HELP!! My nearly 3 year old is constantly hitting kicking fighting etc.

[Sails]

Yes there are times when it feels constant at other times he is the most loving and adorable little boy. He smacks me and my dh(in the face when we get down to his level). He hits and kicks ds2 and other children. The other week at toddler group he crashed a toy tractor on a little boys head causing a bump and the mother had to put a cold compress on it. It was awful. Yesterday he was taken out of creche in church because he was hitting kicking and throwing toys at the other children. Apparently he did it loads of times and wouldn't listen to anyone. The lady in charge said she let it go loads of times but he just kept doing it. She tried speaking to him firmly but nicely but he wouldn't listen. He pushed another child around there last week too. The strange thing is he loves creche and can't get there quick enough. Tried talking to him but he just screams and hits me. He also hits himself and shouts "smacking (ds name) because I'm naughty!! Help I'm deperate!

Sounds like a tough time for him, and you too

firstly I think many many children go through a phase of hitting/aggression etc in itself nothing to worrying about and will pass.

But obviously you want a plan, what to do about it right now while waiting for it to pass!

What do you do now?

How has he picked up on ds being naughty so needs a smacking?

It seems to me like he is trying to engage in his world and is keen to make an impact and touch others. sometimes that's appropriate and gentle and then sometimes its too rough.

I'd persist in encouraging the appropriate bits by telling him that when he's hit someone they are hurt and oh dear, how can he make them feel better? his gentleness may come out a bit to stroke them better or whtever. Also I'd be pickking up on those times when he was appropriately toughing and telling him in descriptive terms - so hey you were so loving and gentle!

Obv sometimes removing to avoid injury is a must. At hese times I personally wouldn't punish so much as talk firmly but still cuddle him away and get him out of funk moment with love/distraction/calmness and then talk about how to basically apologise.

and yes fraid it it may not work instantly but think long term about how and what he is learning about the world.

I'm sure you've seen this already, but I honestly take all my learnings from super nanny Jo Frost. Her tone of voice is great and if he is hitting you while you are at his level, hold his arms firm but not agressively along with the 'this is not acceptable behaviour and you do not ever hit mummy (or whoever) and give him his 3 minute time out with appologies and cuddles after. of course a warning is given first but she lets them know the rules by actually going over it with them on paper.
I followed and did all the techniques from the baby whisperer when DD was a baby and now that shes a toddler we copy Jo's teachings and honestly if you do them just as she does it'll work

At around 4 years boys get a huge testosterone surge and this starts their development into 'proper' little boys

Our DS has certainly been/is going through this. Calm consistent parenting, clear boundaries of acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, lots of opportunity for unrestrained physical play (football in the park is a great one) to use up all that energy and it WILL eventually pass (or at least become more controlled )

hth

Thanx for the advice everyone! DS1 been much better over the last couple of days. No incidences at toddler group yesterday thankfully! He did hit me in the face today though and also has given DS2 a few swipes. I feel that there is a lot of jealousy issues with DS2. He is extremely gentle and lovely with other babies just not ours! DS2 has been very grizzly and unsettled today poss teething hasn't got any yet. He was crying alot at teatime so I took him out of his highchair and had him on my lap whilst trying to eat my tea (Dh was at work). DS1 objected to me doing this and hit DS2 across the face obviously this did nothing to cheer DS2 up!! I spoke to DS1 very sharply and removed myself and DS2 from the table leaving DS1 by himself which he didn't like and made him cry. Often tells me to put DS2 down on the carpet/ring/pushchair etc especially when he's crying. Had to skip DS1s bath tonight as DS2 was crying and DH at work. Often have to do this. Also often have to take DS2 up with me when I read DS1 his storys which DS1 objects to and tells me there his storys! Feeling abit stressed as only just managed to settle DS2. Not a happy baby tonight he's been going bezerk!!! DH out tonght. He says he needs outside interests aswell as just family/work life!! Sorry for the moan feeling abit stressed about it all and its getting to me!

BUMP

BUMP

Hello, still checking for you

Poor you tough night eh?

Yes jealousy is a bitch, I try to do the equal rules thing mostly even though it makes littlle sense to tinies, so I'll be explaining to a under two how everyone gets to be listened to and he needs to wait sometimes (bt obv is for older one's benefit to hear this, tiny is just looking bemused and continuing natch)

I also occasionally collude conspiratorially with older one, and do mock rasie eyebrows thing and shaking of head, oh babies they are tricky aren't they???? Lets find something to enterain him so we can get on with reading together.

It can all be bloody tough though with two, I know and you have my good wishes.

When my ds2 does the same thing, the thing that works time and time again is to put him into another room on his own and tell him that when he's calmed down and is being his usual cheery self he can join us. He also hates being separated, but it makes him think about his behaviour and he always calms down which is amazing. He's got it tough at the moment. My divorce is nearly final and daddy's moved another woman into what was our home. So I can relate to why his anger/confusion manifests itself the way it does.