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aggressive/antisocial toddler

2 replies

Munchkinsugarpie · 23/01/2003 00:49

I don't know what's happened to my ds. He'll be 4 in March and hitherto has been a sensitive delight. Affectionate, cuddly, clingy and with a great sense of humour and interest. Well that little boy has disappeared.

In his place, is an aggressive sulky little boy who doesn't like anybody except his mummy, daddy and pussycat. He is now hideous to his grandparents (cringe as he shouts at their crestfallen faces). We've been to a few parties from the kids at nursery and he hates them. The kids and the parties! I was really shocked. He sits angrily on my knee all the time and wants to go home. He has no interest in the entertainment or the other kids. No-one can tempt him. If I go and 'join in' with the entertainment he'll stomp after me and seems almost embarrassed to be doing it. Am I showing him up this early?!!

I've been asking him about his own party for his birthday in March and he emphatically doesn't want one. He really doesn't OK, so that's not the end of the world - but WHY not? He doesn't seem scared of the other kids, he's just utterly indifferent to them. He seems ok in his own little world, but if the other kids come up and talk to him, he shouts go away. (I saw him shouting GO AWAY at a little boy in the playground today and I hated it.)
Has anyone been through this and seen this anti-social behaviour change? I feel as if he's going to be lonely all his life. I'm probably being ridiculous but this is one problem I didn't envisage....

Do you think there's anything I could do to help him like people !!? He is still a little bit slow in his speech but chatters non-stop at home. I just can't think why he hates everyone... I thought that happened when he got to 15, not 4 !!! Help!

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tigermoth · 24/01/2003 00:00

munchkinsugarpie, it sounds like your ds is getting more self aware - perhaps for some reason, he likes the effect of saying 'go away' to children he meets at present. Could he be seeing it as a game almost? There's a well documented testosterone surge apparently in boys around the age of four( steve biddulph 'raising boys' this might also account for your son's sudden stroppyness. If he is affectionate towards you and your dh it sounds like he is choosing to ignore others, rather than having a general problem with communication.

Anti social behaviour has not been a problem I have faced in my sons, but my oldest son hates parties, and I know of other boys like this, too. Perhaps your son would prefer to see one child at a time for a quiet play date?

Munchkinsugarpie · 25/01/2003 01:29

thanks for replying tigermoth - I read that Steve Biddulph book too and I'd forgotten about that age surge! I think you're right about 1 to 1 as well - we went for lunch with one other kid from nursery today. Ds normally doesn't have anything to do with this boy, but by the end of the lunch, they were running around hand in hand so I suppose it's better for him this way.

I still asked if he wanted a party and he still emphatically says NO. So there you have it! No party this year...

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