inappropriate behaviour

[grannie]

Dear Mumsnet

I am desperately trying to help my daughter, who is going through a divorce at present. She has moved house twice recently. She has two sons, aged 3 and 1.

For the past two months the 3 year old has reverted to being incontinent with Faeces. He is deliberately poohing on the floor, then he rubs his toys in the mess. He had been clean for quite a few months prior to this.

Has any other parent come across this and how can we encourage the little boy to stop this behaviour?

Oh dear, no experience of this, I'm afraid but didn't want you to go unanswered. My own eldest boy used to poo on the floor but not on purpose. I'm sure someone will be able to help, though.

Similar issue but younger child Might be of help?

My 3 yr old started peeing in her pants (just a little) when ds came along. It took 6 mths but it seems to have stopped.I worked on a principle that it was for attention and reacted as little as possib;e (ie made her wait till I was finished what I was doing, then changed her pants with as little communication as possible, but giving her extra attention if she didn't do it) It is REALLY hard, especially as your daughter is probably upset and needs this like a hole in the head. But it will come to an end. At times I felt dd's behaviour was aimed at me and made me very tearful, but it does seem like an attention thing and it might be that this is his response and she just needs to ride it out. Sorry if that doesn't seem particularly helpful, but I do sympathise!

Grannie - I have no experience of this either but you might get more responses if you repost this and put more in the subject about what the behaviour is - means people who know more might be more inclined to read it. There must be loads of people who have gone through this.

Instinctively I would say get the nappies back out as although I am sure Joolyjoolyjoo is right in that it is a cry for attention and therefore ideally needs to be ignored, it cannot be ignored because of the subject matter (ie poo!). I hope thoguh that you and your daughter get some more professional answers from other mumsnetters - I'm sure you will.

It's a 'dirty protest.' He is unhappy and unsettled, and this is his way of fighting back.

My brother did this when my father left home many years ago. It lasted for about a year, and then he got over it.

He just needs to get over this unsettling time. Don't worry, grannie. He won't be doing this when he starts school

agree with desiderata he is protesting as he is unhappy and unsettled. my nephew does this if he gets unsettled. he did it before he started school and recently when a close friend died sudddenly.
the best thing any of you can do ime is to ignore the behaviour dont get upset or angry (not easy i know) just clean up and carry on. make sure he has lots of hugs etc and try and keep to a rutine as far as possible. once he feels more settled it will fizzle out

I have come across similar cases; it happens when a child is unsettled or upset. I would put him in pullups, make as little fuss as possible and try to give him as much positive attention at other times as possible. So any support you can give your daughter about the general situation will benefit him as it will make it easier for her to be positive.

Many thanks to all for advice. As you generally say, we need to ensure that the little boy has lots of love and hugs and accept that he is struggling with the changes in his life. He is a much loved little boy and I am sure in time he will settle. Thank you all once again.