20lb at 5 months DS - are big baby boys 'frustrated' or am I just a crap mum?

[dearbeatrice]

This week has been SO long. DS is so heavy to carry and I've just been told my backache and leg pain is sciatica.

The first few months seem a breeze now - I can't seem to entertain DS enough - and just when I think I know what sort of pattern to the day he likes, he's howling again. Teething poss - but I can't see any white bumps on the gums [ hmm]

i've been in tears so many times today - things are tough at the mo - two cats, one of whom is terminally ill and the other diabetic and weeing all over the kitchen floor numerous times a day.

Anyway, I was asking about DS, not whinging about me -

once he's crawling, should things get easier? I can't seem to get anything right - feeds, taking him swimming - the only thing guaranteed is he'll go to sleep at 6.45 pm. But then he wakes at 4 am and a few times overnight

Are heavier baby boys known to be hard work? HELP please!

sitting up at 20 weeks on his own, gosh -

Sometimes I think that DS is frustrated as he wants to do more than he knows how to yet, if that makes sense

other times he looks sort of glum - and despite gaviscon he's bringing food up -

but i think it's mainly as he refuses to sleep for more than 20 mins, catnapping in the day - I"m sure he's tired but he just won't sleep for longer. I think I"ve cracked it various times, ie one day, ad hoc, he'll go to sleep in his pushchair .. if I try it again he'll cry and it won't work.

Perhaps he senses that I'm clueless? Could I be holding him back as I'm constantly pre-empting him and not letting him try things for long enough ie I should leave him to sit on his own even if he is getting frustrated playing with a toy?

I think I"m so exhausted I'm not able to think logically!

Hi - I'm sorry you are feeling like this. FWIW my DS2 was a similar weight at this age and was generally at 5mo pretty good. It was 8mo to 12mo that was the problem

As for the crawling and things getting better, this did happen with DS1. He was really frustrated he couldn't move and as soon as he did he was happy. DS2....well he is 13mo and still not crawling, but does look like hopefully he's going to walk soon so he will get there in the end.

At 5mo DS2 loved going on his door bouncer, though they do need a fairly strong neck for that one, or his baby walker. Both would keep him entertained for 30 mins or so at a time.

The only other thing I would suggest is getting out of the house with him as much as you can, even if its just a walk to your local park or anywhere! That could get him off to sleep to. At this age, DS2 would only sleep in his bouncy chair in the day but was fine in his bed at night so just go with it and don't worry about what you should be doing and just go with what works.

Lastly I am a big one for dummies. If you have a grumpy baby they can really help. When DS1 was too old, he had 2 days cold turkey then he wasn't bothered anymore and DS2 now is slowly weaning himself off it so don't worry they will still be chewing away when they are 8!

I hope this huge ramble helps. It will get better/easier so keep with it sounds like you are doing great.

No dearbeatrice, I think that you are doing the right thing by following your DS cues if he wants to finish playing with a toy or whatever. You can't teach him to try things for longer at this age. There will come a time (soon, honest!) when his concentration levels increase and his frustration decreases as he can do more. And yes, when he can crawl it will make life a lot better for both of you - or at least it did with my DS.

You have obviously got a lot on your plate at the moment (sorry about your cat BTW) and how you are feeling generally could be affecting the way you feel about your DS crying. Do you ever get a proper break where you can do something just for yourself, away from DS if that is what you want? I found that even just a walk in the park by myself made a big difference. They are just so wearing at this age.

I am sure you are not doing anything wrong and he certainly can't sense ineptitude But he could be teething - my DS suffers for ages before there is any sign. Or he could be suffering from reflux. You say he is on Gaviscon - has he been properly checked and monitored?

Must go now as DS needs to go to bed but will check in later. HTH

He may possibly feel that you are uptight and get a bit fretful because of this, you do need to try to relax but there is generally a reason for a child to not to seem too happy.

I wouldn't expect to see white bts on the gums for teething, it is a good sign but some babes can 'teeth' for a good two months before cut through, have you tried treating him as if he is in pain? Teething powders and calpol? At least that way you'll know if it is pain or not.

I would imagine that the size of him is irrelevant, My DS was about the same size, but DD (who was much smaller) was more irritable.

