Sibling Rivalry

[sophiebbb]

I know this has probably been touched on many times before but need some advice please.

Have a new baby daughter (10 weeks old) and a DS1 (19 mths old). DS1 is still at the very limited communication phase ie he can understand me to a certain extent but I certainly cannot have a good conversation with him yet!!

DS1 has displayed all the usual signs of sibling rivalry and it would be great to get some advice from people who have been through this before eg.

1. Hitting out and pulling hair of random children in playgroups etc. They are either small babies or babies his size. He knows not to do it but carries on

1. He is generally very good with the new baby. He has pulled her hair (she has a lot of it!) a few times, generally when he is annoyed with something. However TBH I protect the baby really well!

I have help from a nanny twice a week to give me a bit of time to rest and catch up in the house. My and DH's parents live too far away to help us out. The nanny takes DS1 out in the morning, back for lunch and nap, and then out in the afternoon. DS1 has recently started to play up when he is back home and the nanny and I are there. (he is fine when he is with just me and the baby or is just with the nanny - it seems to be when both of us are around). He refuses to eat, has a mini tantrum etc. I give DS1 a lot of my attention when the baby is asleep or sitting in her chair. Do you think I need to be spending more time with DS1 ie insist that the nanny looks after the newborn for a morning or afternoon while I spend more and individual time with DS1? TBH her being here on those two days was meant to be to give me a bit of a break - time to sleep and actually get stuff done in the house (I am exhausted with new baby and breastfeeding). Do you think I should now use some of that time to leave the newborn and go out individually with DS1 or it is simply a phase that will pass??

Help please

i think yes spending more time with ds would help alot as he in his eyes is being taken away from you he then will see sister as a rival for your attention

have some time away with ds and have nany watch baby he is still a baby himself and still needs his mummy lots of praise get hima s involved with helping as you can and lots of praise for it

ignore naughty behaviour if just tantrum as its a way of grabbing your attention

try distraction and praise for being so good

Thank you bubblagirl. I kind of thought that I need to take DS1 out by himself but had been resisting because those two days have been a bit of a sanctuary for me to get some sleep, clean the house and have 10 minutes of me time (in between breastfeeding and caring for the newborn that is). Also my DH is really close to DS1 and whenever he is here he whisks DS1 off leaving me with the newborn and so again we don't get 1-1 time alone.

get your rest in the morning and then in the afternoon try and just have at least half an hour of undisturbed time ive seen sainsburys sell kids flower pots you could buy some herbs and plant them together and can be your thing every day

checking and watering them but just giving lots of praise and lots of fun so he doesnt feel so much like mummy has a new baby now even though you do he isnt old enough to feel anything but your baby still also and wants your attention

when playing nicely on his own well doe what a big boy and just sit for few mins with him praising him and leaving him to it

he wont need to play up to get your atttention then although his still at tantrum age anyway his just discovering himself

good luck must be very tiring and stressful but it'll get easier

Thanks again. Good idea re. flower pots. I will get some seeds and we can watch them grow together. That would be nice.

I do spend time playing with him when baby asleep etc but maybe I will go out for a couple of hours just with him and without baby when the nanny is around. She can now look after the newborn - I feel happier with her doing that now that she is 10 weeks old.

Amazing how when you are exhausted and trying to look after them both you simply cannot think straight

try and spend as much time on yourself too make use of the nanny

i remember forgetting my ds name as i was so tired lol

you sound like you are doing fantastic so dont feel guilty its just his still at the needy age also your doing great