.
Evening CC was after bf. Night time CC was in conjunction with cutting out the remaining feeds.