I second the dummy thing btw, DD got her dummy at 6months, it was a Godsend.

just wanted to say thanks to you all, janitor, gegs & provincial lady - really supportive posts all - appreciate it.

i guess a long week is taking it's toll on being positive - and i always try and approach him with a smile, go for walks etc. i guess i try to be too 'logical' and apply a pattern, but for babies there isn't one. durr, of course there isn't

plus he's heavy and i'm paranoid about taking him to be weighed (got mum to do it last time) as they started talking percentiles. but i know, even without you guys saying, that he's not excessive and it's not that unusual. just tiring isn't it.

i'll read your points again, and will now try to make dh see that i'm bloody shattered. perhaps he'll help out by taking ds on his own at some point this w'end

best wishes and tks to all
B

tks too VS, yes the teething granules are a godsend aren't they -

his reflux, he has it but to what degree, not pursued. i should, just worried about seeming like a hypochondriac mum i s'pose.

on a mad note, is it just me who (having had cats for years) sometimes, absently thinks, oh he's fed now, now he'll have a wash (ds that is!). i then catch myself and think, no babies don't wash themselves after eating! That's just cats!

Oh how funny! I only wish my DS had such clean habits as my cat.

If your DS is grumpy a lot of the time then I would definitely persue the reflux and not worry about seeming the hypochondriac PFB mum. It is a symptom of reflux so a valid reason to investigate further. If that is bothering him it is no wonder he feels tetchy.

As for the size of him - there is no pleasing HV. My DS is on the slim side, shall we say, and there has sometimes been a sharp drawing of breath on weighing. No one seems to notice that my DH and I aren't exactly fat either and it's not for want of eating I assure you. I was on the 3rd centile for weight myself before I was pg and DS is 25th centile - that is good in my book As long as they are well and doing all the things they should be I think the whole weight/centile thing is a blind anyway.

Here's hoping your DH pulls his finger out this weekend

Hey my ds is one now, and he was exactly as you described your ds when he was that age. Slept no more than 30 mins at a time, wanted to be held all the time, but being on the 98th centile for weight - not always possible!!

It does get easier - I promise. Once my son could crawl around, he was happier, and now he is walking, he is the most delightful boy ever!!! He now sleeps for 2 hours at a time (Peace!!).

I wouldn't worry about his weight, my son has slimmed down now he is active, I just ignore the HV comments.

All my advice is go for walks (helped me!) and also my son loved toys with birght lights and horrible music at that age, would give me a minutes any way..

i'm so sorry about your cats.

my ds is almost a month on from yours and was also about 20lb at 5 months

he can get whiney very easily and i put it down to teething and frustration.

i've had a couple of fantastic days though and they've been days where he's had two decent day naps of more than 1 and 1/2 hours. He's so much happier on those days; his concentration and general contentedness is very much improved. so this has made me think that maybe he's overstimulated and missing out on sleep. I haven't solved the nap routine yet. just hope the longer nap times become more frequent.

do you use a soft structured baby carrier? if you can use backpacks with your backache, it may be a huge relief for you. i know it good for me.

this probably doesn't help much, but just wanted to let you know that i'm there too.

My ds has always been big. He is 11 months and weighs 2 stone! He has been on the 98th centile since birth, and yes I truely believe a lot of his distress was down to frustration for the things he couldn't do. He was sitting up very early too, about 4 months. He started crawling last week and is so much happier and I do think that is because he can get to where he wants to be.
He has never enjoyed being n his belly, I thought it was because he had so much weight on him and was uncomfortable.

It sounds to me like you are doing a great job, you are certainly not being crap!

At this age it is tiring to be with a baby all day every day big or small. Especially since he is not getting much sleep in the daytime and you are not getting much of a break from him.

He may well be frustrated because he can't do what he wants to do, or he may be feeling unwell because of his reflux or teeth. I have often found that my 3 are quite unsettled during the day and in their sleep, just before they are about to reach a 'developmental milestone' like sitting, crawling, walking etc.

I second the getting out of the house suggestions. Is there a local toddlers group you could go to, if only for an hour? It might distract him a little and give you a chance for a cup of tea! What about a learn and groove flying saucer thing that he can sit in and fiddle with things? Or a door bouncer.. Perhaps you have tried these things already. It does get easier when they start to move, but then you need eyes on the back of your head!

Sorry to hear about your cats, that must be difficult too.