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tantruming toddler - feel like a rubbish parent - again.

4 replies

MaeBee · 02/07/2008 21:30

my toddler has been having a really rough week. it started with a 3hr screaming session on sunday. every day he fluctuates between being lovely and funny, and then having monstrous tantrums over nothing, they just start!
im thinking he's quite possibly teething: he keeps not wanting to eat and crying when i put him in his highchair.
i find it extra frustrating cos he's an exceptionally good talker for his age. he easily does 8 or 10 word sentences, and has a range of words for different feelings: he can explain the difference between frustrated and sad for example.
so he may well have extra reasons for being so unhappy at the moment, but i am so disappointed in myself as a parent! other mums seem to feel unconditional and consistent love for their kids, but when he's difficult i fantasiise about leaving, and i really feel angry at him rather than sympathetic.today i hissed at him, just like i do the cats in the garden, after he'd been throwing himself at me continuously. and with the getting dressed thing i have shouted 'for fucks sake' after 30 mins of trying to put his clothes on (we had to go out, otherwise he can be naked if he really wants!) and i am ashamed to say i even called him a stupid brat about a week ago.
my partner and i do 50/50, and he is much calmer than me, he never seems to lose his temper like i do. i know that when i get angry it doesn't help but i find it so difficult when ive been shouted and screamed at for so long.
he doesn't usually tantrum every day or anything, its only been this week. which makes me feel extra bad, cos why can't i be more empathic and sympathetic towards him?
can someone please tell me they get equally infuriated?

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xmummy · 02/07/2008 21:49

Oh you poor thing - I dont think you are a bad parent you are worn down and are handling your toddlers behavior badly because of it. It may be worthwhile looking at the tread "terrible twos - how to stop being a nag!!" There are lots of useful tips on how to try and deal with toddlers and help yourself.

Without being too intrusive, you sound a bit down - have you talked to your partner or doctor about it - as when you are down (talking from personal experience), coping with your toddler is ten times harder than it normally is - and you start to beat yourself up about it - so end the end you get in a vicious circle about it. Maybe you need a break - a day to yourself or a weekend away - can your partner take child to in-laws to give you a breather at all?

I am sorry I dont have any golden nuggets of advice, but hope things et better for you

MaeBee · 03/07/2008 10:06

thanks x,
i do get a lot of space really, which is partly why i feel so bad about it! have babysitters tonight so me and dp can go out for dinner, and have a weekend away in london coming up: i go off for a weekend every month, and i have plenty of evenings out. and STILL i struggle! i guess im not very inately inclined towards mothering. and/or i have stupidly high expectations of both me and child!
anyway, today seems better. had a bit of a rubbish night, lots of nightmares (had to be rescued 3 times...think i am pretty down at the moment!)but my lo ate his breakfast wtih great enthusiasm, and its 10pm and we've only had 2 mini meltdowns. so if it is teeth maybe they are feeling better.
am going for a run today, which always makes me feel better too.
thanks for the sympathy. my dp is sympathetic too but a bit bewildered that i take it so personally. he finds tantrums amusing, but then he's into experimental noise music so that might be why he can hack it more easily!!
and will check out the thread you mentioned.
thanks.

OP posts:
cory · 03/07/2008 14:54

Don't forget that there are lots of different chapters in the book on Motherhood. You may find yourself getting on better with Chapter 3 (pre-school children) or Chapter 4 and 5 (early school age to pre-teens). I did. Nothing to be ashamed of.

edamdepompadour · 03/07/2008 15:01

Cory's right. Some wise doctor once said to me that no-one could possibly be the perfect mother to a small baby AND an older baby AND a toddler AND a pre-schooler etc. etc. etc. Their needs change all the time. I am definitely better with babies and 4yos and upwards than with toddlers. Patience was not a problem when ds was tiny, despite lack of sleep, but I really struggled with 2.5 to 3.5 years old. (Oh, I remember the struggle to put clothes on and go out...)

That other thread on stopping being a nag has some really good practical advice for specific issues.

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